My mum in late stages Alzheimer’s has deteriorated somewhat over the past few weeks. Her eyes look glazed and as I said above, she is finding it difficult to walk and leans back and to the side. Nursing home stopped her drugs in case it was a side effect but it has become worse so Dr is going to put her back on them but at a much smaller dose to see if this does the trick. My mum cannot hold a conversation now but she looks so frightened and I feel at such a loss for her. Is this the end?
He suffers from paranoia and delusions and thinks anybody dispensing drugs to my mum is trying to kill her off, so to speak. He spends all the time he can with my mum and would not entertain me talking to her about heaven. Equally, if I mentioned to my mum that they might have got the drugs wrong and it was just a matter of tweaking them, my dad would be angry thinking they might have got it wrong. It is extremely difficult to get my mum on her own as my dad insists on overseeing everything. Thank you for your input though, it would all make sense to me if I just had to deal with my mum and not both of them.
A few days before the end, my mother asked me what I thought happened after death. She wasn’t religious. I said that the story I found most comforting came from Australian Aboriginal people I knew, that soon after death the person’s spirit was very close and watching, that as time went on they drifted off into the universe, but that they would still come back and be close to you at times when you needed them. After she died, it was actually the way things seemed to me, even though I didn’t ‘believe’. Perhaps you could bring something like that up with an introduction about how the topic came up in conversation, or in something you read. You could even put it in the context of disagreeing with religion, which might not annoy your father so much. It helped my mother, and me too.
Best wishes at a difficult time, Margaret
Glazed eyes can be a sign of overmedication but towards the end, when the body starts shutting down, their vision can also go.
To calm her down, talk to her and tell her that she will most likely be seeing people that passed before her and that you know her time is coming. Tell her not to be afraid as her loved ones will come for her. I started telling my DH this the first time he was sent home to die and I continued for the 2.5 years we had left together.
There can be a tendency to lean towards the side and or backwards - it's the body trying not to fall. But you can tell her that you understand and she needn't be afraid that you will join her again when your time comes.
It doesn't matter if you, or she, believes this. My DH had lost his faith but I know for a fact that he saw people from his past. He saw his first wife, I heard him greet her. He saw his oldest brother, he called him by name. And his eyes were all glassy/misty and he kept looking all over the ceiling and I do believe he saw something or someone or a lot of someones.
Just keep telling her that it is ok and you are there and no harm will come to her.
I am sorry your are having to deal with this, it is a scary time for both of you. But later you will be so glad you were there to witness the passing, whenever it happens.
My mother is doing these things as well, and her poor vision is now completely gone. as well as the leaning backwards and sometimes to the side. plus talking about home etc. Last night she asked me who was coming to get her then later asked if I would atleast stay with her until she went home
Very confused too. Its so very sad to see the daily deterioration. Physically draining !
Even though my dad is 95 1/5, he is aware of what is going on around him and has expressed some preferences about his future. Because he has been in eldercare for almost six years, he has seen the very sad progression of dementia and said he dreads living long enough to go through that decline. We have a very candid relationship with his doctor who has said that he faces a particularly difficult future with his double diagnosis and would be better off dying from a medical event. We have all agreed that my dad should be treated with medications that sustain his current quality of life, but, in a medical situation, we should be prepared to make a decision to forego treatment in favor of Hospice care and allowing nature to take it's course. My dad has excellent health insurance which also pays for an ambulance ride to the hospital. Rather than place me in the position of having to make what is really a medical evaluation that I might second-guess for the rest of my life, we've agreed that I will send him to ER for an evaluation of his condition. Then, based on what they find, we will make the decision whether to treat. If it involves a hospital stay with IV chemicals to improve him, then it's acceptable to him. If it involves invasive diagnostic tests, invasive treatments, a long rehab, or a condition from which he can't return to his current quality of life, then we will switch to Hospice.
I surmise you may not have had the opportunity to have such clarifying conversations with your mum which would bring you some comfort right now. I guess the point of my story with my dad is that there is a point where knowing what's wrong may have no therapeutic value for your mum's state. I think the suggestions to focus on her physical comfort and provide whatever verbal reassurances she might respond to is wise. I might add to their ideas that some people respond to music they have loved in the past by being calmed, or at least distracted by it. Our minister often suggests that when we have determined to allow nature to run its course, that we ask to have noise-making monitors turned off. She reminds us that there is a holiness in the quiet time spent with our loved one as we accompany them to the end of their journey.
Blessings.
Many dementia patients lean toward one side or the other. It is not necessarily associated with Parkinson's (or Lewy body). And it can be one of the early signs of dementia. See:
http://alzonline.phhp.ufl.edu/.../EarlySignsFeb08.pdf
It may also be a side effect (called "Pisa syndrome") of some medicines, including cholinesterase inhibitors, antipsychotics, and antiemetics.
She has been on it for a good while with no side effects which leads me to believe it is just a progression of her Alzheimer’s. It appears like she is forgetting how to walk. Also, it has become worse once off the drug. All very confusing and frightening for her.
God bless and guide you
Everyone at the Nursing Home being wonderful.
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