Mum is suffering from severe memory loss and is very violent towards my Dad. What can I do? - AgingCare.com

Mum is suffering from severe memory loss and is very violent towards my Dad. What can I do?

Follow
Share

She did go to a centre for 'depressed' people and they diagnosed her as 'early onset; of dementia in Jan'13 but discharged her in March'13! We don't know where/who to turn to and the situation is really really bad. She is an insulin dependent diabetic and has beaten cancer twice but 2 days ago after being off cigarettes for 20 years my Dad rang very upset to say that she had bought 20 cigarettes and was puffing away on them! I had a party for Mum in my house 2 wks ago but she is denying there was any birthday cake/candles/party food etc and is also calling my son(her grandson whom I know she adores)a liar when he told her there was a party! We are at our wits end and worried the next violent episode could lead to sdomething far worse. She has held a knife to my Dad and hurls vile abuse at him and us but we know its not her fault. The system here has really failed her and us and we would love advice on what to do. Thanks (Ireland)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
22

Answers

Show:
1 3
Concerned, Get your mom on anti- anxiety meds if her doctor agrees. Don't wait until she hurts someone! My mom spent 3 days in hospital last year and I could see she was losing control, hillucinating, and thought I had dumped her in a nursing home. When they FINALLY got the paperwork done I took her "home" and gave her the meds. She was better within an hour, but at times still believes her fears were real. ( she was in a barn, a tool shed, had a fireplace in her room, etc.). It has to be a hellish existence, and in some form it's there every day.
I can't convince her that she NEEDS to be in assisted living, even tho I do a lot of the assisting, she believes she could live in an apartment alone.
(if she didn't have a machine that tells her to take her meds, she wouldn't remember.). And she doesn't remember whether she took them or not. I have a way to keep track, until she figures it out. God Bless your parents and give doctors the wisdom to give the help needed. Donna
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mom did that too - UTI or cellulitis.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My mother is also an insulin dependent diabetic with dementia. Diabetics, especially women, are prone to UTI's which cannot trigger a worsening of behavior. When my mom's anger becomes violent we immediately test her urine for infection. A course of antibiotics usually takes care of the problem. There are over the counter kits available to test urine for infection. If your dad cannot get her to the doctor, perhaps a home test for infection would be the next best thing. May I also suggest you dad call his county. Many counties offer great services and advice for the elderly. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Mom is not healthy or happy, and staying at home in Dad's care is not going to make her happy or better off in any way, ever...and Dad can't bear to see her go without care because he still loves and is loyal to her. Tough situation all around.

I think people have told you the things you may have to do, and I sure understand why you wish you would not have to do them. BUT Mom is a danger to herself and others, and her needs will eat your Dad alive if you continue to let it happen. If it takes involving the police, involve the police. Half-measures won't do at this point.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You may have to separate your mom and dad and have them live in separate quarters, if at all possible. My parents live with me and my husband in an attached apartment. As they have gotten older, their copying mechanisms have decreased, so 'annoyances' they could once tolerate set them both off. There may come a time when my father may have to live somewhere else. I've been told that is not all that uncommon. I hope this helps. Be strong.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sleep well. The morning brings more wisdom than the evening (old Russan saying). !
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I know and it's gone too far sadly for us to help her ourselves, will talk to her oncologist tomorrow as he's really the only person she trusts and hopefully he can help mum and my dad x
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Honestly my dad just won't go down the 'police' route but at this point I really think tough love is required?!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Concerned; your mom's condition has changed. THEN she was lucid; now she is attacking your father physically. They treated what they saw at the time; which if I understand was in 2013. Something has changed and you need to make EVERYONE aware of that.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sorry, in 1998 and had the same oncologist so maybe he can get us the help my mum needs. We thought that this could have triggered her depression and 'episodes' but my dad and us all have gone through this tragic loss though maybe there is something more deep rooted in her childhood? Does anyone think hypnosis could help?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

1 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Articles
  • The stories we hear and the stories we tell define who we are and how we perceive our world. Alzheimer's is perceived by many as a story-stealer, but a courageous group of caregivers and patients aim to change the view of Alzheimer's disease.
  • People with Alzheimer's and dementia often experience difficulty with recalling the names and faces of their family, friends, and professional care team. In some cases, though, all they need is a little help to mentally connect the dots.
  • Dementia Aware. What does that mean? I read this all the time. Dementia aware restaurants, public places, even dementia aware cities.
  • While caregivers and their loved ones affected by dementia should not give up hope of leading rewarding and enjoyable lives, it is important to be realistic about an Alzheimer's or dementia diagnosis.
  • As a dementia patient, I can still handle the chaos of Christmas Day, but I expect there will come a time when I can no longer cope.
Related
Questions