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She did go to a centre for 'depressed' people and they diagnosed her as 'early onset; of dementia in Jan'13 but discharged her in March'13! We don't know where/who to turn to and the situation is really really bad. She is an insulin dependent diabetic and has beaten cancer twice but 2 days ago after being off cigarettes for 20 years my Dad rang very upset to say that she had bought 20 cigarettes and was puffing away on them! I had a party for Mum in my house 2 wks ago but she is denying there was any birthday cake/candles/party food etc and is also calling my son(her grandson whom I know she adores)a liar when he told her there was a party! We are at our wits end and worried the next violent episode could lead to sdomething far worse. She has held a knife to my Dad and hurls vile abuse at him and us but we know its not her fault. The system here has really failed her and us and we would love advice on what to do. Thanks (Ireland)

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Concerned, Get your mom on anti- anxiety meds if her doctor agrees. Don't wait until she hurts someone! My mom spent 3 days in hospital last year and I could see she was losing control, hillucinating, and thought I had dumped her in a nursing home. When they FINALLY got the paperwork done I took her "home" and gave her the meds. She was better within an hour, but at times still believes her fears were real. ( she was in a barn, a tool shed, had a fireplace in her room, etc.). It has to be a hellish existence, and in some form it's there every day.
I can't convince her that she NEEDS to be in assisted living, even tho I do a lot of the assisting, she believes she could live in an apartment alone.
(if she didn't have a machine that tells her to take her meds, she wouldn't remember.). And she doesn't remember whether she took them or not. I have a way to keep track, until she figures it out. God Bless your parents and give doctors the wisdom to give the help needed. Donna
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My mom did that too - UTI or cellulitis.
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My mother is also an insulin dependent diabetic with dementia. Diabetics, especially women, are prone to UTI's which cannot trigger a worsening of behavior. When my mom's anger becomes violent we immediately test her urine for infection. A course of antibiotics usually takes care of the problem. There are over the counter kits available to test urine for infection. If your dad cannot get her to the doctor, perhaps a home test for infection would be the next best thing. May I also suggest you dad call his county. Many counties offer great services and advice for the elderly. Good luck.
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Mom is not healthy or happy, and staying at home in Dad's care is not going to make her happy or better off in any way, ever...and Dad can't bear to see her go without care because he still loves and is loyal to her. Tough situation all around.

I think people have told you the things you may have to do, and I sure understand why you wish you would not have to do them. BUT Mom is a danger to herself and others, and her needs will eat your Dad alive if you continue to let it happen. If it takes involving the police, involve the police. Half-measures won't do at this point.
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You may have to separate your mom and dad and have them live in separate quarters, if at all possible. My parents live with me and my husband in an attached apartment. As they have gotten older, their copying mechanisms have decreased, so 'annoyances' they could once tolerate set them both off. There may come a time when my father may have to live somewhere else. I've been told that is not all that uncommon. I hope this helps. Be strong.
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Sleep well. The morning brings more wisdom than the evening (old Russan saying). !
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I know and it's gone too far sadly for us to help her ourselves, will talk to her oncologist tomorrow as he's really the only person she trusts and hopefully he can help mum and my dad x
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Honestly my dad just won't go down the 'police' route but at this point I really think tough love is required?!
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Concerned; your mom's condition has changed. THEN she was lucid; now she is attacking your father physically. They treated what they saw at the time; which if I understand was in 2013. Something has changed and you need to make EVERYONE aware of that.
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Sorry, in 1998 and had the same oncologist so maybe he can get us the help my mum needs. We thought that this could have triggered her depression and 'episodes' but my dad and us all have gone through this tragic loss though maybe there is something more deep rooted in her childhood? Does anyone think hypnosis could help?
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I think you need to do some creative thinking; make an appointment and engage in "therapeutic fibbing" by telling her you're going for a drive? to lunch? for tea? To see someone's new baby? Whatever it takes to get her out of the house and into the car. I know in my family, we're all very polite and calm, and sometimes that can work to your detriment when you're talking to a doctor's office and what is going on is really an emergency. which this is. Knives? If you have to call the police, do so. You need to get mom help, and protect Dad. Think how she would feel afterwards if she really hurt him.
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When my mum went to this 'place' for help with her depression they said she was very lucid and apart from dressing 'odd'(??!) They then discharged her!! Even after their initial diagnosis of early onset of dementia! It's meant to be a good 'centre' here in Ireland but it has clearly failed in helping and treating my poor Mum . I know she pays monthly for private health care so will ring around the hospitals tomorrow to see if any of them can help. Am also going to ring her oncologist to see if he can help. My sister sadly passed away age 30 8n 1998 and
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My sister and I have begged him to stay with us but he won't leave mum as he's too worried and afraid of what she might do ; ( I'd made an appointment with the doctor but she cancelled at the last minute, will ring him again tomorrow to discuss what options are available to help Mum x
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Remove dad from the situation and worry about getting treatment for her later. Focusing on her and knowing how difficult it is to get help for her should not prevent you from saving dad from the situation threatening his life. Go get him.
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Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful words and also all your advice xxx
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Good thoughts go with you! Hope this is something simple that gets cleared up. If not, post back. At the point where a person becomes a danger to themselves and/or others (holding a knife to your dad?! Yikes!) it is important for action to be taken.

Another poster on this board (also from Ireland, I believe) was living alone with his mum who was quite far gone with dementia. her doctor kept saying that there was nothing he could do...until the son said he was going to walk away. Emergency services came and got her, and she was found to have VERY advanced Alzheimer's and was put into care immediately. Sometimes we have to take drastic action to get others to pay attention to our elders' needs.
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I just wanted to wish you luck and let you know your in my thoughts. I agree, another workup is in order ( uti like ba8alou mentioned can be a cause)
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Have just phoned our doctor and waiting for a call back to ask him can he call out to her(this would have to be under the pretence he is seeing my Dad!)She has had numerous MRI's/scans over the last few years but nothing 'untoward' diagnosed. fingers crossed it could be an infection rather than anything else, thanks x
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Has she been checked for a uti?
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I forgot to mention our family doctor is aware of her mental status but said apart from either Mum going voluntarily to a 'psych' hospital or Dad getting her admitted by force(he said this would involve the police?!)he cannot do anything else.
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we have tried to get her to our family doctor but she is convinced he is plotting against her. We have rang hospitals but they said she needs a referral before being admitted! Thanks for your post. She won't go voluntarily to any doctors though I think at this stage we may have to get her admitted to A & E and take it from there? My parents are together 49yrs and Dad is so upset and he loves Mum so much(he really is a saint as hes there to take the brunt of the moods/violence as we all live away from home), thanks
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Get her to the doctor, asap. A change in mental status should always be reported to the doctor. It can signal an infection or new, undiagnosed condition.
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