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Mum seems to be getting more and more aggressive i just dont want to be around her now i think she is getting worse shes slamming doors and very agitated i cant say anything but she bites my head off?

We are seeing the geriatrician next friday but her moods are starting to scare me i just cant reason with her.

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Check the thread re: mom is in
NH and aids are not doing work...afraid to say anything,
Very scary regarding the care people are not getting.
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ba8alou: The Hubs gets all his care at the VA here in Madison and I think his geriatric shrink is leaning in the NH direction. We have an apt next week to see a social worker to discuss our options. Problem is I'm not sure I'M ready for that yet. I put the stress of 24/7 care along side the stress of getting to the NH every day (no car) and wondering if he is being well taken of, or maybe even harmed, when I'm not there; I'm not sure which is worse. And if I do place him then I have to get a job as his SS is our only income and they will take that if I'm not mistaken. A lot to think about and I have been putting off the 'thinking' for some time now.
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Try another daycare, some are better than others at handling these situations. My mom was at a daycare run at a local church. There were a few professionals there but mostly nice ladies from the church volunteering. Dad might need a more structured environment. Hope this helps a bit.
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Luann, I can only say that you need to tell the doc that if you can't send hubs to daycare, you need to place him. Some doctors hear better than others!
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bookluv you will get to do these things one day travelling is nothing now and so much cheaper than it used to be!
Of course you are all welcome to come to Ireland anytime! you can look after mum while i go to the pub!!!!!!!!!!
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Spain sounds lovely. I'd like to play tourist - do the whole bit - camera hanging round my neck, taking the tour buses, etc... sigh....
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Hugs and prayers for you my dear. I feel your pain. My Hubs was recently asked to leave his day care because he was becoming aggressive. Nothing like what you are dealing with ..yet. Not getting much help from the Dr so far but I will suggest the Depakote next time we see her. Need to do something soon. Day care was the only thing keeping me sane. Its been 24/7 now for nearly two months. Hang in there. Oh and Im with Cap... lets all go to Spain for a week
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Caregiver99, no one here pretends to be "expert" unless they are certified as such by Agingcare.com. We are folks who have been in the trenches of caregiving mostly for parents with dementias of various sorts. We share our experiences, not expertise. But there is great wisdom in this crowd, and hearing a dozen folks who've walked in your shoes give you the same advice, whether it's that it's time for medication, for NH, for AL, to detach with love, is a powerful experience.
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Kazzaa, hang in there, we are all pulling for you. Prayers.
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Tried that Cap! Knocked out the fridge! No its ok my sis will be here to mummysit its just my sister dosnt belive me when i say dont leave her alone she just dosnt get it and thinks mums ok? why would she when she only sees her 3 times a year? Yep hope mum throws a BIG wobbly then sis can see how serious this illness is!
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if you have an electric range , throw the breakers and go to spain for a week . moms probably worn out with being babysat too .
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Get REAL? How REAL was I supposed to get when I got continual calls at my place of employment from my mom, screaming at me that I was breaking into her home and stealing from her? How REAL was I supposed to get when the police approached me on the street after mom threw me out of her house at dawn (after inviting me to stay overnight), telling me that mom had called them, telling them that I was travelling the streets with a handbag filled with unregistered firearms and illegal drugs? I have never fired a gun in my life let alone own one; I was 54 at the time and the drugs I had in my handbag were Bayer aspirin and prescription Zoloft for depression, prescribed by my physician.

Do you have any idea of what it is is like to be terrorized by a beloved family member daily? DO YOU? Do you know what it is like to try to live a normal life while your sibling and husband tell you that "oh, what's the big deal; she's not that bad," when they are not the target of her combative anger and physical strength?

Walk 2 blocks in my shoes and maybe you will feel differently about telling others to "Please get real". I WAS real. It was terrifying and I wished with all my heart that I was dead when it was occurring, as no one helped me.
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And Captain yes i was thinking "depakote sprinkles" on ice-cream with rasberry sauce may make me smile a bit? No fair we do all the hard work and they get all the Kool drugs somethings not right with this picture?
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Thanks guys! i went into town today and when i came back the cooker was on high heat and shes in watching tv? lucky nothing on it but this is scary she cannot live alone anymore. I was afraid to tell her she left it on again as she denies it and gets aggressive i am not leaving the docs office without a solution? but you all know how this works its up to FAMILY to decide whats best and of course she will do wonders in the "memory tests"?
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@caregiver99 - the meaning of the word "dementia" is from late 18th century: from Latin, from demens, dement- ‘out of one's mind.’

kaz is not saying that is the medical diagnosis, she is referring to the origin of the word and she is correct.

No doubt people with dementia are not in their right minds and that it why this term has been adopted to describe the variety of diseases that are called dementias by the medical profession.

Kaz and most the rest of us are here for support as our loved one's illness progresses.

((((((kaz))))) I think it is wise to trust your instincts about safety Prayers for Friday and the drs appointment. ((((((hugs)))))
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Caregiver99 your profile says you are caring for your wife with mobility problems. Does she have alzheimers or advanced dementia? If not, I suggest you keep your advanced knowledge of latin to yourself as you have no idea what these care givers go through. I said in legal speak "govern yourself accordingly". How would I know that? I only worked in the legal profession for 40 years, go figure.

Normally I just ignore posters who put others down but enough is enough lately. So many come here in pain and frustration, just looking for some help, validation or some comfort. Either speak of your experiences and offer help on the subject at hand or be quiet.

I'm a very quiet easy going sort but when anyone tries to harm in any way a living creature who is down, be it human or animal, you'd better know how to run!!
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mmmmmm,
depakote sprinkles ...
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Truffles mum is on same meds for past 20yrs so not her meds i think its her bloods she refuses to eat properly and she may be having more mini-strokes which is what happens in "vascular dementia" ive seen a bit of a pattern here she can be quite mad for a few days then ok again. Anyway shes getting worse so i think a CT scan may be needed to see if there is further brain damage but her next scan isnt until October.
Shes a very intelligent woman and i think she knows shes losing it and is hitting out at me as who else is here to pick on.

Shes gone to bed now so peace for me she was very quiet tonight but i kept out of her way best to let her be i think. My dad was a violent man and we had an awful childhood there is no way im going through this again with mum its taken me years and therapy to get over dads behaviour so im not going down this road again no way jose. If she gets worse then a court order will have to be made and yes ive heard of just calling an ambulance and she could be admitted into a NH directly.

Hugs guys this is a very scary disease and horrible to watch. Sad that mum used to joke years ago and say if i get ALS "shoot me". Not so funny now, i know she would never want to end up like this its so unfair but hopefully they will be a cure one day and our generation may not have to suffer this awful illness.
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Caregiver99 you are right but "without mind" means your losing your mind your brain cells are dying you are going "mad" not the nicest word but lets be honest here. Ive seen my mums eyes dilate. Ive seen her madness? sorry if im not going to go around saying "mum is without mind". Madness is the only way i can describe what going on here sorry if you find that word offensive but LETS GET REAL EH?
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kazzaa- I hope you can get your mom to the Dr Friday. It can be a range of any issues. If she gets violent again, a trip to the E.R. by ambulance is a good idea. I wish you luck and hugs to you.
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I think it is probably a side effect of her medication Aggressive behaviour is a major side effect of psychotropic drugs and instead of blaming it on dementia read about the side effects You may get help from www.cchr.org
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Dementia is NOT Latin for 'madness,' nor anything like unto it. I suggest you consult a medical dictionary before you give out such flawed information.

"A little learning is a dangerous thing.
Whoever drinks at that Pierian spring
Must quaff it deep
For sipping simply fuddles up the brain,
But drinking deep doth sober it again"

Please get real.
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Ashlynne and all mums a diabetic so yes it could be low bloods although i checked her monitor and its SKY high. She wont eat then eats bread lots of carbs so bad for a diabetic im shocked she is still alive? Refuses to see doc has clam moments then just verbally attacks oh gosh if she ever hit me of my cat thats it game over i will put her in a NH asap stuff that!

Its now when you see her face and as book says her eyes that "dementia" is in your face its latin for "madness" and yes im now seeing madness. Thankgod my brother rings every night but this is her house and ive no means to leave but i will this is going to get worse and i can see violence its not in her nature before but this illness can change people.
My only fear now is she refuses to see geriatrician on friday my big useless brother is coming up and my other brother has warned him to "man up" and get her to that apt!

Some people are docile with this illness why? we dont know and some get violent? But i know and understand that mum needs to watch her bloods as this is bad for mood swings in "vascular dementia". Also oxegen is so important but she wont go out and walk so the less she behaves the worst she will get.

Cant wait to see the "act " she will put on this friday but hes a very intelligent man and has so much pity and understanding for carers he even has his seats adjusted so the carer is behind mum so i can nod my head etc...

Programme on now about "death and the Irish" HA!! how we view death? would love to watch it but not with mum sitting there although its nothing to fear it cant be worse than this job!!! LOL
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Frankly drug her to keep her non-combative or get her out of your house asap for you and your family's safety before there's a 911 call about someone in your house being stabbed or bashed over the head with a lamp. I'm serious. Combativeness only gets worse. Many here go on about UTI, as if it's the cure all for nasty, but there's no curing narcissist nutter nasty and, as they decline, it gets worse. As they say in the legal profession "govern yourself accordingly".

Some here have told you to hide all knives and guns and to lock your bedroom door at night, Excuse me? Do you really want to live in a lock down prison 24/7?
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Like Reverseroles' response, my mom was also put on Depakote sprinkles and it helped enormously. She had such horrendous aggression that she had the strength of 3 men. It was frightening and I will never forget it, as most of her anger was directed at ME. I had a breakdown and had to be hospitalized for 4 days because of it. I know this society tends to be "overmedicated" and there are many who are dead set against medicating--

--but believe me, there is a time and there is a place for medicine. My emotional sanity, and the ability for mom to stay in a nursing home was at stake. Depakote sprinkles helped even out her moods (ps: there is a history of major depression in the maternal side of her family so this is not surprising that it manifested itself when dementia began)
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The neurologist would not prescribe my Mom Seroquel/Haldol since she is 90 years old. If I could ask how old are your parents who are getting prescribed medications for aggression. Totally under what Kazzaa is going thru.
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Low blood sugars or hunger "cravings" can cause these symptoms as well ( my self included lol took me a while to realize...) I started studying up an supplements and foods turned out I believe any way, a deficiency in certain vitamins. Changed my diet added b complex with lecithin and kelp tablets for help with thyroid issues and wow, what a difference! You can tell with low sugars, (acting like a mean drunk and combative as so with diabetics.) Hunger and or cravings (low sugars) (ever see an addict with withdraws? and it doesn't have to mean substance abuse...) So much good advice on this site all brainstorming to give ideas and options for you to consider and the best one I feel is being safe, and staying safe and push for the examination asap. Be safe, Be strong and Be helped with all your needs!
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You need to investigate if she is in pain, something is bothering her.She needs meds so she can explain her combative nature.She can't explain it herself right now so get the medical community involved to evaluate the whys and wherefores.Once she calms down come up with a plan so she doesn't need to go through this again.I have had to deal with combative patients, it turned out to be UTIs, pain, once a twisted bowel, a tooth infection, the list is endless.Good luck and please don't stop seeing her she cannot help herself.Good luck
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lots of great answers here, we've all been there!I would like to put my 2 cents in also. My Mom not only got agressive, she tried to jump out the window and took off up the hill on foot after recovering from a broken hip (also had/has dementia). She started hitting my caregiver as I was on my way home from work, and it took 2 neighbors to get her safely into their car and then I got help getting her into my house. All chains on tops of doors here but my caregiver thought going out would calm her, no way! She sat in a chair, calmed down, and started to cry and said "whats wrong with me?"
I called the neurologist and he put her on a medicine called depakote sprinkles. Its supposed to be for seizures, to calm the brain but also works for dementia agression. It worked like a charm. not only was she happier ON medicine, but so was I. At first she slept a lot, then she got adjusted to it and was fine. I kept trying to wean her off it after a year and the agression snuck back in. Now, 2 years later, she is off of it and fine, happy and alert, Good luck, just dont take it personally, you cannot rationalize with them in that state of mind and she does not mean it, she cannot help it. Lock the doors and like bookluver said, hide the knives, scissors, etc and watch her closely.
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If your mum's 'aggression' is limited to her slamming doors, then you have little to worry about.

Wait for the geriatricitian's diagnosis.

Making diagnoses from a short post that contains very little detail is foolhardy, and relying on such diagnoses to recommend a course of action is even worse.

UTIs can only be confirmed by urunalyais and culture and sensitivity testing.

People often slam doors when they are angry but it rarely signifies an infection. Your Mum obviously disagrees with your 'reasoning,' whatever you mean by that.

Guessing at cyber-distance is a dangerous game to play with the health of another. Clinical examination and a variety of tests are needed to arrive at a safe diagnosis and to decide on a course of treatment, should that be necessary.

Be kind and humour her until health service [professionals have had the chance to determine whether there is anything 'wrong' with your mother, or whether she is fed up with other people telling her what to do and how to do ,it.

Please be very, very cautious about medical or psychiatric advice given in this forum. Most contributors are not professionals and what might fit one case, such as the case or cases they know, probably will not fit every case.

People mean well, but medicine is such a big field that requires professionals to do it properly without endangering the cared for.

I wish you well.
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