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Dad has been in a dementia secure ward for 3 months .
He is finally coping well with his medication . So I have been taking him on day trips .
Mum is spinning out

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As always, Jeanne had a wonderful answer. As long as your dad doesn't return confused and disoriented, an outing is likely good for him. It all depends on how he responds. I agree that finding our why your mum doesn't like may help. Perhaps she feels jealous (but doesn't know it) that you can give this to your dad and she can't. Would it be helpful if she could go along? See what you can get out of her (kindly). Also, talk to the social worker at the home. He or she may have some good advice for you.
Take care,
Carol
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Good for you! Social, emotional, and physical activity is very good for persons with dementia, as long as it is kept within their capabilities. A change of scenery is also beneficial. I'm sure you'll be on the lookout for signs of over-stimulation, exhaustion, or increased confusion.

Why is it the Mum is not on board with this? Does she think it is not good for Dad? Is she jealous? Is she worried about you?

Please help us understand Mum's objections and perhaps someone can offer specific advice.
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I personally think that if your Dad can handle an outing without becoming emotionally distraught then there is no problem. I honestly believe it is good for him to be able to be a part of the world again in any way that he feels comfortable.

Your Mom is probably afraid that his condition will worsen or perhaps she is afraid he will get sick on an outing. Speak to her and ask her to verbalize her specific concerns.
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gladimhere, It doesn't seem right to me, either, to just keep them home. If she enjoys lunches out, take her out! If she were confused about what a restaurant is, if she were sure someone was trying to poison her there, if she starts crying in the middle of the salad and wants to go home -- those are reasons I would curtail that kind of outing. But if she enjoys it and is a little confused upon returning home, I personally think that is worthwhile. If she comes home from church extremely agitated and sure she is going to hell tomorrow, I'd think twice about taking her to church.

When you have dementia you have confusion. A little increased temporary confusion is not the end of the world, in my mind, if the outing was worthwhile in other ways.

It is agitation, anxiety, and distress that I would watch out for. Outings often made my husband extremely tired. Tired is easily curable, with extra napping. Extreme exhaustion that lasted for days and distressed him would have been another matter.

It is, for me, a matter of weighing the risks compared to the benefits. If going to church with your sister is generally a positive experience for your mother, then that outweighs minor temporary confusion. At least it does to me -- you have to make your own judgment, of course.

Also, benefit to caregiver is a legitimate consideration. My mom lives with my sister. She spends one weekend a month with me, another with a different sister, and some nights with her fourth daughter. All this visiting confuses her. Her first visit with me she was terribly anxious, but she gradually has become comfortable in her visits. But the sister she lives with could simply not do the caregiving without respite. The benefit to that sister translates into a benefit for Mom, too. I doubt very much that she would be less anxious in a nursing home than she is spending weekends with her daughters.

We seldom can make things perfect for people who have such a ruthless disease. As caregivers we do our best to minimize the pain and maximize the joy. And often how to do that is a judgment call.
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Thanks for your help
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Carol's statement about outings being ok unless it increases confusion has me wondering if outings should be curtailed for my mom. Whether it is sis taking her to church, or we go to lunch, or sometimes when she returns home from day program confusion increases. She sometimes does not recognize her home of 50 years and thinks someone has been renting it. She is astounded that all of her clothes and things are here. It doesn't seem right to just keep them at home, she enjoys the day program, lunches out, and church with sis. I cannot keep her from going with sis, it doesn't happen regularly.
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If he enjoys the outings and it does not confuse him more I think it's good for him to get out. Your mother may have concerns that he could become confused or have some behavioral issues with a change of scenery. Every person with dementia is affected different. Enjoy the time you spend together for all to soon he will be lost forever.
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All sorted out now , communication was needed and a bit more pre planning
Thanks for advice
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