Any tips on moving a non compliant parent into assisted living? - AgingCare.com

Any tips on moving a non compliant parent into assisted living?

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Just before we went on vacation, an apartment became available for my Mom (age 87) at the local Assisted Living facility. When I told her she did not say much and she had previously said she would give it a try. I made a down payment to hold the apt. and we left town. The day after we left, she called the facility and cancelled her room. Thankfully I have been assured by the facility that it is still reserved. My Mom at this point still thinks it has been cancelled. I would appreciated and tips on doing this transfer with a reluctant (or may be angry) participant. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

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An, you can try explaining to mom that she needs to go willingly, before something bad happens that will require NH care. With dementia, logic is gone. In my experience, if a person is stubborn before the dementia, they just become totally pig-headed and become their own worst enemy.

This not your fault. Not hers either, but don't beat yourself up.
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anereus,

My mother was stubborn that way and her doctor encouraged her to move to an assisted living. It took an emergency to move her, but the move was to a nursing home due to a broken hip that her dementia kept her from ever walking again because she could not keep focused in physical therapy.
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She is showing signs of dementia, does not cook for herself and is disoriented many times. Her doctor is encouraging her to go. If I wait until a crisis such as a bad fall ( she had fallen about three times in the last 2 weeks) and she is not able to walk in on her own, the facility will not accept her. She has to be able walk, get out of bed, in and out of a chair, commode, cut food etc unassisted in order to be admitted.
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I have been told by many on this forum and by several professionals that when a person is particularly stubborn or flat out refuses AL when they really need the assistance, you just have to wait until a fall or other crisis happens and they are left with no other choice. This is very unfortunate but what I must do with my mother. She is of sound mind and will not consider AL. She should not be living alone due to age-related decline. She needs more and more from her family and we all live long distances away from her. She is adamant and will not cooperate. So we wait.... :(
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As long as she has not been proclaimed incompetent by a judge and two doctors, she's free to do as she pleases. Is she showing signs of dementia? Has she forgotten that she said that she would give it a try?
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