Moving my wife to a memory care facility out of state.

I think the trip will be too stressful for you and your wife could have an emotional meltdown. I would suggest moving her to a facility without having to ge on plane. What if there’s a delay? Sitting on runway long time? It’s not going to go smoothly with wife on airplane trip. That’s just my honest opinion. Also, don’t count on friends or family to suddenly support you. They can disappear into thin air when things go rough. They’ll decide they have no time, have other things to do, etc No family members or my one sibling ever helped me with my mother’s care. Only the paid private caregiver.

In addition, you have no guarantee that you will find a memory care facility that will accept her! You might have to bring her into your new house! & then be forced to do accessible accommodation in new house. You can end up having a makeshift nursing home in your brand new house. Try finding so called family and friends then. No one will show up.

I wish you the best of luck and health. Hugs 🤗

The "drop off". I would ask prior if staff could be there to help. Maybe just go to the common area and sit with her for a little while. My Mom was about Stage 5 or 6 when I placed her in an AL. I told her when we were driving there that she was going to a new apt and going to make new friends. I would have daughter leave first. My daughter used to tell Mom she was going to work, we never used the word home. Then you have a staff member take over. Tell her you will see her later, kiss and hug and let the staff member take over.

It's a wise decision for you to move closer to family that can be your support system. This is a good thing for both you and your wife.

There really isn't an easy way to put someone to memory care that is not going to be stressful and high anxiety at some point.
Medicating her with some anti-anxiety meds and having your daughter come to help is an excellent plan. Ask her doctor if it's possible for her dose to be increased temporarily because of the traveling and for the first few days at the new MC.

Talk to the airport you're using and ask for a wheelchair for her. Even if she doesn't have mobility issues and many people with Alzheimer's/dementia don't. I suggest a wheelchair because I was a caregiver for a long time. I have had senior care clients with dementia but no mobility issues just go dead weight and have to be placed on the ground to sit, or in the aisle of a department store, or on the floor of a public bathroom. This kind of thing happens all the time and it usually ends with paramedics having to get the person up, a bout of incontinence, and hysterics. Use the wheelchair. Tie her in it with a posie or secure vest if you have to. Make sure there's a wheelchair when you land too.

After you get her into the MC, trying a lie or 'therepeutic fib' like Geaton suggests in the comments cound make the transition easier. Then you have to walk away and stay away for a few days. She has to get used to the new place.

You already know that a person with dementia declines in memory care. It's a tough decision for many family when they have to place a LO. Many people blame themselves when a person in MC declines because they placed them. Dementia is a terrible disease. The decline is no one's fault. The coming days and weeks are going to be hard on you but you're doing all the right things.

I hope everything goes as easy as possible for you and your family. Keep us updated.

I think it is a fabulous idea. You need the support of more friends and family.

It sounds like you are well prepared and taking your daughter along is a wonderful idea.

May The Lord bless your trip and make it a smooth transition.

No matter what you do
No matter how you plan this
No matter what steps you take to make this as easy as possible she will decline.
I think even if you moved her from 1 room to another in the same facility she would have problems. (If her room is on the right side of the hall and you moved her to the left side it would confuse her for a while)
**I strongly suggest that you take someone else with you that she is familiar with and comfortable with. If you have to use the washroom, someone can stay with her, if she gets agitated there will be someone else to help calm her.
**Talk to her doctor about medicating her for agitation before you begin the trip.
**Make sure the airline is aware that you need a wheelchair to the gate.
**If you can get "pre-check" for security. (If medicated she will be a fall risk, you do not need her standing for a search)

All your explanations will not matter as most of what you tell her she will forget or not understand.
You could tell her ..."Betty, we are going to visit "Susie". The new Memory Care Facility could be the "hotel" . Bring her to the room and tell her you are going to get the suitcases.

You can create a "therapeutic fib" that the facility can also participate in. Something like, this is a temp apartment, etc. Whatever you think she'll accept or will keep her calm.

I'm planning on giving her anti-anxiety med and have a daughter go with. Hopefully that will work.

Will she get on the plane and be ok in the car?