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I moved in with my mom 2 years ago while her Alzheimer's was progressing. In the past 6 months her cognition has declined. I still have my home in Florida which I rented but am at a point now where a move closer to my life is necessary. I have durable power of attorney but have been more than patient in trying to get her to leave her home. She is unable to live alone, her driving privileges have been revoked and her neurologist has provided a letter verifying that she is unable to live alone and requires 24/7 care. Any advice on how to get her to leave is appreciated.

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I think that you just tell her what is going to happen and then move.

Does she have any lucid moments? This would be the time to tell her that you are going to Florida and you want her to come or she can be placed in a facility locally if she doesn't want to move and be with you. But only do this if she is lucid.

I always think that it os harder for them to fight when it is presented as a done deal.
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I had the same issue with my parents - extreme reluctance to move from their home. The loss of driving privileges forced the issue, but my father never reconciled himself to living with me, or anywhere other than his home. He was extremely unhappy the time he was living with me. I still wonder if I did the right thing, but medical staff and social workers have reassured me I did...

My father wouldn't have been fooled by a therapeutic fib, but if that will work for your mother it sounds like a humane thing to do...
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Hi Angel, Maybe you could tell your Mom that you need to go to your Florida home to check on it and clean it up after the tenants moved out. Tell her you could use her help and treat it as a vacation (white lie). Many years ago that is how I got my Mom to my home 1500 miles from hers. Told her she was coming for a vacation. I sorted out all details later as I also had POA. My Mom is still with me many years later. I work from home, am 57, and things are ok. Working from home is HUGE in making this arrangement possible. Best of luck with your Mom.
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angelalutz63 Jun 2020
Ty so much. I did take her after the tenants moved out and it was not the right time to do that because the disarray and condition of the home had her feel "the house is cold". We came back to her home and I will take a few trips down there to get it "warm" again before the next "visit". I am working on trying to get other family members on board with the transition and permanent move to my home in Florida.
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Hi angelalutz, your dilemma has been experienced by many on this forum. My opinion is that the caregiving arrangement has to be in the best interests of both people. Your mom is no longer able to make rational decisions so there is no point in trying to convince her or wait for her to change her mind. Even if she does, it may change back the next day, or on moving day. Her care will become very intense and will likely overwhelm you, especially if you are already experiencing a health or physical challenge. May I gently suggest you consider transitioning her into a care community close to your home in FL? Then you will have the best of both worlds. You say you miss your life...if you move her in with you, you won't have much of one whether or not you are back in FL. Please read some posts by those who are in the throes of caring for their LOs with ALZ to fully understand what your days will entail trying to care for her. In a facility, your mom will get all the medical help she needs, and have social exposure and activities (as long as she can participate).

In terms of literally getting her to FL, is it far enough away that you need to fly? You are perfectly legitimate to tell her a "therapeutic fib", like, you are going to visit someone (and the facility is a hotel). The facility admin will have advice for you as well. If you choose to care for her at your home, no judgments but just hope you embark on that journey with your eyes fully open. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart no matter what you decide!
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angelalutz63 Jun 2020
Thank you for your insight. I understand the challenges and want to spend as much time with her as I can. I will seek respite through family, friends and community resources. I have made a pact with myself that I will never put my mom in a care facility. That's just the way it will be. Luckily, I have no medical issues that will be a hardship for me.
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