Moving my mom to my home but her resistance is challenging. Any advice?

Hi angelalutz, your dilemma has been experienced by many on this forum. My opinion is that the caregiving arrangement has to be in the best interests of both people. Your mom is no longer able to make rational decisions so there is no point in trying to convince her or wait for her to change her mind. Even if she does, it may change back the next day, or on moving day. Her care will become very intense and will likely overwhelm you, especially if you are already experiencing a health or physical challenge. May I gently suggest you consider transitioning her into a care community close to your home in FL? Then you will have the best of both worlds. You say you miss your life...if you move her in with you, you won't have much of one whether or not you are back in FL. Please read some posts by those who are in the throes of caring for their LOs with ALZ to fully understand what your days will entail trying to care for her. In a facility, your mom will get all the medical help she needs, and have social exposure and activities (as long as she can participate).

In terms of literally getting her to FL, is it far enough away that you need to fly? You are perfectly legitimate to tell her a "therapeutic fib", like, you are going to visit someone (and the facility is a hotel). The facility admin will have advice for you as well. If you choose to care for her at your home, no judgments but just hope you embark on that journey with your eyes fully open. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart no matter what you decide!

Hi Angel, Maybe you could tell your Mom that you need to go to your Florida home to check on it and clean it up after the tenants moved out. Tell her you could use her help and treat it as a vacation (white lie). Many years ago that is how I got my Mom to my home 1500 miles from hers. Told her she was coming for a vacation. I sorted out all details later as I also had POA. My Mom is still with me many years later. I work from home, am 57, and things are ok. Working from home is HUGE in making this arrangement possible. Best of luck with your Mom.

I had the same issue with my parents - extreme reluctance to move from their home. The loss of driving privileges forced the issue, but my father never reconciled himself to living with me, or anywhere other than his home. He was extremely unhappy the time he was living with me. I still wonder if I did the right thing, but medical staff and social workers have reassured me I did...

My father wouldn't have been fooled by a therapeutic fib, but if that will work for your mother it sounds like a humane thing to do...

I think that you just tell her what is going to happen and then move.

Does she have any lucid moments? This would be the time to tell her that you are going to Florida and you want her to come or she can be placed in a facility locally if she doesn't want to move and be with you. But only do this if she is lucid.

I always think that it os harder for them to fight when it is presented as a done deal.