I have recently found an assisted living facility for my mom, who has been in my home since march of 2019. She is willing to go and looking forward to it. It definitely did not work out for any of us. If it doesn’t work at the facility for some reason, am I responsible to bring her back to my home. It’s not something I feel I would be able to do. This has been quite an ordeal.

Well, my mother has been a real fireball..all her life. She refused all our suggestions and was determined to stay in her home, then she had a slight stroke, we moved her to FL and she is now in AL.

We thought that she would be a real problem there, nope..she loves it, has made new friends, likes her apartment and enjoys being chauffeured around by the homes shuttle bus.

Glad that she likes it there, because that is where she will stay until she goes to the happy hunting ground, she is soon to be 95, there are no other options.

No, you do not have to take her back to your home.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to anonymous912123
JoAnn29 Jan 11, 2020
Great Dolly.
I too was not a Caregiver and placed Mom in an AL after living with me 20 months. It wasn't she wasn't nice, it was she was like a child. Had to do everything for her. Toileting was the hardest. She would be up in the middle of the night. I can't function without sleep. Plus my house is nothing but stairs and she had a hard time with them.

Once u put Mom in an AL, thats it. No "if she likes it" that is now her new home and she needs to adjust. She has a Dementia, its not going to get better. Maybe why her reactions to not wanting to be alone. Like said, she wants to go first hurdle done. Better that she adjusts now to it being her new home than later when harder for her to except. Do not give her an option. Do not give into her. Do not let her guilt you. When she is negative, try to change the subject. If she is nasty, walk away. Say, see u later. When she says I want to go home, tell her the AL is now her home. She has a nice little apt (we never called it a room) for privacy and a common area if she wants to make friends, be involved in activities and the entertainment that comes in. If she is capable, there are shopping outings.

I will assume u have POA. This is when it comes into effect. Mom can no longer make decisions about her life if she has a dementia. Its no longer what she wants but what she needs. When my brother visited he made a big thing out of her AL. "Boy, I could live here". "Love this apt". We always told Mom it "was" her home. She would make new friends. Don't visit real long the first week or so. Just kind of a "seeing how its going" Let the staff do their jobs. She is paying for her care. I not once toileted my Mom when she was in the AL. I always called an aide.
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Reply to JoAnn29

No. If it doesn't work out she will be unhappy. But that is much more likely if there is an "option". Too many choices isn't always a good thing. It should be clear that there is honestly no other choices. It wasn't working. I would not work again. So let's put it this way "not working in AL is much much better for you than not working in your own home." Happiness is not always one of the options at the end of life. It isn't a happy process I find, is more a process of one loss after another. All this malarky we are sold about wisdom and wonder in our later years is a pile of it, to be frank.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlvaDeer

No you are not responsible to bring her back to your home.

If it doesn't work, find out if she needs a higher level of care.

Memorize the words "It is unsafe for her in my home!" No further explanation is required. She can not be safe in your home. This will help get a social worker involved to help find mom the right, safe place.

Good for you for moving her out instead of sucking it up for years and destroying your own life.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal

I’m not sure what you mean when you wrote that it didn’t work out for any of you. If she is looking forward to it, that’s half the battle. The most important thing is to give it a chance. Don’t visit constantly and for long hours at a time. Be upbeat and positive. Let the staff know you are proactive about her and that they can call you at any time.

Do you have to bring her back to your home? No, you don’t. No one can force you to do that. Simply say that you are not comfortable and/or equipped to be a home caregiver and other arrangements need to be made.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Ally1111 Jan 11, 2020
Thank you!
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