Moving mother with dementia from state to state?

Hi All,

I wanted to provide an update that might be helpful to others. After much consideration, we decided to use a medical transport company. With my MIL, she has signficant sundowning in the late afternoon and evening where she becomes aggressive and combative. In talking with them, they thought the best option was having her come on a commercial morning flight, non-stop with one of their traveling nurses who was an RN. She visited with MIL in days before departure day and met with staff at current facility.

I'm happy to report that she made it safe and sound to us and is settled in the new memory care facility near where we live. I was super impressed with everything they did. It wasn't cheap, but it took a lot of stress off of us. Here's their website, https://www.usairambulance.net/medical-transport-options.php.

My husband I would do it together, he never asked or implied I should try to drive his mom on it my own. His work has been very kind in allowing him leave to do what he needs to do for his mom.

I think we've decided either by car or by train. Just trying to evaluate what would be best for all concerned at this point.

Do it by SUV - if possible - with 3 people including you and your husband, so drivers can sleep and the drive is continuous. Hubs needs to have the guardianship paperwork with him too. Should something odd happen and you get pulled over by police or MiL tells someone she being kidnapped, the legal guardian needs to be there and that is not you but your Hubs.

Y’all have not been around her in the same city, you really do not know how “show timing” she can be. They can be quite clever.

Please pls your hubs has to accompany you on this trip. MiL needs to be able to see and hear his voice; it will calm / reassure her should she get anxiety or even belligerent. If he needs to take off from work, that flat needs to happen. Unless his work is so critical central like he is the chief surgeon for regional pediatric heart surgery and the unit is slammed with appointments thru October. If that’s the case, then he can afford a life-flight type of $$ air service to get her flown to your city in a matter of hours.

If his taking off from his work is a sticking point for him to do, this to me, is a red flag for your future on all dealings with MiL. It is his mom, this move is very very important, if he cannot adjust his schedule for this, which is maybe 3 days at most, this does not pose well for what the future will be like imho, just sayin’…. Good luck.

Thanks everyone. A friend of mine mentioned possibly taking the train and paying for a sleeper car. So am possibly looking into that as well. Appreciate all the thoughts and advice.

I moved my mom to south Florida from north Georgia. It was about 10 hours and I decided to drive. We stopped for the night. We chose a small hotel and got two queen beds. I was afraid for her to be in another adjoining room. It was a long trip but my mom was passive and barely spoke a word the whole trip. I would not have been able to get her on a plane. Despite the fact that I then had constant caregiving, it was easier than trying to take care on her long distance.

Can you and hubby do it together? If you have 2 drivers, try to do it nonstop, take turns driving and sleeping and hopefully MIL will sleep most of the time. I would ask her doc about giving her a little something to keep her relaxed, just for the trip.

No way would I try to take her on a plane. Way too many moving parts and things that could go wrong. And so much waiting in the airport that could certainly trigger an outburst or ten.

Good luck.

My mother is also several states away from me. She had a stroke in 2016, and after my father passed away in 2018, my husband and I had to get her into an ASF asap. We didn't have enough time to get her moved to Nebraska, where I lived.

My mother was walking but she lost her mobility during Covid. It would be impossible to have her go on a plane or in a car, etc.
I did check online and there are services available to move people with health concerns such as your MIL and my mom, but it is very pricey. Here is one company that I found on the web. https://medic-trans.com/

Just to clarify, until recently she was in her home with a caregiver who was helping her. She had a respiratory issue that caused her to be hospitalized (but that has been treated) and the caregiver says she can no longer provide care at her home, that it is too much. My husband still works full-time and is in a specialized field that it is not possible for us to move to where my MIL is. Thus why we want to move her so that we can visit often and see her more. Is is over 1,000 miles away.