Moving mom (85) with Alzheimer's to memory care this weekend: Prayers, kind thoughts and advice appreciated! What do I need to provide?

Dancing.

I am very happy for you and your mom. She’s safe and you are not experiencing the anxiety that you had. There is an adjustment period. Moving into a new environment can take getting used to but she will settle in and you will become more comfortable with it too.

I think cameras are a big help! Things won’t ever be perfect at her facility but things are never perfect at home either. Continue to be an advocate. I am glad that you don’t expect perfection. It sounds like she is residing in a lovely place with many amenities.

A follow up: Mama's been at the MC community for 8 days as of today. I was with her for about 6 hours on day 1, then told her she'd be staying overnight in her lovely new room "on vacation"; she was very unhappy but the staff helped comfort her. I visited on days 2-4, then had to go out of town. We've video chatted every day she's not been busy with activities, and I'm extremely glad I installed the webcam, as it records people's comings and goings in her room; she's dressed in her bathroom and I appreciate her being given dignity and privacy.

She's eating well, seems to be in pretty good spirits, and participates in activities when given an opportunity; maybe I'm misunderstanding, but it seems like they have to expend extra effort to bring her to the activities in AL - art, music, exercise - that match her capabilities, she's still mobile and lively.

Based on a few things I saw on the cam, I've spoken with the community director to level set and clarify my expectations. For example, one night, no one came to help mom dress for bed and she slept all night in her day clothes. I told the director I understood staff have to also attend to other residents with higher needs, but would like to see better consistency with mom's daytime activities and her bedtime; this was one of their selling points, and why I chose them. I don't know what's normal for family involvement, but I'm happy to speak up if it helps my little mama.

I'm warming to the idea of this becoming permanent. This is the right thing to do at the right time; I just needed the time to adjust. Even if she doesn't get to seated yoga, nature art, and sing along every day, she's safe, clean, well fed, and comfortable. Moreover, I can let go of the 24hr anxiety of trying to keep up with all her needs and keeping her out of harms way (no more stairs!) Overall, I'm so relieved, just overwhelmingly relieved. And grateful.

Thanks again for all your kind words and warm wishes.

When I got my mother set up in her MC room, I put up a dry erase board. Nowadays, she can't refer to her address book anymore for phone numbers *and can barely use the phone, truthfully* so I put my phone # in LARGE numbers on the dry erase board so she can plainly see it. I also attached a list of the other numbers she needs and tacked it on the bottom of the board. If she needs to call you, the CGs should have your number handy so they can assist her on the spot, you know?

My mother also goes through a lot of tissues, so I have her stocked up with them (the MC will only hand out boxes in a pinch). Her beloved face cream, too.......and some photos in frames of her great grandson, too.

Don't worry; your mom will let you know if and what she needs if you did forget something. It's hard to make the transition, so I wish you both well. I truly believe the care my mother gets in her MC is so great that she's alive today at 94.5 because of it. Truly.

You have made a wise decision to provide her with a safer living situation. It was hard for me to leave my dad at assisted living. However, he had become a danger to himself and others. You have done a great job preparing for the transition. Please be kind to yourself.

You are well prepared. I only popped in to say to have peace in your heart knowing that you have made the best possible decision.

I recently lost my mom this April. She lived with us for 15 years and with my brother for about a year and a half. She died in a wonderful hospice house with end stage Parkinson’s disease at age 95. They took excellent care of her.

It is a relief to know that a caring staff will always be on hand to assist your mom. You can visit her and be the lovely daughter that you are without the worries of being ‘on call’ for her needs.

Wishing you and your mom all the best! Keep us posted on how she is settling in. My mom settled into the hospice house better than we expected. She had been praying for a way not to be a burden to us in her final days. I miss her terribly but I am glad that she is at peace and reunited with my father that she dearly loved and missed.

Put her name on EVERYTHING before you take it. Much easier. Expect laundry to get mixed up -- it happens.

"Weeping" and "letting go". Yes, I do know about all that. My mom has been my life for 10 years. I had to move her recently from assisted living to memory care while indoor visits weren't allowed and outdoor visits were very confusing for her. Her needs and her care are similar, except that she needs a bit more care now and the rules are much more restrictive about visits, so I feel distanced from her. She doesn't seem any longer to know what things are hers, but I took all her clothes, shoes and slippers, bedding that she likes, and her favorite chair. I also took her DVD player and DVD's about animals and baseball, photos and wall art, and her music player (from the Alzheimer's store, that has no buttons, just lift the top and it plays). I take her favorite juice to her when I visit because they don't serve it there. I leave photo albums there that I look through with her when I visit so she can tell me about the people she remembers and I can tell her about the ones she does not remember. I guess photos are the only other things I can think of for you to include. I assume they asked for her medical directives. Oh, and I got her one of those interactive toy dogs from the Alzheimer's store too, and she absolutely loves it. And like bicycler says, stay for a while if you are allowed.

Oyadancing, your list looks pretty complete to me. One idea, maybe you can take your mom with you on Saturday to start setting up her room, which may or may not help her transition, but you might also get more ideas about things you may have forgotten or not considered. I understand your frazzled "forgetting something" feeling, but once she's there those feelings will probably go away pretty quickly.

Before I moved my dad to a memory care facility, I took him there with me a few of the many times that I was scoping it out and he seemed to enjoy those outings. When I moved him there, I didn't tell him about it and instead just did it. I spent the first night there with him and ate the first couple of meals with him. He transitioned well and became more social than he had been for quite a while. Like your mom, he had no short-term memory and his only long-term memories were from his childhood. I hope your mom's move goes as well as my dad's and it sounds to me like it will. Best wishes to both of you.