Moving mom to SNF next week from assisted living. How do I tell her this and that she will be having a roommate?

I hate dementia too. Big time. I will be in the same boat if my 93 y/o mother is still alive next January. I will have to apply for Medicaid to place her in a SNF at that time, and she will have a roommate as well. And.........she really dislikes women in general. Sigh.

God help us all, huh? I have no great words of wisdom for you here besides what TNTechie had to say. There's no 'easy' way to make a change here, let's face it. Hopefully, she will get a great roommate & they'll become fast friends........think of it that way. I'm sure she will adjust in time. Human beings have a way of doing just that. Good luck!

Bella, I notice your profile states both your parents are in AL. Are they living together now? If so, have you considered moving both to SNF together?

I recommend waiting until the day before or the day of the move to tell your mother so she doesn't have too much time to fret about the change. The unknown is more worrisome than the actual change in most cases. Try to not telegraph your feelings. It's possible you are more upset over this move than she will be. If you treat it like a positive, she may too. Explain she is moving because she needs more care. Try to have her side of the room decorated with some of her things when she arrives and ask her if there's anything she would like moved over from the AL. If your parents have been together in the AL, assuring her how she will still see her husband will probably be her biggest concern.

Thank you for your response, I agree with everything you said. My parents are divorced, they used to live at the same AL but I moved mom to a new place last year. I do know this move is going to be harder on me so I will be working on that with positive thoughts.

Wondering how others parents adjusted to moving in with a roommate ? It’s hard because some days she’s like my old mom with no memory issues.

I hate dementia

I was very concerned about my mom's move from assisted to SNF, but she didn't even notice. I was sad for her, but it was a blessing for me.

Most people do well. I know of people who have trouble adjusting to new roommates, but those folks are usually ones who used to share with a spouse... and the spouse has passed.

Be truthful and kind. I would say, "You need a little more help and probably some company. This move should help with both."

Saying this with love for you and with experience- the things that are breaking your heart in two are not bothering her in the same way or intensity that they are bothering you.

You cannot change the fact that her life has been disrupted and damaged by her disease, and you have done all of the right things, learned all that you could, and done your best to soften the blows that you were able to anticipate.

You may now be experiencing “the honeymoon” but if things go terribly bad within the next few weeks, bolster yourself by thinking about how much you love her, and how beneficial her new life can be FOR HER, and move through it. It will change before too long, and may be for the better, but if not you know that she will be safe and cared for.

I have no help to offer, but a question: why a SNF and not memory care? Should my dad pass first, my mother will no longer be able to manage in AL, so we have her on wait lists for 2 MC facilities where she will be able to have a private room. She has no medical issues that would require skilled nursing.

One thing that really helped ease my Mom's move from AL to SNF was an increase in frequency and length of my visits. Getting to know the staff as much as possible, her roommate was very helpful for me to assist in creating a more homelike, less sterile environment and to act as the "glue" for Mom, introducing her to staff, other residents and bringing some lightness to what can be a stark change in environment and subsequent mood.
I know this sounds like an increase in your time and energy expenditure but honestly, it gave me more peace of mind when I left and I do feel she received a bit better care having built relationships with the staff. Hope this is somewhat helpful. Also, as said above be sure to label everything w/her name, take NOTHING of value or that you would not miss if lost and do a sweep for all essential items (toothbrush, etc.) each time you visit to be sure things are where she needs them. Prayers to you.

How much we’ll tell parents with dementia about future plans depends on the level of dementia. I suspect in your case mom doesn’t retain much so it’s probably of little use to go through the battle over and over.

I had a mom with slight dementia, who had some short term memory. With her it was THIS IS JUST UNTIL YOU GET BETTER. My dad had deeper dementia, no short term memory, with dad it was YOU NEED TO STAY HERE AND HELP MOM. And then variations on those themes as they raised hell and were confused. Good times........

With dad I could keep diverting him fairly well by fibbing, mom I had to finally have the come to Jesus talk.....You can’t live at home, like it our not I have to make the decisions now to keep you guys safe etc. Good times......

Good luck to you.

When my Mom was moved to a memory care home she did not even recognize that she had a room mate. However when ever she did fuss or question things, and now my husband does the same, I say "The Doctor said (or) advised this".