Follow
Share

My MIL is 92 with dementia will be moving to a different AL facility in May due to various circumstances. My husband and I feel this is in her best interest and will be beneficial in the long run. Of course we have not discussed any of this with her since she will get very upset and angry, mostly with me. We have a move-in date at the new facility and I will need to give a 30 day notice at her current facility. I will not be able to pack while she is in her current apartment so will need to bring her home (could be a disaster) or find some kind of respite care.
So that's the long story...When and how do we tell her she is moving. I know her response will be "NO, I AM NOT GOING". I find myself waking up in the middle of the night stressing about this. Please advise me.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Thanks everyone for your advice. We talked things over with mom last night and she was cooperative and actually interested in making a move. I think what helped was telling her it was closer to our home. Go figure :)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

See if your new ALF will let her come in as a Respite Patient first-isually 2 weeks or so to get her familar with the surroundings, most do- I had to go in for surgery 3 times and had my mom in respite care those times. After she is in for respite set her up for perm. placement and move her things to her new room. Normally on respite they provide a furnished room so you could move her things in then. She may like it and want to stay you never know. Just explain this is the best situation for you -whether for safety, her health, better facilty etc... good luck!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Moves are very hard on those with dementia. How long has she been in her current location? What sorts of adjustment issues did she have when she moved there? What are the reasons for the move? I ask because we are shopping facilities and want to find a place that has a contiuum of care from independent living, memory care, assisted living and skilled nursing. All are concerned that Mom will run out of money for self pay, so a medicaid facility is also important. Naturally, because of the Medicaid option after two years of self pay, this facility has a waiting list. We do not want to have to move Mom again for any reason whether it be out of funds, then you do not have the selection of facilities as self pay or needs nursing care. This is a nice facility, does not have the cruise ship look, but has a very good reputation for the quality of care provided.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Another poster, Amygrace took her mom to her home while she moved furniture. It was unmitigated disaster, I seem to recall. First talk to her geriatric psychiatrist about possibly adjusting/upping her current meds to ease the move. Hire movers as noted above. Have you thought about hiring an ambulette to take her to the new place rather than you driving her?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I don't follow why you would have to bring her home in between ALs. Arrange for movers (or family). Take her out for lunch and then on to the new place. While you had a VERY slow lunch, others are setting up the new place. None of the AL rooms near me would take all that much to pack up.

Although you don't mention the reason for the move, on the day before you move her, visit and mention you found a great place --- close to you; or beautiful gardens; or nice people and great food, or whatever will appeal to her. Good luck
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Well, has her doctor had any input on this plan?

That does sound like your asking for a disaster taking her back home and then moving her to a new assisted living. That will be a real strain on her dementia.

Did she go to that ALF willingly or did you have to get guardianship to move her against her will?

Sorry that I'm not more help, but probably others will visit here and have much more to say that is helpful.

Take care and good luck!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.