We told my 89 year old MIL in the spring we were downsizing so we could afford to retire. She’s lived with us for over 10 years and is a MAJOR hoarder which created many problems. I looked into Assisted Living Facilities near us but she wanted to live closer to her sister - about an hour from us. While on an extrended visit with her sister we bought a much smaller home and put our house on the market. She kept telling us she was looking for a place but hadn’t found one. Bottom line she doesn’t want to part with her hoard and sell her house to use proceeds for AL. She tells us she is going to move back in her home which has been vacant for 10 years. It should be condemned due to years of neglect, hoard and rodents/bugs. She wouldn’t pay for repairs or let us get rid of hoard entire time she’s lived with us. I believe she’s trying to manipulate us into living with us on a permanent basis again by threatening to move into her old home. She’s told her extended family we kicked her out even though we said she could stay with us on a temporary basis while we find a safe place for her to live. Her mental and physical health aren’t bad enough for a nursing home but not good enough to live on her own. She hasn’t driven and we supported her for 10 years without any financial assistance from her. We don’t know what to do BUT she can’t live with us on a permanent basis. Anybody been in this situation?

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Do not let her move into Your New Home under any circumstances, or you will Never live alone with your husband Ever, which you so richly deserve now!

Help her to move into Assisted Living, then clear out her home and ready it for sale to pay for her AL. Her physical and mental needs are only to worsen at this point, and it will be much easier to transition her to higher levels of care outside your home, if she isn't living with you, and believe me, you do not want her living with you and messing up your dream retirement, so bite the bullet now, while You Guys are in transitioning into your New Home. It's more work right now, but worth it in the long run! Good Luck!
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Sounds like Mom has been running the show for quite a while. She tells you where she will live and when, even though her choice is unhealthy for her and could most likely be dangerous as well. You have made bargains and promises and if you don’t go along with what she wants, you’re bullied and vilified and she lies to everyone by telling them you’re throwing her out. If she keeps it up, perhaps tell her you can give credence to what she’s telling people and really throw her out to fend for herself. Then, when she returns to her garbage dump of a home, call APS. They’ll open a case on her for certain. You’ll have support and if she still won’t comply, let APS handle it.
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