I am recently retired (divorced) and my elderly 89-year-old father asked me to purchase his house. He doesn't want to live alone anymore (mother is deceased) and doesnt want to go to assisted/independent living. He also wants to maintain or increase his assets to give to his children upon death... very important to him. I cant afford the entire house so was thinking of purchasing half the house and then we would split the house expenses. I would live with him and help him out as needed, This would give him around 450k in cash to invest and also allow him to cut his house expenses in half. He has long-term care insurance so I could hire an aide if I need assistance, or if he becomes to much to handle I could move him to a nursing home. Since I am paying market value for 50 percent of the house I dont think it would impact his medicaid eligibility if he needs it in the future. Thoughts?
What do YOU want out of your post divorce life?
For me, the first couple of years after my divorce were about learning to be self sufficient and getting to know what I wanted out of life.
It sounds like dad doesn't have a lot of assets? Why is that? What do you know about his financial literacy and spending habits?
What is your relationship like with dad? Is he easy going? Or is he going to freak out when he doesn't know where you are after dark?
How will he feel about you bring people home? Will half the house REALLY be yours?
I do not know the implications of this arrangement should he need to go to a nursing home and you want to remain in the home , check with an eldercare lawyer who knows Medicaid on that . My guess is they may be able to put a lien on his half , so you could possibly end up selling anyway to pay the lien .
You do not mention if he would give you POA. If he does not and he refuses to hire aides ( for whatever reason ) you will be stuck doing all the care . Even with long term insurance your father may decide he does not want strangers in the house . It’s very common .
Without POA and With him still being an owner of the home, it would be very difficult to get him out of his own home should you want to place him in a nursing home and he refuses.
Bad idea . You could get stuck for many years isolated in a situation that is not the rosey easy plan you have laid out here .
Dad is selling you a bill of goods to stay out of a facility . And YOU are paying him $450,000 to take care of him ? That’s backwards . He should be paying you or GIVING you his house to take care of him . But even that you would need to check with a lawyer on for the Medicaid lookback aspect.
Do yourself a favor , get your own place . Dad should sell his house to pay for assisted living rather than put that burden on you . His money and assets should be used for his care. There is no such thing as inheritance until someone is dead ( if anything is left ) .
If leaving an inheritance is so important , your Dad could look into an irrevocable trust . But at his age it’s likely too late for that. There is a 5 year look back should he apply for Medicaid.
Couple other details.:
I am a divorced male and will have POA
My dad has a net worth of $2.1 million including the house, so he probably will never qualify or need Medicaid. I would also purchase house at fair market value to avoid the Medicaid look back period.
He is easy going but can be stubborn. We get along ok.
I also do not want to be a full-time caregiver, Just retired and want to do a little traveling while I still can. He claims he will use his LTC to hire assistance as needed....sounds like this may not be feasible.
I would live in a large private basement in an upscale neighborhood so privacy is not an issue. His house is much nicer than my townhouse.
I really think Assisted living is the best option as do my siblings. Hopefully I can persuade him to go this route.
When my parents were younger, I never would have guessed how self-centered they would become. And, even though they hated being caregivers for their own parents, that they would then turn around and expect it of me. Both of them, including dad's wife, think everything revolves around them, and they think that I OWE them.
I have benefited greatly from the advice given on this forum. These wise people who have been through some very hard times with their elders have gone through every possible scenario that one can imagine.
Please listen to them and DON'T go along with this insane plan of your dad's. Don't pay $450,000 to buy half of his house, and please don't move in with him or you will live in misery in that house for many years.
People live way too long these days. You could get into a caregiving role that will completely take over your own life. Don't let yourself be put into the role of a servant. It will only lead to resentment and heartbreak.
I ran into that when I was helping my parents who were your Dad's age. Due to the fact I was now a senior citizen myself, my parents still saw me as that 20 year old who could do anything. That elder-care journey with my parents was very stressful.
The local Area Agency on Aging may offer this, or you can arrange it through his doctor. Make sure that if he states he can do a task (cooking, dressing, meds) that he DEMONSTRATES the ability to actually perform the task.
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