It’s time for our mom to move in one of our homes. How disruptive would it be if she lived with one of us for 3 weeks and the other for 1 week a month?

Hi---Since there is a dementia involved, I have been told that change is NOT a good thing, and would most likely be confusing to you Mom---Having said this, As Crowemagnum also alluetd to..I would not do this. Stability- routine-is very important. For further info, contact your nearest chapter of the Alzheimer's Association---or call the helpline # (800)272-3900.
Best to you and your family,
Hap

LG:

Crowe made a great point. Lisa, imagine someone ping-ponging you from one home to another. Eventually you'd flip your lid, wouldn't you?

The Mayo Clinic recently published an article online titled "Alzheimer's: Smoothing the Transition on Moving Day." Read it for pointers. In this forum, moderators will modify any post considered advertising, so I won't give you the website. But you can look it up on Google or any other search engine. In fact, you'll get links to very useful information. As you embark on a long and stressful "career" as a caregiver, the most useful tool at your fingertips is the Internet. Make a habit of it, and while you're at it, take a little time to hobnob with us. We are also your family. Wish you the best.

-- ED

When my grandmother died, my grandfather was 79, and the four children decided to let him live three months with each of the four children. My mother, the only girl, lived in the same town as my grandfather and he really wanted to stay with her. But, my step-dad said no. So, for the rest of his life, 10 more years, he stayed three months with each of his kids. But he didn't have alzheimer's or dementia and it was still difficult for him to have to pack up and move so often. But, that's how they did it and it did work out pretty well for the children. Granddaddy was very amiable and layed back and did what everyone told him to do. Everyone said how easy he was to deal with. Oh, and when granddaddy stayed with my mother, he could go back to his old homeplace anytime and stay the day and tinker around and that made him so happy. But, at night, he'd want to come back to mother's to spend the night. But with someone with alzheimer's or dementia, it will be a challenge for them to move around and difficult on the children, too. Change is so hard on them and that in turn will make it more difficult for the children.

Whatever you decide, it isn't going to be easy at all. But, please call on your siblings or hire a sitter so you and your spouse can get away sometimes. I'm always amazed at how often I'm hearing that siblings don't want to help out. I have one that doesn't help us, either. So, get that help. Your life will depend on it.

God bless you in your decisions.

Well I won't lie, there are times I wish my Mom was in a nursing home, just to get my life back, but then she will tell me "thank you" she is my mother and I will keep her with me as long as possible. It's not always possible to keep them home, but if you can I would. Has taught me alot about patience, love and how to enjoy the little moments. Has also beed good for my sons, a little bit of reality in their video game world. Good luck

I also say its a big NO. My doctor told us that ONE FACE-ONE PLACE is best, moving around will confuse them terribly. How does your Mom feel about it because mine didnt even want to leave her own house, but finally had to. She in no way wanted to go from house to house and told us so. Your Mom might be okay now but it will certainly not last. If not a good idea, I wouldnt ever do it either, routine is very important because it makes a confused person feel safer. Anything you read will tell you the same I am sure because I researched it before I asked the hospital and doctor and they all told me the same, one face/one place is best.

it could be the best thing you could do for the caregivers, i wish i had someone to take my grandmother for one week a month, at this point i feel it would give me some freedom, and space for myself. if you start off like that she would get use to it, because she know no other way. being a caregiver for the last 5years. i think i would be a good thing. the best thing for the both of you.
What's a girl too do?

People such as your mom with Alzheimer's / Dementia do not fare well with constant change of location and surroundings which I think might speed up her decline. We have not heard how declined she is so that's a hard one to really asses. What do her doctors say? How come one of you is going to keep her only one week and the other three? That does not sound fair and balanced. What does she have to have to come home to be cared for. So many live with that assumption which is repeated here so often with unbelievable collateral damage and fallout. Like I read of someone today having to leave their husband and MIL in order to protect themselves and their children from their MIL's abuse that her husband would not stand up to and resolve for everyone's benefit and care.

Do you live close to each other? It is hard to make the decision and then how to handle it. I am the youngest of three and I never married so it seemed to me to be the best way to go. My siblings do not live in the same town as we do and so my mom only sees them when they have time for us. Your way may just work because she will know that she is loved.

Thanks to everyone who has responded. I'm saddened to hear how many families have siblings who aren't helping. My brother, sister and mother live 100 miles away in the same town. I go down every other weekend to help. She has care-givers coming in during the day but we need coverage when she sleeps. The options are 3 weeks/month with bro and 1 week/month me or a nursing home. I keep thinking the love but confusion she'll experience with her family is better than the stability she'll have in a nursing home but I'm not sure.

Keep her with family. I am sure that there are a few nursing homes that are good but family especially a loving caring family like yours is the best medicine for her. She will learn the routine and be exicited for each change. Giver her this time with you.