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My mom is 95, living in her own home, and has a aid during the week. I live in NJ, she in NY. Every other week I travel and stay the weekend with her. I have been doing this for 10 years. My hubby just found out his job ends in June. We will have to move. However, this does not change my visiting my mom every other weekend. The one time I told her I might move I was told " you are abandoning the family" which really translate I am abandoning her. Her words can cut like a knife. Any suggestions on telling her I will be moving?

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Hi msjpk1. I do not see the point in telling your mom and getting her upset. That is especially so if absolutely nothing would be changing when it comes to your weekend stays with her. I would make the move quietly. Keeps things just like you say they would be then in a couple of weeks or so after the move let her know that hubby started a new job and that you all are living in Timbuktu now. Maybe after she sees that nothing has changed, there would be no guilt trip or a less guilt trip from her and you will not feel so guilty.
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If you'll still be seeing her every other weekend there's no reason to tell her that you've moved.
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Drop it for now, and tell her after the move, so she knows and believes you are still in the picture.
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Somebody needs to know you have moved in case Mom has an emergency.
I think I would tell her on your last visit before the move. tell her you will see her in two weeks but on the first hubby starts a new job or is retiring and we will be living in-----------------. will call you as soon as we get there and my cell will be the same so you can call if you need anything.
You are going to get harassed whatever you do so leave the news till the last minute.
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So many people are telling me not to tell her. I just don't think that is right. She would be really pissed!!! She sends mail to me if there is a question on medical bills, etc. So I don't see not telling a option. I do agree to tell her at the last minute though!!!
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Delay telling her until you have moved, continue to visit and she sees there is no net difference for her.
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Why do her words cut like a knife? Are you abandoning her? No you are continuing the visits. Tell her you are moving, the reasons why, and when she brings up abandoning her jus tlaugh give her a kiss and say I would never do that, I love you.
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Then tell her you are moving, but not so far away that visiting her will not change. Give her your change of address and continue on with what you are doing. Then follow kathyt1 and her advice.
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