All I can share is that Frontal Lobe where Memory is works on all 8 cylinders when all 6 Senses are fulling functioning. Now you can lose sight and other senses accelerate to compensate for sight. But the one 'Sense' it can't do without is Hearing. That Memory Lobe has to have the input of hearing from noises close to you as well as all sounds around and out from you. Developing Dementia or Alzheimer's the #1 starting point is hearing loss. It triggers a lot. I found out that my Mom has had 70% hearing loss for 12 years now. Now once hearing is lost that portion of the memory lobe is lost which effects all the other parts. I got her new hearing aids, she was so amazed to find out she's been listening to the TV at a volume level of 70 and now she listens at 30. I'm not say for a second correcting the hearing loss is going to make all things so much better. There is no complete cure once Dementia sets in & more often than not develops into Alzheimer's. Having Mother hear properly most definitely made a difference but my doing all I can to stopping her daily stress level has worked the best. That stress that comes from her getting confused and frustrated from not being able to work the TV or remembering how to answer the phone or set the Washer controls or keeping track of monthly bills and paper work was my best option. I know correcting her hearing made a difference but like many of our parents they don't like not being in control of ALL OF THEIR LIVES. So Mom like so many will completely deny they have a problem. -------- If there was one thing I could suggest or recommend to anyone dealing with a parent who has any form of mental cognitive decline to help your own personal mental state is this. Grasp these few simple facts. YOU CAN NOT USE REASON AND LOGIC SPEAKING WITH THEM. Don't try. ---------That went out the cotton picking window long ago. Don't even think about it as it's just going to frustrate you. DO NOT argue with them. NO IF'S, AND'S OR BUTTS. Just don't do it. NEVER SAY ANYTHING THAT PUTS THEM ON DEFENCE -- YOU WILL LOSE. DO NOT GET UPSET IN FRONT OF THEM. Instant you do you have lost. Of all I need help with dealing with my Mother ----- I guarandamnteeyou, these things you can take to the bank.
Thanks for these thoughts. We chose independent living for them because they were in their own home and doing relatively well with lots of help from the 3 children who live 1-2 hours away. He still drives although we discourage it, and they were giving signs of not eating well and not being able to accomplish small tasks or small home maintenance/cleaning jobs without help. Also, entering at the independent level allows them to stay in this community even if they use up all their funds. Assisted living right now would be VERY confining. The complaints I am hearing are "I feel like I died but I'm not dead," "I have a perfectly good house. Why can't I live there?" "Nothing happens here, we just live in these 4 rooms like we're trapped," etc. No amount of discussion can remind her why this is a great option for them at their level of functioning. Dad is SLOWLY making some adjustments, but she just keeps singing the same song, "I don't like this." She does have trouble hearing people even with hearing aids, masks don't help, but she can't seem to call up the motivation to try something new or just watch people go by in the halls. The dementia is VERY early, but leaves her unable to concentrate on reading, knitting, house cleaning, decorating or other things that used to keep her busy. She is visited 2-4 times per week by family, church friends and we siblings who live out of town and have put together a schedule so that they get at least one sibling visit per week. Does she just need more time? I am getting close to telling her what I really think, but that will not be well-received. I love her and perhaps my frustration is borne of guilt that we pushed this decision over the line? I would like to make her happy, but maybe being safe and with Dad is enough.
Speaking of hiring a friend who can be there for you. That is something I've done which worked great in the past for my dad who got to a point where his balance issues made it so he couldn't prepare meals. I had an out of work male friend around my age stop by to make breakfast and help wake him up and take him to Dr. Appts. This friend suffers from depression and visiting my dad made him feel needed, and they would take drives around town and my dad would tell him about what the city looked like when he was younger.
originally he was going to do mornings and come back around dinnertime because I might work late, or just be tired, I knew one of us would be there, often it was the 3 of us eating together.
If both parents have dementia the best place would be Memory Care. If it is just mom that has dementia a move to Memory Care would be a good move. If mom and dad would be better together often a facility will allow a spouse to move in with the other in Memory Care but they can come and go as they wish. At the very least a move to Assisted Living would have been a better option but with the dementia MC is the safest place. MC would be a smaller area, fewer people and not as much noise and activity that can or may confuse someone.
Independent Living is the wrong environment for 91 y /o elders with dementia and hearing loss issues! There's too much independence there, leaving them too many decisions to make every day which is overwhelming. When you add hearing loss into the mix, your mother is extra disoriented b/c one of her senses is compromised, and if her eyesight is poor also, that's TWO senses compromised in addition to dementia which means her brain is also compromised.
IL vs AL: It's like going to Europe for the first time; if you go independently, it's mind boggling b/c you don't speak the language, you don't know how to get around, where the monuments are, which restaurants to choose, etc. Versus booking a tour to Europe where everything is taken care of for you; the sightseeing, the hotels, the restaurants, the transportation; your hand is held throughout the trip and that way, you feel comfortable visiting a new country and safe at the same time.
Your parents have been thrust into a new country on their own with nobody to lead them around to the various sites. With dementia at play, they're lost, most likely, floundering around not knowing WHAT to do or how to do it.
Assisted Living is like a group tour; everything is done FOR your parents and they can have their hand held throughout; they can be led to meals, activities, call for help with showers, dressing, medication management, and the mini bus can transport them around to appointments or shopping, etc. They're never but a cord pull or push button away from asking for help which is a built in safety feature for them to feel protected.
Those are my thoughts, after having my own parents in both IL and AL, and noting the vast differences between both. Elders reach a point in life where the LESS decisions they have to make, the better.
Your mom is failing to thrive in a new environment. It could be a variety of things that are holding her back and leaving her isolated. Some folks like the idea of living with other people the same age and appreciate the community lifestyle. But for others, it can be intimidating to get started. Most Independent Living communities offer an abundance of activities, social events, travel opportunities, and/or fine dining. Is there a social director that you could reach out to? Does mom make new friends easily? Are there classes or programs that she could participate in to introduce her to new neighbors? Is she left on her own while Dad pursues his own interests? If she won't go on her own, can you go with her to help get her started? Or perhaps hire someone to do so in your absence? Is dementia making her apathetic and withdrawn (that's natural and medication can sometimes help)? If so, her neurologist can prescribe a treatment plan to help her. Or perhaps it's time for assisted living? All the best to you as your family takes this journey together.
Can you be more specific? What's going on that makes you believe she isn't adjusting? How long have they been there?
Age in and of itself is not necessarily the issue but dementia and hearing loss sure can be. Hearing impairment will become more and more of a challenge as her care needs increase... there are hearing amplifier devices that cost a lot less than hearing aids (some worn around the neck) and are more easily adapted by the LO (or managed by their spouse). Maybe solve this problem first since your mom is only in early stage of dementia.
If she is having anxiety maybe talk to her doctor about meds? With dementia, patients are less and less able to bring themselves into a calm and peaceful state, and changes are more difficult for them to accept.
Developing Dementia or Alzheimer's the #1 starting point is hearing loss. It triggers a lot. I found out that my Mom has had 70% hearing loss for 12 years now. Now once hearing is lost that portion of the memory lobe is lost which effects all the other parts.
I got her new hearing aids, she was so amazed to find out she's been listening to the TV at a volume level of 70 and now she listens at 30.
I'm not say for a second correcting the hearing loss is going to make all things so much better. There is no complete cure once Dementia sets in & more often than not develops into Alzheimer's. Having Mother hear properly most definitely made a difference but my doing all I can to stopping her daily stress level has worked the best. That stress that comes from her getting confused and frustrated from not being able to work the TV or remembering how to answer the phone or set the Washer controls or keeping track of monthly bills and paper work was my best option. I know correcting her hearing made a difference but like many of our parents they don't like not being in control of ALL OF THEIR LIVES. So Mom like so many will completely deny they have a problem.
-------- If there was one thing I could suggest or recommend to anyone dealing with a parent who has any form of mental cognitive decline to help your own personal mental state is this.
Grasp these few simple facts.
YOU CAN NOT USE REASON AND LOGIC SPEAKING WITH THEM. Don't try.
---------That went out the cotton picking window long ago.
Don't even think about it as it's just going to frustrate you.
DO NOT argue with them. NO IF'S, AND'S OR BUTTS. Just don't do it.
NEVER SAY ANYTHING THAT PUTS THEM ON DEFENCE -- YOU WILL LOSE.
DO NOT GET UPSET IN FRONT OF THEM. Instant you do you have lost.
Of all I need help with dealing with my Mother -----
I guarandamnteeyou, these things you can take to the bank.
I had an out of work male friend around my age stop by to make breakfast and help wake him up and take him to Dr. Appts. This friend suffers from depression and visiting my dad made him feel needed, and they would take drives around town and my dad would tell him about what the city looked like when he was younger.
originally he was going to do mornings and come back around dinnertime because I might work late, or just be tired, I knew one of us would be there, often it was the 3 of us eating together.
If it is just mom that has dementia a move to Memory Care would be a good move. If mom and dad would be better together often a facility will allow a spouse to move in with the other in Memory Care but they can come and go as they wish.
At the very least a move to Assisted Living would have been a better option but with the dementia MC is the safest place.
MC would be a smaller area, fewer people and not as much noise and activity that can or may confuse someone.
IL vs AL: It's like going to Europe for the first time; if you go independently, it's mind boggling b/c you don't speak the language, you don't know how to get around, where the monuments are, which restaurants to choose, etc. Versus booking a tour to Europe where everything is taken care of for you; the sightseeing, the hotels, the restaurants, the transportation; your hand is held throughout the trip and that way, you feel comfortable visiting a new country and safe at the same time.
Your parents have been thrust into a new country on their own with nobody to lead them around to the various sites. With dementia at play, they're lost, most likely, floundering around not knowing WHAT to do or how to do it.
Assisted Living is like a group tour; everything is done FOR your parents and they can have their hand held throughout; they can be led to meals, activities, call for help with showers, dressing, medication management, and the mini bus can transport them around to appointments or shopping, etc. They're never but a cord pull or push button away from asking for help which is a built in safety feature for them to feel protected.
Those are my thoughts, after having my own parents in both IL and AL, and noting the vast differences between both. Elders reach a point in life where the LESS decisions they have to make, the better.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Age in and of itself is not necessarily the issue but dementia and hearing loss sure can be. Hearing impairment will become more and more of a challenge as her care needs increase... there are hearing amplifier devices that cost a lot less than hearing aids (some worn around the neck) and are more easily adapted by the LO (or managed by their spouse). Maybe solve this problem first since your mom is only in early stage of dementia.
If she is having anxiety maybe talk to her doctor about meds? With dementia, patients are less and less able to bring themselves into a calm and peaceful state, and changes are more difficult for them to accept.