In the past 14 months we moved my MIL from her home into Independent Living. It became apparent quickly that she was suffering from some pretty profound dementia. Her health is otherwise quite good for an 86-year-old. We live 7 hours away. My husband got her moved into AL about 3 weeks ago. Her anxiety changes with each passing minute. Her good friend will call or visit her. She will be freaking out. Saying she's "scared" but can't explain what she is scared of. Friend will then call my husband. He'll call his mom and then have to call the nurse to get someone to check on her. An aide will go to her room and she'll be ok. She doesn't seem to be able to figure out what or where her "call button" is. We've offered to move her here and she's always refused. Other family members have taken on no responsibility for her care so we can't rely on them. I'm wondering what we can do. My husband calls her nearly every day. She doesn't remember ever talking or even seeing him. Should we tell her friend to limit how often she visits or calls her? Should the friend let the nursing staff know she's agitated instead of immediately calling my husband? We both work and there is no way we can drop everything and go see her every time she wants us to. I used to work in a SNF and I know how much we communicated with families of patients, but I'm very new to this AL set-up. We haven't been on a vacation in over 3 years because all our free time has been spent dealing with her issues. My husband has her POA and between the phone calls and trying to address all her legal/financial issues he's ready to snap. I'll welcome any/all suggestions. Thanks for allowing me to rant.