Recently moved Mom in with a friend of her sisters but only allowed one visit per week. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Recently moved Mom in with a friend of her sisters but only allowed one visit per week. Any advice?

Follow
Share

Pay $ 2,800..cash monthly. When we visit her.. the caregiver never leaves her alone with us. last week i said, "im going to take her on the deck for we need to talk about some things. I noticed mom was making excuses for this..we need to talk about bills.she said..when told i was taking her outside she said I was going to take her out later.. i said im taking her out there now...she wants to come home..we said we would give this one month..but when we get her back inside, mom says. I want to stay another month..always talking about how good this woman is to her...when the caregiver is present. which is ALWAYS..shes only been in this private residence for two weeks..we was told one visit per week..tuesday...im used to seeing my mom 4 and 5 times a week...we call her all the time checking on her...just to talk and things..now noticing the cell phone is now being turned off very early in the evening...is this cause for concern or to I need to be looking into this more? and take my mom out of here? i know this woman is not registered to take care of the elderly. my aunt knows this woman well...just something doesnt feel right to me...please tell me is this normal feelings? thank you..concerned son.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
13

Answers

Show:
Yikes! - but take her where, Chicago? There's the rub, maybe.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you don't have her out of there by Easter, I would show up Easter morning and take her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

That point did cross my mind, too, Geo - that perhaps the friend/caregiver didn't want all and sundry constantly trooping through the house. But to exclude the son except for once weekly visits is taking that too far. Besides, this isn't an internal family arrangement: the landlady is accepting roughly market rent and should be treating the mother as a tenant, who can see whomever she pleases whenever she likes. It all sounds a bit ill thought-out to me.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Here's my own family situation, just to give an example of one of the possibilities for this situation:
My mother's aunt wanted to move-in with my mother. It would save her money over assisted living and my mother could have made a little money.

While my mother could have used the extra money and maybe the two of them would have been company for each other, my mother refused but would never tell her aunt why.

The real reason she refused is that my aunt has three children and several grandchildren and my mother was afraid they'd be dropping in all the time and calling, constantly. She didn't know how to address the issue, so she just decided not to consider letting her aunt move-in.

I'm not saying this situation is similar, just saying there could be all sorts of underlying reasons for what's going on. If the person your mom moved-in with is older and used to peace and quiet, it's possible that her and your mother are trying to accomplish that.

But, once again, hard to say without knowing the situation, better.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Is the one-visit-per-week for an adjustment period, or is that intended to be long-term? That is crazy. Discuss this with landlord or caregiver or whatever she is.

I agree with CountryMouse that more information would help us provide more specific responses.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Did you know you couldn't visit more than once per week before your Mom made this move?

As for the phone, who is turning it off, I wonder? If your Mom wanted peace and quiet in the evening, for example, turning the phone off is one way to get it. It's hard to say whether it's sinister or innocent.

If your Mom did say she wants to leave, is it something she came out with, herself, or did you ask her that? The reason I ask is that some folks do respond with a "yes" to everything they're asked because they don't have to make a decision - they can be agreeable with everyone. So, if she really did call you and say she wants to leave and has some good reason (not a whim based on the moment), then you should try to find other arrangements. Otherwise, tread carefully, I suppose.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Good point, FF - Rubystaralways, don't feel that you can't rock the boat if you feel the boat really needs rocking. This is your mother, you have every right to protect her best interests whether or not she is living with you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Something is definitely wrong here. I'd get your Mom out of there right now!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

rubystaralways, I checked your profile... one can be *caring* for a person without needing to be under the same roof. Example, I am caring for my parents even though they live elsewhere, I am doing the logistics of setting up appointments, groceries, making sure they are doing well.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

It's an old-fashioned exclamation, but - I've never heard the like!

So your mother's sister has come to a private arrangement with a friend of hers, the sister's that is, that the friend will provide your mother with room, board and care for $2,800 per month in the friend's private home, is that right? Does this friend have any other lodgers or family members living in her home?

Who thought this was a good idea? And what were they thinking?

Questions to clarify the picture:

How old is your mother?
Are you her only child, and the only relative closer to her than her sister?
What are your mother's care needs?
How did it come about that your aunt is making the arrangements for your mother's care?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions