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I am 64 and have lived on my own for the last 14 years. I am practically living in my bedroom, because every time I am with my mother, she picks a fight, them blames me because my dad gets very upset. Things are just terrible, everyone is depressed and I don't know what to do.

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I agree with everyone here. You will have more emotional and mental resources if you are not living with them while trying to help them. Narcissistic parents expect us to do things they themselves would never do and are masters are getting us to give up our lives for them. Move out and find counseling on how to interact and help without succumbing to a lifetime of training (brainwashing).

I have more patience and can better handle the emergencies that arise now that I no longer have my very selfish mother in my house. You have to take care of yourself because if you burn out, then there's no way you can help them. Help from a distance (like another house) is better than no help at all if you have a complete nervous breakdown.
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I'm SO glad I decided not to try to sell my place and move in with my mom. My sister and brother would not have minded but I felt it would be better to keep what I had. When sundowning, she frequently tries to throw me out of my own place. Now I just grin and walk away from her when she gets nasty, thanking God we're not in her house. Who needs it? Truly, my best recourse would have been to place her elsewhere a year ago, but in time, I know that will happen. At least I know I tried to do what was right for her. We do have good days together.
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I agree with all above. Move out and help them from the outside. Call your local Elder Affairs to find resources for your Dad and take your life back....
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I imagine you wanted - and still do want - to look after your parents and help them. What you've discovered is that living in their home is making things worse, not better, for all three of you; so I completely agree with Jeanne and Pam that you need to scarper back to your own place as soon as you can.

Importantly, THEN you will be able to help. When you're not spending every day deflecting your mother's anger and mopping up your father's distress, you will have a great deal more mental space and physical energy to devote to getting them practical support. But first of all, stop taking the bullets.

As an aside, your mother probably does feel genuine rage. No doubt because I'm not on the receiving end of it, I actually feel very sorry for her. She must be frightened, nothing she can do will snap your father out of his dementia and concentrate his mind on her again, the future must look very bleak to her… she has things to be angry about. None of them your fault, of course; but I think it helps sometimes to see the "why" of things.
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Move out asap. Going home again never works. Move!!
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Move out.

You intended the move, I'm assuming, to be helpful to your parents. But it doesn't sound like your presence is helping (and that is Not Your Fault). I am not suggesting abandoning them. Advocate for them. Help them get the help they need. Pick Dad up and take him on outings. Go to doctor appointments with him and understand what is going on with him. Just don't do these things living in a bedroom in their home.

Continue to love them, but detach from your mother's toxic environment.
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