My decision to live with my grown child has been tearing me apart. Her home is in Tx, mine was in Fl. I am unable to live in my home due to a probate issue, long story, though I do get some money for rent of it. Daughter got divorced 2 yrs ago. For the past 3 yrs I have been going back and forth. My daughter and I don't always get along. She has said some really mean, and hurtful things to me in the past, which alcohol was involved on her part.
She has a boyfriend now (he lives 2 doors down), and has her own business and makes a very good living. She has a life. I don't have friends, I feel like I don't have a life in Tx. It has always been very hard for me to say no to my daughter, out of guild for being a single parent, but I am trying to change that about myself. My daughter does pay someone as a personal assistance/ sitter. I am 60 and started getting survivors SS since last Oct. I don't pay rent, but I do pay for things I want, and food. I don't cook per say, picky eaters here. I take complete care of my dog and their dog, laundry, grocery shopping, keep house clean, run errands, have a part time job 2 days a week, and play with granddaughter. My daughter works long hours and pays an Assistance/Sitter $1400.00 a month to basically pick up granddaughter from school/daycare, cook dinner( she can't cook either),give bath and put to bed each night, plus clean house every other week. I was cleaning behind her, and cooking just for granddaughter, but stopped doing that.
I feel that my daughter is disrespectful and demanding of me. Examples: Daughter was up stairs, I was curling my hair, she yells for me to come up stairs, I didn't answer, then she yells at the top of lungs "NOW". I come from my bathroom and yell at her not to speak to me that way. My granddaughter and a friend of my daughters saw the whole thing. Even one of my daughters friends made a comment to me once that they thought she treated me bad, and demands to much of me. She is always wanting me to bring something up stairs to her. There is always a "To do list" per say for me. Now I am seeing that my granddaughter is treating me the same way.
My issue is leaving my daughter and granddaughter for me to feel independent, have my own space and time to do things I want or need for me (freedom). I lived in an emotional abusive marriage for 24 yrs, which he killed himself in 2013, hence me moving back and forth. I want to move back to Fl, again, where I grew up, but with intentions to buy me a place, work and be with old friends and other family members. This time I will be taking all of my belongings that have been here for the past 3 yrs. I will continue to come and visit but only stay 2 weeks instead of 2 or 3 months. My daughter keeps telling me that I need to stay for my granddaughter and that she is going to take it pretty hard. I have told my daughter that I have always come and gone my granddaughters life and that she will be fine. Anyways, yes I feel guilty, I don't want my daughter to be hurt. I know that life is so much easier for her when I'm around, and trust me more than anyone with my granddaughter. My brother and sister don't want to hear about this any more and I understand so I don't talk about it to them., and I'm ok with that, But my heart is being torn apart. Am I being selfish by not wanting to live with my daughter and adhering to her every beck and call demands.? I don't feel that moving and hour or 2 hours away would do any good. I might end up being completely alone in a place I know nothing about. What do I do?