Follow
Share

Has anyone on board had to make the decision to stay in your existing home or move to another home? My husband has Parkinson disease and dementia and other health issues. We both are 65 years old. We live in a 2 story home where all of the bedrooms are on the second floor. With his health, I feel eventually we both need to have our bedrooms on the 1st floor. He wanders at night getting up several times at night going to the bathroom. We have been comparing the cost of adding a bedroom on the 1st floor, but, it is costly. The value of the homes in my neighborhood is down due to the original owners moving out and renting out their homes, short sales of homes, foreclosure, therefore, they are not up keeping their homes. When I look at the cost of the addition, which will make the value of my home more than what the houses are selling for in my subdivision. I looking around at different houses and the thought of moving makes me uncomfortable too, to start all over again. We have been in our home for 20 years. I just wanted to see if anyone out there had to make the decision to stay in their home or move. If so, how did they decide what to do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Send: Oh, God bless you! Thank you, too! It would be a travesty to be out of chocolate!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you, Llamalover! Today was a good day, just returned from a nightime
walk! And the Lord bless you too!

9:50 p.m. Sat. We are out of chocolate.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

That's right, Send. God bless!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yeah, and we all have a mutual admiration society going on here too!
I love you all, so not much else to do tonight but pray!
Thanks everyone. Have a safe night.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Statewise: Send offered you some good ideas, too.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Statewise: You're welcome. Glad to help. Yes, prayer is beneficial.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Send: Most elders prefer to "live (or your word, shelter) in place." There comes a time, of course, when that is not possible.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I look after my Mum and she is 93 with dementia and a lot of other stuff going on in what used to be a very very sharp brain. Like you a house over 2 floors which was not suitable we now have a 2 bedroom apartment - everything is on the ground floor and there is a garden with a patio. We have had some adjustments made - a brand new shower with solid horseshoe shaped seat - with arms. It has half doors too so I can shower Mum without getting in the shower with her. the horseshoe seat allows me to wash her undercarriage easily and I can dry it and cream it while she is in situ as it were.

I dont regret the move one iota - it has made my life a lot simpler. The apartment is warm cosy and large enough. I don't have a garden to do.... that is done for us. I have a simple clean easy to manage space...AND MUM of course!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Send, good comments and insight. Whether to stay or move is a very difficult, very personal decision, involving factors well beyond the financial and house configuration issues. It's disruptive, requires adaptation to a new neighborhood and new people, and can easily require expenditure of funds that could be used to accommodate the existing house.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Llamalover, my husband and I call living in place "Sheltering in place", which is our emergency plan. Statewise could do this without an expensive rennovation, just minor changes such as utilizing a downstairs space for her husband's comfort. There will come a time when spouses cannot sleep due to restless leg and middle of the night awakenings, leg cramps etc.
Ideally, planning a move while one is able would be good, but staying put has it's benefits.
Even though I am for moving to accommodate any decline in abilities to keep your home up, this staying where you are is doable if one can afford help.

I have also seen and read where one spouse refuses to have help come into the home, (often a cognitive decline), putting the other spouse at risk, ending with their children intervening and the spouses separating. Things can go south abruptly, and while we should not live in fear and negativity, planning ahead can be a good thing!
Makes me think, really hard.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Thanks, again for all the wonderful stories on the message board. All of you are my Angels and May God continue to Bless all of you. Lets continue to pray for each other.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

One reason for SIMPLE is for my girls. I don't want them, in their 50s, to have to go thru what I am. Everything has been left up to me out of 3 children. Taking care of Mom, dealing with all that goes with it and trying to sell an old house in a bad economy. It becomes overwhelming at times. TG I have my husband because I couldn't do it on my own.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

A few years back DH and I cleaned out the attic in my Moms 100+ yr old farm house. Recently, cleaning out the rest of a four bedroom house. I started looking at my house and what did I need to get rid of. Over the last few years, a lot. It gets given away or donated. I regret having collections. At 66 I want to deal with less and less. I want SIMPLE. The less bills the better.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My husband and I are also in our mid 60's and he has Parkinson's. We built our dream home 20 years ago and it was a single story home on an acre of woods that we planned on ageing out in. Then came the Parkinson's and we suddenly realized the upkeep would be way more than I could handle. All our friends said we were "too young" to move into a Retirement Community but we went ahead with our plans and have never looked back. Moving was awful and not something I would have wanted to do on my own after he could no longer help but getting down to just the things we enjoy and use now was very freeing. We have been here less than a year but are finding we do more social things and are more involved in our community than we were before. Love that if ANYTHING goes amiss at our place I just make a phone call and it is taken care of ( faster than my husband used to get to stuff!) Search the Senior Communities in your area until you find the right fit for you. We found one that had detached cottages with single car garages and a fenced postage sized back yard for our dog. We are loving the new care free time we have to spend together just as we please. And if his care gets to the point we need to then there is an assisted living here and a memory care center across the street.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I'm sort of where ur. I live in 4 level split level. My Mom has a room (old family room) on the lowest floor. I have to gate her in so she won't try to get up the six steps to the main level. Two more flights after that. She has her own bathroom. I so wish we bought a rancher with a master bedroom with bath years ago. Mom could have the master and be gated in so she didn't wander at night. We could not get for our house what we need for another one. Being retired we don't want a mortgage. Can u see and get an apartment?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

"Living in Place" is your best option by modifying your home to meet your husband's needs.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I suggest to everyone I meet when talking about moving....
If you move to a home no matter the age you are just make sure there is a bathroom with a shower on the lower level. Anything can happen to anyone at anytime.
I would suggest moving if possible to an assisted living facility. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Ferris, good ideas but I have found in my area [northern Virginia] just finding estate sale people to even come out to preview the furnishings is next to impossible. It seems unless one has a mega high end furnishings or a whole house full of valuable antiques, no one is interested. Decades ago I use to love going to those estate sales and finding treasurers :)

For my parent's home, I've been tossing out anything that has a cord on it as I have no idea if it works correctly or not. Dad kept every nut, screw, bolt for the past 70+ years. The workshop has been daunting. I just tossed out lot of Mom's dishes that were faded or had chips as no one would want those, not even good enough to donate.

I probably will call Goodwill or whatever group that will bring a truck and take away the furniture and other large items. For the handful of nice antique furniture I will try posting them on our "neighborhood" website and see if there are any takers.

Kids today don't want antiques or second hand items. They tend to keep their "memories" on their cellphone where we kept Grandma's old curved glass china cabinet proudly displayed in the living room.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

At almost the same age, that thought crossed my mind. Do what other seniors in my senior retirement do. Rent a home, an apt. or any other single level home. Yes, moving is daunting, however, you have to consider his Parkinson's will only progress with motor functions diminishing. There are people who can organize a sale of your home contents, and believe me, there are plenty of people who will come to your sale! Everyone loves a bargain. Time to down size, more on to another chapter in your life, and let go of your house. You will be so much happier. (We had a two storey as well, and moved to HI selling most of our contents, fitting everything into five suitcases. Then sold everything in HI to move back to the mainland). Don't hang on to old things and old structures. Begin a new adventure!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Statewise, I'm late to your question and am glad to see you've gotten such good answers and are planning to move. From what I've seen of my parents lives, it's wise to move. They were in a neighborhood that was in decline, leaving it was a decision that proved over time to have been such a blessing. Then going to a small, less maintenance home was another good thing. My dad is still in it. And my husband and I are planning to sell our home in the next year or so and go with less. I'm making regular trips to Goodwill donation center, with both things from my dad's home and ours, trying to pare down the "stuff" and I can't tell you how good it feels! Blessings to you as you make these changes, I know you'll be glad when it's done!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thanks everyone for your response. I feel motivated now to make the decision to just move. I feel that is the best way to go in our situation. By moving it will be a good beginner for me and my husband. You all keep us in your prayers. God Bless.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Statewise, I want to book from my own single family house. What a difference from just a few years ago when I was your age to now where I will 70 years old. Now the stairs look steeper.... the house feels bigger, too much to clean... and I swear, the yard has doubled in size :P

My background is real estate, and when you mentioned that your neighborhood isn't being kept up as nicely as it use to be, time to put that For Sale sign in your yard. You are correct your house would be one of the most expensive if you add an addition. And the issues with trying to add an addition, first having to deal with zoning, and once you get approval, finding a contractor who will finish the job within 6 months.

Start downsizing right now in your home, get rid of paperwork you no longer need. It amazing how much paper we keep. I tell you, it feels so good to tear up or shred documents :) Find things to donate, or to give to family. That will make packing to a new home much easier.

Look for 55+ community that also offers Assisted Living or continuing care [there are about 15 such places in and around Richmond]. That way you can actually age in place, make new friends who are from your own generation... and when the time comes for hubby to move to continuing care, you can be in the same community which makes visiting him easier, and you'll have friends to rally around you :)
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

the inner city homes fell down from neglect .
gwb financed that population into the suburbs with no money down loans ,
loans went unpaid , banks crashed , the lower middle , and middle class took the hit .
i personally dont care . it just made my property taxes go down .
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I would not sink more money into a house in a neighborhood that is going downhill. I'd get out ASAP and put that money towards a continuing care place, like Windy Ridge has suggested. One with independent living, assisted living and skilled nursing all in the same facility. Do it while you're both young enough and in good enough health to acclimate and get settled in before things get too far along with your husband's Parkinsons.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

We moved. From a 3 bedroom center entrance colonial to a 2 bedroom ranch with first floor laundry. Wish I had done it sooner.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I agree with Wibdyridge.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

At your young retirement ages, it may be time to move to a luxurious senior condo or apt. in a community that has at least some services, such as transportation and community congegate meals.
I have read it is unwise to invest more into your home than the neighborhood calls for because one cannot recoop the investment.
Health conditions and finances should be a priority.
With parkinsons, one never can plan too far ahead for the in-home help you may need-and the finances to do this.
It may not be too early to enter assisted living together, what do you think? A cottage on the premises of AL could be nice for a couple instead of a one room set-up.
Happy new homing to you and hubby!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Given your husbands health and dementia issues I'm guessing y'all are going to need some help in the near future. You may want to consider a progressive housing plan. Independent living to assited living to nursing care. Your husbands care is going too become increasingly difficult. At your age it may not be wise to be thinking about careing for a house, yard, etc.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

Thanks for all the good comments. I will have to make a decision sooner than later.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have some friends who are in your situation. They are wondering if they should keep what they have or place the house on the market. You might check with someone in real estate to see what you might get for your home as it is now. Waiting could decrease the value, but, if it's where you want to stay, then I would.

I can't see starting a project like adding on a room. You may not recover your investment.

Would you have a way to convert a space on your first floor to a bedroom without construction, for example turn your den or dining area into a bedroom by just moving the furniture around? I don't know if that would be feasible, but it might work on a temporary basis until you see how your husband's health is going to go. Years ago, we set up a bed in our living room for my grandmother for a while. We just switched to using our den as our living room. It worked out fine on a temporary basis.

Would you live there by yourself if your husband required long term care or rehab? If so, then I might see about staying on the first floor and avoiding a move, but if you and your husband will likely stay together, regardless of his health, then I might look into an Independent Living apt with an Assisted Living attached. So, you'd have support if you needed it close by. It makes more sense to me than a detached house that has so much upkeep.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter