Never saw this coming. She has been there 9 yrs. What do I tell her is happening??? Covid will not allow me to spend a lot of time during this transition.

Does the Assisted Living Facility where she is currently have a Memory Care wing? (or floor)
If so the move might be easier for all. Moving from one room to another can be handled by telling her that her current room needs some repairs.
This would also work moving her to a different facility. If you take her out for a drive and bring her to the new facility. If you can get her room set up pretty much like the other one it might not be as confusing.
A few suggestions that might help (particularly if she is mobile)
If previous room was on the right side of the hall, it might help if the new one is the same. (if one is used to making a right turn to enter their room they may continue to do so) If it was 4 doors down from the nurses station, it might help if the new one is as well. I know a lot of these things are out of your control but it is just a thought.
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Reply to Grandma1954

The doctor says...(fill in the bank). When you get better, you can come back.
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Reply to MACinCT

My Mom was in the final stages when we moved her to LTC from an AL. We told her she was moving to a new apt and would be making new friends. She excepted that and transitioned well. Do not be surprised though if she declines even more. Changes will probably effect her. That is not your fault, none of this is your fault. It is just what it is. She is 96, God bless her. She has lived a long life.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Sadly, it is true that different facilities have certain levels of care they can handle and when it becomes a higher level above that which they are able to give, then, yes it requires her being moved. No doubt this is an upsetting event for you both. Keep the explanation simple. Let her set the pace on that. If she has mental issues especially, keep it very very simple and answer questions from her as they come. If it were me, I would say something like, Mom, the doctors say you need more care than this place can provide so that is why you are being moved (wherever). And then answer any questions and offer emotional support.
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Reply to eeyore12

Because your mom has dementia(as stated in your profile)she may not even realize or recognize the change, and you may just be worrying for nothing. And if she does realize it, just keep your explanation simple like eeyore12 recommended. She will most likely adjust must quicker than you do. Wishing you the best.
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Reply to funkygrandma59

Stay calm as you talk to her. She may not even really pick up that she has been moved to a different room.

Sadly, this is a big step down in the aging process. I'm sorry.
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Reply to Midkid58

Keep it as simple as possible, even if you have to make up a reason for moving (as others suggested, repairs, etc.) If you can have her new room set up as similar as possible to her current room, you may not even have to say anything about the move. Take her for a drive, have new facility set up a meal for you both (if possible) and then go to her new room. She may not even notice. If she does, answer any questions she has as simply as possible. The old place is closing, needs repairs, etc often work. Reassure her that you will still be there for her (when you can of course!)

Mom was beyond regular AL by the time we needed to move her to a safer place (she lived alone in a condo.) I only recently found out I won't have to move her to NH as she gets worse! Thankful for that! We're finishing up year 4, she had a stroke early Oct and is now on hospice (she also has issues with swallowing, due to the stroke, along with right side weakness.)

Hope her transition goes well, for both of you!
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Reply to disgustedtoo

You do what you have to do. I don’t think you have a choice.

It is terribly sad that she has to move. Simply state that she is moving. I don’t think I would even go into a lengthy discussion.

Let her lead. If she needs to ask questions then answer. Also ask her staff to notify you of any concerns that she has.

Have faith that the staff will help prepare her for transitioning into a new facility.

Others with more experience in this area will give feedback.

Best wishes to you and your mom.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

If she has dementia, it won't work to try to prepare her in advance. Just make the move as quick and smooth as possible. As suggested below, you can tell her she has to move to a place that can give her more care. Everything is more difficult during the pandemic, and it's sad that you won't be able to spend a lot of time with her right after the move to help her settle in. All moves are difficult for older people, and the adjustment may also take some time. My mother (97 years old) has been on soft foods for more than a year. She can no longer feed herself, and has to be fed. She is on hospice-type care at her facility, with the goal of making her comfortable, and no hospitalization. Your mother's medical directives (living will) should provide guidance on whether she would want to be fed intravenously if she can no longer eat regular food. Many people would not want that. Her new facility would want to have a copy of her living will.
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Reply to NYCdaughter

swallowing test was done when she had a stroke. This was to determine what she can swallow. She is now on blended foods. and sometimes it can be too runny, she may choke on that too. thickening agent is used to thicken water.

It is ashame that the facility she is used to, doesn't understand the swallowing issues, or they just do not want to have to deal with an "accident" should she ever swallow wrong in their care.

She is 96 years old, the old place does not want a risk issue.
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Reply to MAYDAY
sunshinelife Dec 1, 2020
Warm sage tea is very helpful for paresis (partial paralysis) of the throat nerves and muscles. A pleasant gentle tea. You can buy a fresh sage at Trader Joes..or dried tea bags on amazon.
You can also wrap a clean cotton piece of fabric (length to go around the neck) dipped in the warm tea & wrung out around the throat and a dry towel over the top until the sage cloth cools (15 to 20mins).
There are medical studies that also have proven excellent results for those suffering dementia/mental decline with the regular administration of sage.
The body is more resilient that many realize (even the body of the elderly)
Sage is harmless, no side effects. And if drunk daily, and applied as suggested will bring improvements.
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