Move Mom from assisted living or not? - AgingCare.com

Move Mom from assisted living or not?

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My mother is in a assisted living facility in my state, my husband and I want to move to a warmer climate which means two states away. He is 65 and says he doesn`t know how long he will live, men don`t live long in his family. I don`t want to move her, she seems to be settled but does change from time to time, hard to figure her out! She has early dementia, depression, cognitive impairment but mainly I don`t want to move her, there would be alot of hassle from siblings, I can`t deal with that. I want to move also, I feel like I`m in the middle of a tug of war. What do I do?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Move and see what happens. If siblings step up, you are all set. If Mom complains and no one is helping her than move her closer. She can live a long time. Don't put your life on hold. Do you really want to move if Mom wasn't in the picture?
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In reading your profile, I can see why you're conflicted. It sounds like your other four siblings are still around, they just don't want to help care for mom, is that right? And she's 83, so she's getting up there.

I think I'd move and try to keep tabs on your mom and ask your other siblings to step up to help. Worst case is you could still move your mom closer to where you are if you find it's unworkable to be so far from her. I agree with Emjo, your needs and those of your husband's come before mom's needs. You've been good to do as much as you have already. Don't short your own happiness because of guilt over mom. She has four other children to help her out. You are not alone.
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Your husband's and your needs come before your mother's. I would not consider not moving with him. How urgent is it for him to move to a warmer climate? Can you mothers needs not still be looked after where she is? I am not clear what your problem with moving away from mum is? Is it that she doesn't have long and you want time with her? Seems the same could apply to your husband. Is it that you are POA and the only child who really looks out for her?

Honestly, no matter what, I would not move her. If you have POA medical and financial that is workable from a distance. I manage my mothers affairs at a distance - 5 hrs. drive in my case - and some others here are at a bigger distance. Not all people, even care givers, live close to their parents. Are your sibs helpful? Could you budget, for example, 4 trips a year to see her? A little more information would help.
Take care
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Moving your mom should be a last, desperate option. The moving in and of itself would be very difficult on her AND you but you'd take her somewhere where she's not familiar with routines and people. It would be too hard on her and then you'd be stuck.
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How often do you visit her now? How often do the siblings visit? Moving mom is complicated. Particularly if she in on Medicare as that is state run. Also, since she is settled in, moving her to unfamiliar surroundings can cause all types of issues. How old is mom? Frankly, I would be willing to put my own moving plans aside for a while. At worst, I would consider leaving her in the environment she is accustomed to.
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