We live in New York and my Mom is on LI and I live in CNY 300 miles away. Her dementia has gotten pretty bad and she has always hated where she is. Now she has become abusive to the aides. They pretty much do the basics and stay away from her. I used to travel to see her and bring her here for visits. But because of my own health that isn't possible anymore. I have a brother 15 minutes from her but he only sees her on holidays. Takes her out for 3 or 4 hours and brings her back. He wont even go into the NH. In August I sent my 21 yr old daughter to bring her here. She said my mom's room was disgusting and my Mom was a mess. She was dressed for winter and her clothes were filthy. Her nails were broken and dirty. Her hair hadn't been cut in months and had knots in the back. None of that compared to her mental state. She was incontinent, couldn't dress or wash herself, didn't recognize any of us and just sat there. With a walker she was barely shuffling and almost fell numerous times .My husband took her back the next week and her room was filthy. Her draws had dirty clothes and other peoples clothes in them. Long story short or shorter I should say. The NH filed chapter 11 three yrs. ago. Then they fired almost everyone. Now it's a whole new ballgame. The nursing staff is never constant and when I can get in touch they say she's fine or the same. The social worker NEVER returns my calls. When I ask to speak to a supervisor no one is ever there. Example after finally getting to the social worker I asked for a nuero consult. He took her off all her pysch meds. she's been on for 20 years. That weekend I get a call at 7pm on Sat. The nurse in charge wanted me to know that my mother was acting eradictly. When I asked her if she knew about the meds. she was clueless. Then when I called back on Monday the nurse on staff said they don't look at the charts. I could go on but needless to say I still haven't gotten any results on my mom's so called eval. Last weekend my aunt & uncle went to see her. They live 2hrs. from her never drive there but she's not answering her phone anymore so they went. They won't be going back again. She was dirty, her room was filthy and when my aunt tried to clean up and put her clothes away the aide told her they weren't her clothes. She's been going around in her wheel chair stealing other patients things. Her glasses were twisted and broken and barely able to sit on her face and when my aunt asked about them they aide shrugged and said she sleeps with them on. That my mother is nasty to them so they let do her own thing. In what world do these people live in? I have volunteered my whole life, taken care of hospice, elderly & mentally ill people. I couldn't live with myself no matter how nasty the person was. I have an Aunt who was a nurse in a nursing home for yrs. on LI and now lives in Fl. She says my mom is being abused but being so far away I can't control it. My brother won't do a thing to help. If I could take care of her I would, but I can't. She has no poa as my brother never filled out the paperwork. Which I just found out, I am her hcp. I'm sorry for the rant... but at this point I'm beside myself... How can I get her out of there & closer to me?