As I feared one must move Mom closer to me or my sister. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

As I feared one must move Mom closer to me or my sister. Any advice?

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Mom lives in Ky. I live in Pa. And brother and sister in Ca. Mom is 81, currently in the hospital. Now this is a crises move. I have steps, my sister does not. Mom lives in a senior apartment. Please help me think what are our options. My sister retired, but has a new business and works from home. I'm self-employed and work from home. My only concern is the steps which she crawled up the last time she visited. Both of us would take her until she can get a senior apt.

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Yes, have you considered hiring a caregiver? Sounds like mom needs some help but it's more than you or your sister are able to do. And that is OK, no guilt here. But you have to look at what's needed now and the very best thing you can do for her is to let her live at home and move someone in to take care of her. I've just been through about a 5 year ordeal with my mom who had Alzheimer's. She passed away last Sunday. I looked at the Assisted Living homes and what was available for Alzheimer's residents and I couldn't place my mom in any one of them. She got the very best care at her home with the help of Hospice and an angel of a caregiver who did not have the experience but her heart is gold and she's a natural at this kind of work. Anyhow, the decision to have a 24/7 caregiver supplemented by Hospice gave me my life back. Getting to that point however was incredibly stressful and very hard. But at least in our case, mom and I dealt with this monster of a disease from our own home where we were safe and familiar. We didn't have to drive anywhere, or make endless phone calls or suffer from feeling left out to dry and all alone. It is really the best care if you get the right people.
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bigsispit, curious how you plan to get your Mother from the east coast to the west coast? And then back again? I see on your profile that mobility is an issue for your Mom, that is why I am asking.

If it were me, I would see if Mom could return to her apartment and hire a caregiver for the short term, until a senior apartment opens up in your area.
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If the move HAS to be made, make every effort to do it only once. Can a living situation be found in California? Or a temporary situation until something is available in Philly?
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Thanks for your answers. Since she was hospitalized on Sunday, she has refused to eat and imagine my shock when she didn't initially recognized me. Doctors said this is common in elderly patients with pains meds and unfamiliar surroundings. Right now she wouldn't be able to make a decision about anything. There is no POA and doctors said since I am the oldest they would ask me about any medical procedures needed. She can't live alone again. We're thinking if she gets well enough she can stay with my sister in San Diego until we can find her an apartment in Philadelphia. Family and friends have volunteered to help close her apartment. We're in Limbo Land. I hope see comes out of this "fog" in a few days so we can discuss this. But she can't continue living 2000 miles away.
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Who has Mom's POA? Is she competent? What is the emergency? Will she even want to move? Perhaps the community she has been living in can help her locate a new place to live there if she cannot return to her apartment. Until the emergency everything was working ok? Is there really a need to move her? If her health is not so good, will doctors even agree to a move? A move like that would be very hard on her.
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How long has Mom lived in Kentucky? Does she want to move away from a community that she has know for some time, leave behind her friends, etc.?

My gosh if your Mom had to crawl up the steps to your home, would she want to do that on a regular basis? Can she walk down the steps or would she need to scoot?

Whenever an elder moves in one's home, the home has to be elder proof and elder comfortable. How mobile is your Mom other than the steps?
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