My siblings feel if we move Mom it may be too traumatic for her and she may die. What am I to do? - AgingCare.com

My siblings feel if we move Mom it may be too traumatic for her and she may die. What am I to do?

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Mom (92) has dementia, very cantankerous, has a drinking problem, lives in a bad neighborhood, doesn't want to move. She doesn't want to bathe unless shes going somewhere. Thinks I am taking her money, just is very difficult to deal with. I am her legal guardian and conservator. My nephew lives in the home with her and cleans and makes sure she takes her meds. She is very forgetful and repeats herself constantly. She thinks she can live alone. I do all of her bills, shopping, get her home repairs with her money and keeps track of it. I have 3 other siblings that basically does nothing to help. They may go to visit 1 per month. I go every 2 to 3 days. I was robbed at gunpoint in front of her home about 7 years ago and am terrified about going to take groceries, etc to her. Her home is paid for and she doesn't want to go into assisted living. She really only has around $1700 per month for housing, not enough. My siblings say just leave her alone and let her live her life out there but they are not the ones going by to see her often.

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Mom gives my nephew a very hard time. He is very tired. Unfortunately he doesn't have anyplace else to go and has been living in her home since he was 2 years old. He goes to the store for her beer, candy and junk food. She treatened to put in out of the home if he doesn't get it for her. It's just a bad situation. He is 49 years old. I don't know what I would do without him. It is not fair to him to have to deal with everything while I just go back to take her food, groceries, take her to doc appts, etc. but I am married and work full time so I can't just move in with her. It is very stressful. She doesn't even remember she's had a beer from one day to the next. She knows who we all are but if you tell her something, 2 mins later she doesn't remember you've told her.
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How is the nephew holding up? Is his care adequate? Your mom has dementia and you will not be able to reason with her. Use this site to learn about dementia. Sooner or later mom will need to be in a care facility, possibly against her wishes. You need to look into issues such as power of attorney and guardianship, which are also explained very well on this site. I just reviewed your post and see that you are her guardian. That's a great start. You can make decisions in her best interest despite her dementia and the options of your relatives.
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