Ok. So, I've been reading and reading and reading. I feel like a yo yo in my mind. Yes, we can do this, all of us move. Sell our house and be down there with dad. (which we would benefit greatly from because we are struggling to keep cars running and just live. Dad said we could live there rent free and he'd buy everything. I think he meant food with that comment. Of course, I'd take him up on that deal because I'd be working all day for him cooking, cleaning and stuff around the yard.)
Then I read something that scares me and I'm back to no, I don't want to do it.
Question: I read if you move in with parent and then later move out that it could be construed as "elder abuse". Under what circumstances would that be true. IF we moved in with dad and it was just fighting all the time and we (my husband, I and 17 yr old son) moved out BUT found care for dad, that couldn't be construed as abuse could it? One more consideration for us is this. Don't know if you remember but my SIL was living with dad but we caught her on camera getting into his wallet after he had gone to bed. Well, she and her sisters started telling people (neighbors and niece) that I was going to move in and "throw him into an old folks home and take over and sell everything". (the rich neighbor wanted to buy dad's Kabota tractor) Also, they (the SIL and her sisters) were saying that "I was going to change dad's will and cut them (my 2 nieces and 1 nephew) out of the will and they would get nothing". (Yes, my dad is leaving 1/2 of his estate to these kids who would not turn a tap to help him; they are the takers. I don't have siblings, they both died, but I do have these taker kids). So, knowing THAT what would you do? My dad does not have an abusive personality, even when drinking. He does get upset with me when I try to reason with him about doing things MY way. Which he still wants to be in control. I get that and that is something that I have to learn to handle better. But, I don't want to move in and be accused of elder abuse just because my ex SIL has an ax to grind with me. (even though she is guilty). I did not turn her in to APS because although we know what we saw it isn't not clear as a bell in quality. But she did admit she was getting my dads "keys" at 10:45 pm. Which if she did get his keys she certainly didn't go open anything or start any cars. And she moved just 2 doors up the street. Just peachy. She still has contact with dad, in fact, he goes to her place (she lives with another elderly couple) and visits with her I think because he is lonely. Drives me insane that he has anything to do with her because she borrowed $200 from him and has never repaid it.