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My mother will be 93 years old January 6th. She is in a home now. When I visit, or actually when anyone visits her she always appears to be so confused, and can't remember a thing, for example: She goes to lunch every day a noon till 1:00. Her husband called her at 1:10 and asked her what she had for lunch. She couldn't remember; he then asked her if she even went to lunch......she couldn't remember. He then asked her what her name was and she didn't know. For her age her physical health is OK, but the mental health is failing rapidly. My question for you is this: Because of her mental condition, what do you think her future holds for her???? Meaning will she get to the point that she doesn't know me or her husband? Also, when someone of that age is in reasonably fair physical condition, then what actually is it that will kill them??? I don't mean to sound cruel here, but I've been wondering this.

I'm the original poster. I actually don't quiz her at all; in fact, we barley talk as she doesn't seem to understand anything I have to say so I've quit communicating with her as far as me starting any kind of conversation. I will answer any questions she may have which are very few, but that is about it. It is my step-father who asks her lots of questions. As far as having her tested for dementia.....that will not happen because I have no control over her.....her husband has all control and he will not have her tested. I have asked him to do this and he refuses.
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Reply to Willienme1950
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My Mom had Dementia. Mom hit her head in 2011. By 2014 she couldn't live alone. She moved in with me. She steadily declined monthly, by the time I placed her into an AL 20 months later, she couldn't hold a conversation. After 8 months in AL I had to place her in a NH. Her decline was a constant. There are different types of Dementia. I think with my Mom when her type reached the part of the brain that controls breathing and heart she passed.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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It sounds like mom is receiving great care. Visit when you can and just enjoy your time with her. Quizzing her is only going to be stressful for her and you and certainly will not help to improve her memory.
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Reply to gladimhere
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I looked at your profile and you state that your mother has Alzheimer's/Dementia. If that is an "official" diagnosis then the memory problems you describe are part of the process.
If she has not been officially diagnosed you can make an appointment and have her run through a battery of tests, scans, and other things but for what purpose? At this point medications will most likely not work, and if they did work at 93 is delaying the progression something that would benefit her?
About all that can be done at this point is:
Do you or does she really care what she had for lunch? If she stops eating you will know.
Accept that yes she most likely will forget you.
Accept that she will decline more
Accept that she will stop walking, probably talking (It depends on what part of the brain is damaged)
Accept that she will stop eating, stop drinking and that she will die.
Things not to do.
Stop questioning her. This is stressful and that can make things worse. (remember what it was like being quizzed before a test and you would get flustered so everything you said was wrong)
Have all her paperwork in order P.O.L.S.T (better than a DNR)
Decide now that you will not do a feeding tube
Decide now that you will not do IV's for hydration.
Decide now that you will not intubate her.
A few more things for the "to do" list.
Give her a hug when you visit
Give her a hug when you leave
Hold her hand
Tell her that you love her
Tell her that you will take care of "dad"
If she want ice cream or a beer...get it for her.
Call Hospice...They can make things so much easier for her as well as for the entire family.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I spent too much time quizzing my mom when her memory started to fail, I was just trying to get a clearer picture of what was going on but I think it stressed her out to the point that she couldn't tell me her own name either. As the years passed I realized that she had retained much more of her core memories than it seemed, the difficulty was in retrieval and articulation. It is hard to say whether or not your mother will lose it all or not, it really depends on her type of dementia, her other health conditions and how long she lives, the main thing is to take it one day at a time and accept her as the person she is each day.
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Reply to cwillie
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