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Stop reading her emails, don't answer the phone, get yourself a good therapist and agree to move on with your life and devote it to your husband and son. There are good meds out there for OCD, so find a medical professional who will prescribe them for you.

No, you can't solve your mother's problems, which you've been trying to do, unsuccessfully, for your whole life. Yet you're still trying to. Stop doing that and start trying to solve YOUR OWN problems in life. Which is all you can do: deal with your own issues.

Your mother is 77 years old meaning she can live another 2 decades, inside of your head, where she's been dwelling for your whole life. Do you want that? Or do you want to be an independent adult who lives your life free of all this drama and obsession about a woman who's taken up WAY too much of your time and headspace thus far? It's up to you. She's had a good life, living in hotels for crying out loud, yet can't see the forest through the trees!

Change your email address and get rid of the old one she's been using to contact you at. Change your phone number too, while you're at it. Start over, fresh, today.

Call a therapist or a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds to help you with the OCD thought patterns you need to get rid of. Start a whole new life for yourself free from the burden this ONE person has placed on you.

You can do it! Have faith in yourself. Best of luck taking your life back!
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Ocdtrauma70 Aug 2022
Omg. You get it - why can’t I? I’m just afraid she will show up on my doorstep because she knows where I live.
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Oh, my.

Just a comment and please don't take this the wrong way:

When you write a post, please use some kind of punctuation. I could barely follow your train of thought (tho I did certainly feel your anxiety!)

Mom is not going to change.

You can tell her until you're blue in the face what she 'needs' but it will fall on deaf ears.

77 is NOT OLD.

You and your family are doing FAR TOO MUCH for her and this is just feeding the monster. This has to stop. How much do you fund her? Her entire monthly bills?

Her constant threat of suicide is a manipulative behavior and trust me, she has NO intention of hurting herself. (My mom did this for years and years. I finally told her 'go ahead, mom, please just don't leave me a mess to clean up'). She never once made any attempts beyond verbal threats, If she did it now she would be immediately taken to the ER and we'd Baker-Act her.

Your co-mingling or her life and depression is something that a good therapist could help you with. I read such despair in your post. You spend up to 5 hrs PER DAY feeling overwrought with guilt and anxiety? How can you think that's even remotely OK for anyone?

Sorry to be so blunt. I think you can handle it.

If you do nothing, nothing will ever change.

Your mom is a super-case of Narcissism. Like, one of the worst I've ever read about on this site. So many people will have better answers than mine---and I truly do care for your situation--you sound positively frantic.

Before you do anything else--get YOURSELF to a good psychiatrist and see if some AD's would help you to function better. And a good therapist to walk with you on this journey.

((Hugs))
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Ocdtrauma70 Aug 2022
Thank you! I actually have a great life outside of this one piece! This is helping reprogram my brain.
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Have you had or currently receiving good therapy to help you understand why you want to have any involvement with this toxic woman? Are you getting treatment for your OCD? Others have cut your mother off for good, solid reasons. Somewhere you have to know that you must do the same. She is truly toxic and horrible for your well being. A loving, caring mother would never treat you as she’s done and no amount of help on your part will get you the mother you want or deserve. I’m sorry you won’t have that, it’s a harsh reality, but what you do have is a husband and son who need your undivided attention. Don’t lose them pining for what you’re not going to get from her. You can’t solve her issues, accept that and move forward. Cut off the financial help, all of it, cut off listening to her whining. She will be okay, she will find a path forward, it’s not on you to find it for her. Please change your life, you matter
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Ocdtrauma70 Aug 2022
Thank you so much. Hearing this over and over is starting to sink in. I am
starting with affirmations to reprogram that it is not my responsibility and am getting counseling and seeking other options. I don’t know if she will be okay but she still doesn’t seem to care if I’m okay so I’ll have to get over that!
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