My mother (82) wont shower except for doctors appointments and refuses help with cleaning and accuses all of us of lying and stealing.

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and the acts of unspeakable things. Her doctors are trying to keep her home and safe without the regard of what is happening with falls, and her becoming more distant and mean and the bullying of others including her children and grandchildren. It has gotten to the point where she is using her influences with others to torment and harrass until she gets her way. I live with her to help but I cannot take the mean, spiteful and control she is portraying with the internet, phones and house. I dont know if she needs Mental Health help along with Dementia and Alz help. She refuses to excerise and will only watch tv and become mean to get her way.

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"Her doctors are trying to keep her home and safe without the regard of what is happening with falls, and her becoming more distant and mean and the bullying of others including her children and grandchildren."

Have the doctors been told about the way she is at home (echoing Sunnygirl1's question)? If so, what is their response?
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It's not uncommon for people who suffer with dementia to act out, resist care, refuse reason, make false allegations. I'd go online and read a lot about how dementia manifest itself. The brain is damaged, so, it's not like she has any control over this. It's challenging to stay calm, deal with the behavior and not take it personally, but, there really is limited recourse.

Some people get relief with medications. My LO was very anxious and worried a lot. She was constantly worried about certain other people and also over things she could not verbalize. Medication really helped her a lot and she became quite content, although, not drowsy at all. She takes it daily. She sees a geriatric psychiatrist to monitor it. You might seek that for your mom too. I'd explore medication with her doctor.

Caring for a person who is uncontrollable in the home may not be feasible. I'd examine just how this might work and then explore other options. I might explain to her doctors what keeping her in the home means. I'd present them with a list of what you are observing.  So they really get it.  If you are not able to manage her around the clock care alone, I'd let them know and ask for options. When the LO requires 3 shifts of caregivers in the home, it puts a strain on the family member who is doing it. Do you have any help?
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Life, has her primary doctor suggested any type of meds to help calm her down? With the dementia/Alzheimer's, is she seeing a neurologist or geriatric physician?

All in all, your Mother cannot help what she is doing... her brain is having difficulty in reasoning.
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