We live two hours away and I cannot give up my job. Where to begin...my mother has been divorced since 1989 but she is obsessed with that. I love both my parents very much, but their divorce is between them and I am constantly reminded by her "what my dad did" and that I should not have anything to do with him. She lives alone in the home that my father built for them over 55 years ago. My husband and I live two hours away and I have a very good job. My husband was laid off several years ago and has not been able to find a FT job since - some contract work in the engineering field here and there.
So, she has a large ranch home with 1.5 acres and thinks at 85 she can maintain it "with some help." She is very particular and enlists the help of some of her friends - who are saints, by the way - to do this. She has alienated my brother, my husband and me with her constant lamenting of how my father left her. My brother lives on the east coast and doesn't visit much (wonder why?). So, we have tried to help my mom over the last 12 years. She does not have a mortgage but very little in savings. She went to a seminar given by a local elder attorney last night, then proceeded to tell me how scared she is because basically she would just have to sell her own home so that she could go to a "dirty old nursing home", unless "her kids would take care of her like she did her parents". (My grandparents lived a mile from my mom's house and my mom did not work - Dad did.)
What should a child do when she knows that moving her parent into her home would be the worst mistake ever? And, what options does my mother have? How can I convince her to sell her home and look for an assisted living facility? I see it all going downhill from here. She is not eating much lately and is losing some weight (she is a little heavy) and says it's from worry. I don't know what solutions to offer her but I think we are just frustrated that she did not sell the home twenty years ago and get a more manageable place to live.
We offered to help her move but she said it's just too overwhelming for her. So, she stays in her home and worries about every little thing. Visiting Angels? Forget it - she won't let Comcast in her house let alone a caregiver!
Bottom line: she CANNOT live with my husband and I. She is very difficult to get along with and thinks she never does anything wrong. She would be miserable and so would we. I do love my mom and appreciate how she raised me, but I am tired of feeling responsible for her mental health and tired of the guilt trips. She really is quite intelligent but manipulative.
So, without knowing me some of you may think I'm horrible but, believe me, I know there are others going through this! I don't want anything to happen to my mom but she is responsible for her own happiness, but I believe she thinks I am.