My mother will not bathe, she smells awful and has developed an infections. What can I do?

Spooky, I feel bad for you. It's like a rock and a hard place. Imho, you have to get harder about cleanliness. It may well come to 'forcing' your mom to get clean. She's already developing infections. If someone from DSS came by, they could very well get YOU for neglect. MAKE her wash, period. Or call DSS yourself and ask someone there what to do, maybe they could arrange for an aide to come out. Somethings got to give...

It wasn't that my mom would refuse to bathe, but there was no way for me to get her into the shower. She couldn't stand for long, let alone walk, so for a minute I was stumped. I never ASKED my mom if she wanted a bath, I TOLD her it was time for one. I wasn't hearing arguments. Finally, I hit upon a solution that worked for us. I stripped her down naked and gave her a towel to hold over her chest, while she sat in her wheelchair. I brought her over in front of the sink, soaped her up, had my son Sean help her stand when I had to wash her butt and privates, then she sat back down...and I took the sprayer hose from the sink and hosed her off, right there in the kitchen. My floors were underwater in spite of towels I placed under and around my mom's wheelchair, which was more work, but hey, mom was squeaky clean and actually laughed and seemed to enjoy getting the bath. Hey, whatever works. lol Also, after the bath, I'd break out some really good smelling lotions and body sprays and give her a 'spa treatment'. She enjoyed that, too. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do... Good luck!

Mee123 - I couldn't agree with you more! I am new - about a week now - and until I came here I had no idea how common some of the awful things I am dealing with are. I truly felt alone. Bathing was a major issue - my mom went 3 years without a proper shower even though I tried home health nurses, and other interventions. She is now in a facility where a weekly shower is mandatory and next week is moving to a NH where she will hate having one twice a week - but she will have them! As clear by the number of 2015 post this is still a hot topic. I wish I had known about this site years ago. I'm sure this thread would have at a minimum provided me a measure of comfort - as I'm sure it is now doing that for others!

I agree with SA make her wash OR threaten her with a home? Its works for my mum I just mention home and she shuffles up the stairs cursing me!!

Ive read that they are afraid of hot water and confused I know you may have done this but I read that if you put a towel soap and clean clothes in front of them all laid out it makes it easier for them to wash? I dont have this problem YET? my mum is washing once a week so better than not at all? I run the bath for her make sure its not too high or hot she seems more keen when i run the bath for her!
Anyway im sure youve tried everything? Get a nurse in as this is a health issue and needs to be sorted.

If my mum dosnt behave the very mention of a NH seems to scare her? tough love!! good luck and let us know how you get on.

I assume she has a physician. Make an appointment for her. Tell her they called and need to see her. Make up any excuse that will work. I find my MIL will wash when she has to go to the DR. Then take her to the Dr. and let him see this infection and treat her for it. Or let him see how stinky dirty she is, explain the situation and let him tell the both of you the options available. Her dirtiness can endanger your family's health. No one has the right to do that.

She is 83,has moderate dementia.She ses the dr regularly,and does not care if she is dirty,lol.She had an eval. (goold) done in May.The RN said I cannot make her bathe or shower,I can only remind her.Personally I really disliked that RN.She saw my mom on a better day than usual.Mom accused me of stealing her underpants today,she has been throwing them in the trash.I put on gloves fish them out & wash them.Things are crazy!!!She hates perfumes,and lotions.all around she is pretty unpleasant,lol.I have a plan...will let you know if it works...til then...Fe breeze.

Hi poor you! Tea tree is very good for this its candida but not always from not washing try washing her with this as I had thrush once and used this. Also natural yougurt rubbed into it! I personally would if you can see an alternative doc as the natural products worked better for me than conventional docs and antifungals! Also (sorry but cured myself from candida years ago so a bit of an expert on fungus!!!) yeast feeds on sugars maybe cut down on her sweet things. even lactose in milk can irritate it!

Hope this helps as i dont think its just from not washing bad diet can cause it too! You can get teatree oil soap also most health shops sell it!

try googling candida albicans for more info! and good luck!

Can you tell us a bit more about your Mom. How old is she? Are there other health issues? does she live with you full time? Is there easy access to the bathroom? can she depend on her privacy. Has she allowed you to see her breast infection. Are you sure it is yeast and not something more serious. is it open and weeping, draining pus. can she still manage to bathe alone? Is she afraid of falling? Do you have handrails in the tub/shower. it may be very painful to touch the infected area and even plain water may hurt not to mention a washcloth and soap try some baby wipes and a light dusting of the anti fungal powder. Have you inspected her underwear? Don't cringe put on gloves and wear a mask if you have to. She may have a vaginal infection or again something worse in that area. One way to go is call in Public health or take the bull by the horns and bathe her yourself. Enlist the help of your husband if you have one and both of you march her to the bathroom. She may give in if she sees your husband is going to help and you can do it alone. Respect her privacy no one likes being stripped naked although it does not seem to bother hospitals these days. Wrap her in a large towel and probably use a shower chair. if you have a detachable shower head it makes it easier. other wise fill a large bucket with warm water, wash her from that and rinse off with a jug. let her wash what she can herself but help with feet and back. If she is reluctant let her keep her underwear on till everything else is clean then wrap her in a large warm towel and she can discretely wash the genital area. Make sure you wear gloves for the bath and handling dirty laundry and towels. After use wash your tub and the tub of your washer with bleach and the toilet seat if others use it. keep all linens separate for her use only. If this is all not possible your only option is to call in public health. even they are unlikely to physically force her to wash if she refuses so it is going to ultimately be down to you. keep in touch your experiences and solutions are a great help to others.

SA cant stop laughing just picturing you hosing your mum down!! But as you say whatever works!!

Spooky62's question may be an old post but is still relevant and on going problem that others continue to need answered. There are folks asking for help for 2015. The post may be old but the problem is new for each first time caregiver