She will not remember the chart She will not remember who has died and when you tell her again it will be like she is hearing the information for the first time, every time. If she asks about her just say that she is away and will be back later. or She went out tot he store. She may be remembering her family and or dreaming about them and with dementia reality and dreams get blurred. Just don't let it stress you, if your mom gets upset by seeing any of the people that she is seeing (if she sees them) Just tell her to tell them to go away. If they don't upset her you can ask about them You may get some new family history. YOur mom just wants to be reassured that she is safe, she was safe when she was little when her mom was looking after her, that is what she still wants.
Sadly, you cannot reorient a person with dementia. The brain is dying and with it memories. Telling them someone is dead makes them feel like it is the first time they have heard it with all of the pain that comes with it. But after awhile even telling them they are gone is more than they can comprehend. My daughters 41st birthday was yesterday. She died 8 years ago. I remember and the pain is there. My hubby can't remember and doesn't have to feel the heart wrenching pain of every anniversary or birthday or the loss of her in our lives. Maybe a "positive" of dementia.????
My aunt is in the very, very early stages of dementia. She knows who's alive and who's dead, but she can't always remember how we're all related to one another. She asked for a chart, I made it, and it helped her at the time. I definitedly would NOT do it if her dementia were more advanced.
My son's MIL had more advanced dementia; she thought my son, her daughter, the grandkids, other drop-ins were dearly loved old friends and relatives long dead. It gave her great pleasure when they "visited" her. No one would have dreamed of correcting her.
Often dementia patients can't even follow simple tv show plots. The chart makes sense to us, but it will be like 50 First Dates where the women has to relearn she had a terrible accident every morning. For a long time my MIL (now 84 with memory issues) kept asking where her spouse was. We'd gently tell her he passed and when and she'd get sad and disoriented. Now she doesn't mention it any more even though there's a nice big photo of them together at her bedside. I'm not sure there's a right answer here, more about what you want to accomplish and how much time and effort you wish to invest. Blessings to you!
When my mom get's disoriented about time and date I meet her there letting her talk about it, sometimes I ask questions without verifying that she is right or wrong in her thinking and it usually leads to her realizing shes confused and she will either ask if her mother is dead or just say "she isn't alive is she?" but when she doesn't acknowledge that I just move the subject to the here and now when I need to or let her live out her time travel as long as it's making her happy. It's all about being gentle and guiding her or just leaving it alone with my mom. I also find that keeping things light when she realizes she's been confused or hallucinating makes it far less stressful for her, I smile and we often laugh about her visitors (happens when she gets dehydrated) after I verify she wasn't frightened or anything and she tells me how real it seemed, I always say "nice to have company!" she doesn't talk to them though, I'm not really sure why.
Breaking sad news to someone who has forgotten the sad news doesn't seem kind to me, but, even if he does it, it won't matter. She'll forget it. So, if he wants to continually upset her, I can see him going over the chart and breaking the bad news daily. It doesn't seem helpful or kind, imo. Also, by this stage, reading and processing what one has read seems to also be a challenge for persons with dementia. They may literally read it out loud, but, the meaning does not process to them.
I found that keeping my LO as content as possible was always the right way to go and even if she was wrong in her memory, I went along and tried to make it a positive thing. This included no sad news.
If you remind a person with dementia that her mother is dead, then she gets to relive that trauma EACH time you remind her! It's pointless to draw up charts for your mother at this stage of the game; just go along with her idea that her mom is alive and well. Why destroy HER truth? With dementia, it's time to enter THEIR world and stop forcing them into OURS.
She has dementia. The chart isn’t going to work. She’s not going to remember that her mom is dead. The chart would likely confuse her rather than reorient her.
I don't think it'd hurt. I don't think it would solve the problem altogether, either. Your mother will still bring people vividly to mind and believe they are alive - it's more that she is back in 1975 than that she thinks they are still with us in 2019. But a chart would be one way to help reorient her in time, and if you use photos on it so much the better - it could lead to some lovely conversations :)
Making the whole thing a photo chart, with the photos in some sort of date order, could keep DH happy, have the nice conversations, and not need a repetition that the people in all the old photos are dead. A floor to ceiling strip of fabric (or wall to wall) with things stuck or pinned onto it, would be the equivalent of those growth charts for children, and look really nice.
I don't think the chart will make any difference one way or another. You are looking at a disease that a chart is helpless against, as is your repeating over and over and over that her mother is not alive. You can handle it any way you like; it will make little difference to her for very long. The best way to handle it is to move on.
She will not remember who has died and when you tell her again it will be like she is hearing the information for the first time, every time.
If she asks about her just say that she is away and will be back later. or She went out tot he store.
She may be remembering her family and or dreaming about them and with dementia reality and dreams get blurred.
Just don't let it stress you, if your mom gets upset by seeing any of the people that she is seeing (if she sees them) Just tell her to tell them to go away. If they don't upset her you can ask about them You may get some new family history. YOur mom just wants to be reassured that she is safe, she was safe when she was little when her mom was looking after her, that is what she still wants.
My son's MIL had more advanced dementia; she thought my son, her daughter, the grandkids, other drop-ins were dearly loved old friends and relatives long dead. It gave her great pleasure when they "visited" her. No one would have dreamed of correcting her.
I found that keeping my LO as content as possible was always the right way to go and even if she was wrong in her memory, I went along and tried to make it a positive thing. This included no sad news.
Best of luck!