How do I care for my 91 yr old mother with dementia that lies all of the time about any and everything. I don't get it. - AgingCare.com

How do I care for my 91 yr old mother with dementia that lies all of the time about any and everything. I don't get it.

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My MIL constantly, and I mean constantly gets on the phone and uses me as the person who "said this" or "said that", claiming my husband and I signed her name and stole her property while she was in hospital, etc.
Of course that never happened, but all the family members are just thriving on the gossip.
She has been a manipulator, orchestrator and problem maker that divided this family long before I came into it....and still there are two adult children who believe every word out of her mouth and act on it.
She lives in our house, she has never owned a house, we fought hard to keep her out of psychiatric facility for the rest of her life (YES, we actually did this to ourselves), we pay for all her needs (lovingly)....and we are the horrible people who have ruined her life, to top it off, my SIL just told me I need to butt-out of the family issues (I am the one and only caregiver). My husband and I very calmly said, ok-we will butt-out, are you taking her to live with you now...should we send her things? THAT statement changes everything. I am SO SORRY that you deal with this, because this has changed the core of the person I am and the pain....the guttural pain it causes is horrible. I wish I could help you...maybe just knowing you are not the only one out there will be of help. Certainly you are in our prayers.
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My MIL "Lies" also but not a big lies she just distorts the truth once in a while. Or she really dienes that is what she really said. She mentioned to DH once "that her words don't always come out the way she means them. So try to take like a grain of salt!! Easier said than done!!
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You may want to give more information so we can understand and you may also want to talk with her mother's doctor. The doctor can determine if is a part of dementia or if something else is taking place.
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Did Mom lie all the time before she got dementia?

What is the nature of her "lies" now? Usually in dementia the tales that are told are not a deliberate attempt to deceive, but come from the person's very confused veiw of reality. Usually it is not a matter of saying something they know to be false in an attempt to fool you -- it is a matter of saying what they believe to be true. Often these statements are a part of delusions they are having.

Tell us a little more about the situation. Many people on here are dealing with dementia and will be able to relate.
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