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Over the last week or so, my mother (about 74) finds it hard to go to the toilet, in order to use it. When I stayed with her [and father (76)] in my hometown during the entire past August , she would head for the restroom, or I would take her by hand there, at least three times a day. With me, she was really cooperative, and we were glad about that.
Now they're back with the middle brother's family, and l help around on weekends. Here, where the restroom/toilet is easier for mom to notice and access, she appears to have lost all sense of orientation, and tends to seek other corners to urinate and/or defecate, which she did the other night - in her bedroom, though she was led into the toilet earlier by both father and sister-in-law, so as to prevent the very accident!
It's crystal clear mom isn't doing this on purpose, but I feel so surprised at this abrupt change in her. What is happening with mom, and what can we really do?
Thanks..


P.S. In a couple of weeks, my middle brother's family intends to move into their own place, which is one floor above where they're living. My oldest brother's highly indifferent family lives in the same building on the third floor. So, father and mother will be staying on the first floor. This upcoming occurence has also made father feel worse, given that mother isn't cooperative [enough] with him..

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Your Mom now needs to be taken to the toilet and someone stays near by to help clean her up. This was the worst part of caregiving for me. My Moms bathroom was only maybe 8ft in front of her chair. With a picture and the name bathroom on the door and she still could not find it. There was a small table outside the door on the wall. I found her using it for a toilet.
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I mean pull ups like Always Discreet or Depends Silhouette not diapers, at the very least an incontinence pad like Poise many will tell you that calling them diapers is almost certain to result in them being rejected.
Incontinence and dementia just go hand in hand and will only get worse over time, think of it like potty training in reverse. When your mother's wishes no longer make sense then it is time to override them, try removing all her underwear and replacing them with the "new ones" you have provided.
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Timtim12 Sep 2020
I understand. Thanks a lot..
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Get her into incontinence underwear to contain any accidents and put her on a toileting schedule. Her main caregiver (your father?) needs to take her to the bathroom every 2 or 3 hours, and someone needs to be aware of where she is and what she is up to all the time in order to head off her use of inappropriate places.
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Timtim12 Sep 2020
Thanks for the feedback. By incontinence underwear do you mean diapers? Mother can't stand wearing them..
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