My mother will not allow me to help her with her finances, but is broke before the end of each month. - AgingCare.com

My mother will not allow me to help her with her finances, but is broke before the end of each month.

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She then asks us for more - now what? She has only SS, no house, car or investments, and lives in an apt. I can't add up what I know she spends and figure out how she runs short. My brother told her no today; says he can't (she asked him only 2 months ago), and I gave her some before she asked him.... So now just stop? I am unable to oversee her; she won't let me, and he doesn't want to and lives far away. Social Services helps her and I am grateful, since she won't work with me; only wants me to be a taxi and step and fetch it..... she's been like this always, so I don't think there's any dementia - any suggestions, or just let it be and don't let her slave me?

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I can only repeat what wvavet said - do not give her any money. But every time she asks offer to sit down with her & help her pay her bills. That is what I had to do for my dad. But he willingly gave me control of his finances.
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I hear you, Rainmom; since I do not have POA (no one does), and don't want it; I think we are protected. My husband has been so good for the 20+ years we've been married to help my mom, it would be awful if we were on the hook for any of her expenses - not to mention, we can't afford them. If I'm wrong, let me know... also, you're right, my guess is there's a leak and it's going to too many ministries.... plus, she pays people to do things for her constantly; stuff I just can't manage, as I have health issues and live out of town. Who knows? Even the "Shadow" doesn't know this one!
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Whatever your moms telling you she's giving to her church - or mail in charities, like my moms drain of choice - multiply it by at least three! I would never before have suggested sneaking into her apartment and going through her checkbook and her mail - drawers and wherever else- had I not gone through what I did with my mom who I estimate to have mailed off aprox $20,000 to any charity that would mail a request to her. It was a losing battle I fought for about four years. I guess I was "lucky" in that my mother had enough money to get away with this - for a while, at least. I was also lucky that mom had enough money to wait out any penalties Medicaid might have imposed for gifting, should it have come to that. If your mother completely runs out of money, gets really ill but Medicaid says "no, you'll have to wait five years in exchange for all the money you gave to your church". Is her church gonna step up and pay the bills? Do WHATEVER you need to do to protect yourself - whether your mother likes it or not.
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Thank you, pamstegma; it's exactly what I hope for.... not yet, but soon. She would not listen to me about meds, and SS provided the RN - whom she listens to more, but also manages. The RV got her to sign the necessary health forms if we need them, so I am happy - whatever works!
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Mally1, she needs a conservator before she is homeless. You can petition the court to appoint someone besides family to do this. My MIL would not pay any bill she did not like. Never paid medical co-pays or water bills and hid the tax bill. On the other hand she sent money to any charity that asked. That's when they really honestly need a guardian or conservator.
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You all are so sharp - guess you've had to be.... Yes, the TV ministries used to get a large share of her income, but she told me yesterday no more than 10% now (she hasn't been able to get to church for months; lst time last week). Then she wouldn't talk about it any more. I do know she owes about $3,000 in co pays from her share of ambulance ride, MRI ($600 her share!), doctor visits, etc., even tho she has Medicare parts A,B, and D. Also has had a lot of dental work done lately - all on her ticket. SS pays for all the help and items it takes to keep her independent, so I'm at a loss..... If any of you know how to get rid of the medical bills, let me know; at this time she says she pays the hospital $10 a month, but I'm sure it was more before, plus the ambulance, and dentist. My head hurts now.....
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Does she live in appropriate housing, like a senior apartment!? Many of those are subsidizes and their rent goes by the persons income. What about her spending, does she manage her money well in the stores? Thrift stores are great for inexpensive clothing and such. She might qualify for meals on wheels. Another great resource is your counties AREA ON AGING. They ccan give you all sorts of ideas to help her out financially and see what she qualifies for as a low income senior. You may have to get tough, my just tell her you can't help her if she doesn't let you intervene with her checkbook and accounting. She might be in debt, which would be worrisome! Also check with the Senior Center, near where she lives, if she won't go with you, go alone, and ask around.
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I knew an old lady who dropped hundreds each week at BINGO.
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Does she have any "habits" you should know about, like the casino or drinking.. or gifting the churchs on TV? They can be hard to route out... check her check book if you can.. They can be sneaky!!
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Just say No until she asks for your help in managing her money! Thats the only way to know if she really needs help. Also get her to DHHR and make sure shes getting all the benefits she is entitled to, many seniors don't out of pride.
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