Thanks everyone for your advice and input. I'm going to give her doctor a call and make sure it's ok to try some melatonin along with all the other meds she's on. I like the idea of the bed rails also. I am also looking into a deadbolt for the front door. The other doors are surrounded by the fence and she doesn't know how to unlatch it. They also have alarms. Bethany...I've had my mom in physical therapy and it was great for her. Her caregiver is suppose to be doing exercises with her at home. Unfortunately, I realized the daytime caregiver has been dishonest and hasn't been doing it. I also have cameras in my home. That is another issue I'll need to deal with. I have found a respite close to home which I plan to start soon. It will be good for her to socialize with others.
exactly, we had just got to the point of seeing about respite and medication, but this was going to be the kicker to having to get more help or doing something, though, honestly, at this point, I'm not sure what we would have done, for a lot of reasons, so, bad as it was, in one sense, it was a blessing, though it was still horrible and I wish we'd at least possibly gotten the alarms earlier, maybe both door and bed, though not sure knew about the bed ones then; even the hospital still had just had - though this had been a few years - the floor ones, though think by the time we wound up back there - or somewhere I saw - the bed ones - and the door bolts might be good - just know we were told couldn't lock them in - seems rather strange when that's what they do in memory care units, but anyway - for all that, like was said, that only deals with half the problem because it's still there and you still have to deal with it so we had also just begun to ask about more medication but hadn't gotten that resolved yet, but, yes, the caregiver has to be able to sleep, especially if they can't just go on their schedule, which was the answer the home health agency gave us for a friend of mine's mother, but not everybody can do that, which is why you almost have to have the 24/7 people somewhere re sundowner's my mom got that in the hospital with her hip surgery, something nobody told us about till it happened, got better after she got home, another reason for not sending her to rehab, but still there somewhat, hard for dad to deal with - this was before he got worse, after she ended up passing away
Be aware of all the stimulants she may be eating to keep her awake at night i.e. chocolate, coffee, etc. Even a high protein dinner will give her more energy. Try one tablespoon honey, one tablespoon apple cider vinegar (mixed together) and drink about one hour before bedtime. You can also try melatonin (OTC and inexpensive). Do not nap during the day or she won't sleep at night. Also, get double locks on the doors, and you hide the key so she cannot get outside. I once put a mattress on the floor for my mother (with dementia) and she slept next to our bed. It seemed to be comforting. Try anything that works so you can get some sleep. You cannot be a caregiver if you need caregiving.
My husband has multiple dementia (vascular and Parkinson) and Parkinson disease. He was wandering at nighttime with hallucination. His neurologist and psychologist stated that he has what you called "sundowning dementia". He is on medication and is not wandering at nighttime as often. It has really made me feel less stressful. Good Luck and God Bless.
I give my mom a cup of green tea which is mixed with her cup of cocoa. That helps a lot. I also give her a cup of coffee in the morning. Keep her up during the day so she won't be wandering all night. I also walk my mom every single day. She uses a walker but she can ambulate 1/4th of a mile and does so daily. THere were times she got restless in the afternoon so I walk her again. That takes care of that problem.
Mom has advanced dementia and was also up alot at nite. I got her used to the adult diapers and that helped but every noise I was awake. The Dr recommended melatonin. I had better results with the tylenol pm. It took care of her aches and put her to sleep better. I ordered a bed rail from online and she cannot get it down so she lies quietly and returnes to sleep. Me and my husband have now been able to sleep all nite long.its a process of what works for you and your Mom. Every case is different.
Does your mother have dementia? If yes, this is very typical behavior and I just went through this for almost a year with my godmother, who just passed away 2 weeks ago. I got a bed alarm for her, which you can order on line or probably get at a medical supply store. A pad is placed on the bed with a sensor that will set off an alarm when she tries to get up. It does work, but it scares the heck out of you when you are sleeping, and it still will keep you up all night if she continues to try to get up. The only real alternative is to have an home health aide do an overnight shift so you can get continuous sleep, otherwise any devise you get, bed pad, monitor system, etc will keep you getting up every night and losing sleep. Like I said, I went through this for over a year, not every night and sometimes weeks would go by with no problems, then she would start up again and then for a few days she would try to get out of bed sometimes 3-5 times a night! It is not easy to say what to do, because you never know what and when they will try to do something, and you must always be careful of them falling and hurting themselves. This is why so many people give in and place their loved ones in a nursing home, as it is too difficult to handle the different stages that will arise with this disease. And always remember, to make sure you take good care of yourself and your health, as it is very easy for the caregiver's health to fail because of all the extra stress caregiving puts on your life! In the last month, I finally had 2 home health aides come in for 12 hour shifts each, as I was totally exhausted and now, I wish I would have done it sooner! Yes, it was not cheap to have them come in for that time, but nursing homes are not cheap either, and you never know how your loved one is being treated there. You also must consider that there will be someone in your home at all times, but towards the end, I would never had been able to take care of her by myself. Prayers and Blessings being sent to you!
Debbie54....I am sorry for your loss. My mother has alzheimers now. She was diagnosed with dementia several years back and has since been diagnosed with alzheimers. I like the idea of the bed alarm. I have a caregiver during the day who is suppose to be keeping my mom active and exercising her as part of her duties, although I've come to find out this hasn't been happening. I may need to find another caregiver since she didn't appreciate being called out and caught lying to me. I hate interviewing, but am about to get started. Plus I have a respite lined up. I know caregivers aren't cheap.
Use a baby gate on her room. I live in a split level and Mom is in the bottom level that wwould becalled a family room. She has her own bathroom. I put a gate up so she can't getup the steps. I put a piece of wood under the gate to make it high enough she can't climb over it.
Have her checked for a urinary tract infection. This is quite common in th elderly and causes sleepless nights, night mares and a plethora of crazy behavior. The brain swells because the toxins from the UTI get into the blood. I think this is the thing that killed my mother.
I just had her to the doctor last week for her 3 month check up, but I'm gonna give them a call and take her in just to make sure there isn't a UTI. she had another bad night last night.
I see a lot of posts regarding UTIs on other threads as well. While it is common, i think a lot of hospitals etc go straight to that diagnosis. There is a preliminary diagnosis but the true confirmation takes 24hrs. My mom never had a UTI ever but still exhibited behaviors that are similar. While it's fine to be tested and rule it out, my mom was wrongly given heavy antibiotics unnecessarily and never really diagnosed for the problems she complained about. Just worth an FYI....
I barely slept for months keeping one eye open on my night wandering mother. Every safety effort was implemented along with frequent health and medications evaluations. Placing my mom in an AL was the very best decision for her safety and for my own health and sanity.
with the talk about the meds for helping with this has made me remember and wonder; know when dad went in the hospital the first time he had been used to taking what he called a sleeping pill - just something otc, don't think melatonin but possibly? - anyway, they wouldn't let him have it at the hospital and he, whether actually physical or psychological, would not settle down without taking something, which they couldn't do without doctor's orders; now I know it was late but it was getting bad; they did not and could not handle him, to the point they were giving him -yes, multiple, with each one making him worse, at one point do you stop - Haldol shots - till I finally practically ordered them (though I know they didn't have to listen) to call his doctor and tell him and ask him for something - I think they get scared to let the doctors know they can't handle these patients, but he was fine with it, I really think they want to know; it's the nurses that don't want them to know, ordered him - ambien, I think it was, and he was fine then - now, again, whether it was really that or just taking something - I almost think they could have given him an M&M and he would have been fine - maybe I should have just done that, hm...well, maybe not
I put side rails on the bed. Now my husband can't get out of bed, but this is a safety issue, too. Since he falls, I don't want him getting out without my assistance. Also, he sleeps very well, since I put him on Benadryl at night. He was really lethargic when he wasn't sleeping at night. The Benadryl has been a godsend. It's amazing what sleep deprivation can do to an already confused mind.
I keep my mom up during the day. Sleeping during the day is not allowed. In the morning I will give her a strong cup of coffee. During the after noon I give her green tea mixed with cocoa. Believe it or not, these things really help. IF she decides to sleep during the early evening I have a cow bell that I ring. However, do NOT give her any caffeine after 5 p.m. Overall my mom sleeps during the night and stays awake during the day. However, she will still have her occasions and WANDER at night. At least for a little. LOCKING THE DOORS -- pad locking them before going to bed--is MANDATORY. DOOR ALARMS are also MANDATORY. DAILY EXERCISE is also most helpful--I walk my mom daily using a walker. It helps her mind a lot. If she gets really restless during the day than I will take her out for another walk. Yes it's a lot of work but welcome to the world of caregiving.
I forgot to mention even with Alzheimer's there are certain television programs that she will watch and stay awake. I have the entire DVD set of "Dark Shadows" -- she loves that show. I pop some episodes in she will stay awake and watch those and not sleep. I don't know if she understands what goes on but she likes it.
As a 40 year night nurse I have dealt with elderly wanderers. I used this sentence 'did you think it is morning and you had to getup?' Pt , being afraid to admit confusion. She would answer 'yes'. Then I'd say 'it's still night and you can go to sleep for awhile.
Unfortunately the "wandering" day or night is a symptom of the disease. This is the one that brought us to 24 hour live-in care givers.(Yes, alarms on the doors also) It worked for a full 9 months. :-) When my mother became wobbly and unsafe walking around herself, we had to put her in assisted living. She never wanted to end up there, but her house has stairs and being in her house gave her the POWER to do as she pleased. Bless you- and take care of yourself. You're not able to care for someone else if you aren't getting enough sleep.
Well....Now I've had to let the daytime caregiver go. You would think when they know there's one camera in the house, there may be others. Cameras don't lie. She was sleeping and not doing what she was hired to do for my mother. Mom was going out in the yard with the dogs (which she loves and they love her) and no caregiver around. Working on hiring a new caregiver and gonna do a respite program. No napping during the day. I have started a low dose of melatonin. Trying several of the great ideas posted and really appreciate everyone's input.
The six months I lived with my mom I was definitely sleep deprived. She was a pacer. All blinds and shutters would be closed at 4:30 to 5:00pm. She was too afraid to go outside at dark so I didn't have to worry about her leaving the house but ohhh, would she pace and turn on all the lights. It would scare me to death every night when she would turn on my bedroom light. I would ask her "MOM, WHY....what .....are you doing?" she never answered. I think she was just checking to see that there was no one in the house. Didn't eve remember she was doing it. When she went to her facility she would pace all night. Go get in her bed for a time then get back up and pace the halls. Luckily it is a facility that she could do that....went in circles and had cameras for nurses to watch. I go and see these people pacing. Don't know where they are going but they just can't sit or stand still. Ok, sorry that went on.....what to do to get sleep? Is she ready for a facility? Are finances in place where she can go? If not then bring someone in for the evenings. Social services can help get you started. If you are wiped out you can't be effective or helpful. If you are still working then it won't be for long since you won't be able to make good decisions. I know from where I speak. It breaks you down. Physically and emotionally. Please seek some help. Is she eligible for VA financial help? Again, social worker, or elder attny can help sort things out. If she hasn't been checked in a while then it could be that she needs physical and possibly a UTI. UTI's are wicked on elderly. Dehydration can take it's toll. I think she needs to be checked out by her physician. If she has and nothing is wrong, then it might just be time to move her or bring help in if possible. There is help out there financially. Please check with all of the above mentioned.....social worker, elder attny, facilities. They are huge sources of information and can help sort things out for you. Good Luck and God Bless
pargirl...Thank you so much for your input...I will be looking for a new caregiver since the other one decided to stop taking care of my mother they way she should have been. I had to let her go. I also have cameras. I did take my mom to the doctor and she doesn't have a UTI. I know how they can reek havic on the elderly. I push water all day. The doctor did run blood work to check her kidneys and liver. I won't put my mother in a facility. I had my house built with special ADA accommodations so she can live out the remainder of her life here. I will bring in nurses and caregivers. I'm just having a difficult time getting someone to stay with her while I interview or to speak with people. My brother is wanting me to hire his wife which I don't believe is a good idea. She is wonderful. He has issues, which I fear would cause problems. I recently was forced to apply for disability due to chronic health problems, so unfortunately I won't be returning to work. I still need assistance since it is difficult for me to bathe my mother and help lift her out of chairs. I do it, although it is painful for me. My mother gets a good bath everyday. Unlike when the caregiver I just let go was here. I found her sitting in the chair in the bedroom while Mom was in the shower. Without assistance, my mom's idea of bathing is just running water over herself.
Have you called the local area on aging for any lists of caregivers? Sometimes a geriatric care manager also may have resources. Yes, you pay for the initial help but finding one on your own is pretty hard. I gather that you have not used an agency? This is a tough job that people think they want but they really discover otherwise. Do you have more than one so they avoid burn-out? So sad that folks have to get cameras put in, isn't it!
I have no experience with this but would it be wrong to put a screen door on her room? One you could lock from the outside. Have the room set up like others mentioned with a bedside commode and card table.
Bethany...I've had my mom in physical therapy and it was great for her. Her caregiver is suppose to be doing exercises with her at home. Unfortunately, I realized the daytime caregiver has been dishonest and hasn't been doing it. I also have cameras in my home. That is another issue I'll need to deal with. I have found a respite close to home which I plan to start soon. It will be good for her to socialize with others.
re sundowner's my mom got that in the hospital with her hip surgery, something nobody told us about till it happened, got better after she got home, another reason for not sending her to rehab, but still there somewhat, hard for dad to deal with - this was before he got worse, after she ended up passing away
Bless you- and take care of yourself. You're not able to care for someone else if you aren't getting enough sleep.