My mother wants to move home now. How can we make this happen? - AgingCare.com

My mother wants to move home now. How can we make this happen?

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6 months ago my mother had a stroke and had post surgery confusion and memory issues. Since then she has steadily improved to the point she seems like her old self. My sibling, POA put her in assisted living and now says she will never go home again. I feel like I am the only person fighting for her freedom. She has had everything taken from her. She wants to be in her own house doing her own things again. How can we make this happen. I feel like a unbiased doctor needs to evaluate her and her mental state which seems pretty darn good for 80. Help!

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Anabel, please note that the Administrative Staff will probably erase any mention of the caregiving company, where you work. It's a conflict of interest as there are caregiving companies that pay for advertisements on the forums.
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Hi,

Your mother wanting to go home is perfectly normal. She wants to feel independent and in a location where she feels comfortable. It's completely understandable! This can happen if you provide her with a caregiver that can monitor her throughout the day. 

Your concern is understandable.  If her doctor gives her the okay, then I would look into the home care services option where you can have a Home Health Aide give care. In addition, nurses could visit frequently to reassure that your mother is getting the treatment she requires. 

There are home care agencies throughout the country who can give your family a free screening. I work for Home Care. It's in our policy to give a free consultation and screening to reassure the family that their loved one will be in safe hands.

I hope this helps. Regardless, there is help out there for your mother.
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Looking4help, if your mother is mentally fine then your POA sibling cannot force her to stay in the ALF. The decision is your mother's to make.

Arranging an assessment of her mental capacity is only necessary if a previous, formal assessment has found her to be lacking mental capacity. Was there one?

Having said those things, I would be cautious about encouraging your mother to make this move. A person who has had one stroke is more likely than most to have another, God forbid; but in any case your mother can only get older and more frail. And although I am all in favour of elders' autonomy, you do have to weigh up the pros and cons as objectively as you can. You don't have to oppose your mother but don't start being a cheerleader for her going home unless you're sure it really is the best idea. It might be better first of all to encourage her to settle in the facility - has she really given it a fair shot, would you say?
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If your mother is competent to change her power of attorney, then she can change it from your sibling to YOU. You can then help her make the decisions where to live, how to pay for it, how to get care in the home, etc.
You can arrange for a geriatric assessment by a doctor for your mother - or she can request a referral from her current doctor. You don't say what caused your sibling to move your mother to assisted living. Is she really capable of living on her own? Is there dementia involved? Is she able to drive safely - clean her own house - prepare her own meals - perform her own hygiene? You can sit down with your sibling and ask the same questions.
My MIL was in hospital and rehab in February. She improved markedly from urinary tract infection and other issues related to Parkinson's when she was getting regular meals, physical therapy, transport to medical treatments, proper medication management, and social interactions. When she went home from rehab because she was "so much better and her old self", she got 3 weeks in home assistance and then it all went away because Medicare doesn't pay for home assistance like washing dishes, meals, etc. And she went back in hospital beginning of this month again with same issues because she can't manage on her own without 'assistance'. Ask the questions, do the research. Frequently we overestimate how much people can do on their own while they are in a facility with lots of help. Stay overnight and see how much she is actually doing on her own. You may find that you'd be expected to take over all the work that the assisted living personnel - 3 shifts of 8 hours each rested - are doing now.
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