Mother wants to live with her daughter. Any advice?

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My Mother as bone cancer. Her doctor release her to live with a relative which would be me, no other sibling would step forward. She can not afford being in the Nursing home, have to pay $130 a day. She doesn't qualify for assist until her bank account is zero out. Her insurance will has ranned out.. So my question is how can I help get things rolling once her funds are low enough.. I have to quit one of my jobs to watch her all day. She can walk around and fed herself. She gets confused sometimes..But she can't be left alone. I've recent got my CNA license. Now have to turn down job offer to care for her. Really need advice on how I can get her settle in until I can get assistance and what programs will help me now!! She's stubborn when it comes to her going to a Nursing home. Does not want to live in one.. She has to have kemo once a week. Can you help me out. Confused. Happen so fast!

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There are others here who can address the Medicaid application process, so I'll that to those who know more than I do.

I don't understand, however, how her "insurance has run out." Was she unable to continue paying for it? Is she not on Medicare? More explanation would help.

Although I don't know specifically if they have referrals, Gilda's Club is an excellent resource center. You might contact them to see if they can offer suggestions on interim care until your mother qualifies for Medicaid.

Gilda's Club also has a lot of support to offer - specific cancer group meetings, pot dinners, musical events. If you can bring your mother to one, she'll meet others in similar situations and won't feel so alone, as many cancer patients often do.

For the chemo trips, if you're unable to take her, check with your local public transportation system to learn if they have a "dial-a-ride", "small bus", or specific service serving elderly or the ill which takes them from door to destination. Ours has one which will take someone within 10 miles from their house for only $1.00.

Check with your local senior center or google Meals on Wheels. If your mother is confined to the house until you are home with her or even afterward depending on which job you keep, you might be able to get MOW for her.

Have you considered taking FMLA from the one job instead of quitting it entirely? It may be that after you have arrangements in place you can still handle that job, or perhaps work at it part time.
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The same thing happened to my next door neighbors. The youngest was promised by her dad while he was terminally ill if she would take care of her mother when the time came the parent's house would be hers. The elder daughter talked her mom into going to an attorney and fixing it so that the house would have to be sold and split among the children. Nevertheless, the youngest faithfully lived with her mother and when she became ill, cared for her until her death. After that happened they all had a meeting and said, "sis, you have to get out, we are selling the house"....I am an only child and only in my elder years have I been happy of that fact.
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Dear MomNeedMe - I am terribly sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. I didn't see her age or prognosis mentioned. This information helps in making useful suggestions. Also; do you work close by the home? Is your schedule changeable?

If your mom is on Medicare, maybe her doctor can put her on Hospice. That would give you access to in-home care, DME and Respite days etc. But you mentioned that her insurance has run out? If she is too young for Medicare and lost her insurance through her employer because she is no longer able to work - she can apply for Medicare Disability. This would help with the bills.

I know your head is spinning and you are trying to make long-range plans with very limited information. Your mom is probably very scared too. And the last thing she wants to hear is that she will be placed in a facility with strangers.

I understand how this diagnosis turns your life upside down. If she is still able to walk and feed herself; make her as comfortable as possible (make meals at night for the next day); label things, etc. Talk to your employer to see how they might possibly accommodate your schedule. And get a prognosis from her doctor so you'll know better what limitations you are dealing with. Best thoughts go with you.
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Thank you dollfacd.. I agree. I have tried everything I could.. I don't want to upset her it's only been 5 months since my dad passed... So since they won't budge.. I will take her back to Florida with me around my beautiful children and grandchildren let her enjoy the beaches she loves so much and give her the best life I can !! Lock the house up changed the locks and out of here... You all have been great I haven't said any of this to anyone but children so it's been good for me that is ma making the right decisions... Karma my mom says what goes around will come back
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Tell your greedy sisters to give the house back!! Hate to see whats going to
happen when she passes. Good Luck.
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Very true... If she happens to go into a nh within the 5 years it revereses back to her. But she will never go into a home. Ever. Mom is self pay good insurance not on Medicaid... She just says the house it too big and wants to sell it.. I had to tell her she can't unless all agree.. And2 sisters won't
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Call Medicaid and tell them the situation and ask what will happen if she needs a NH within the five years. Can they put a lean on the property or will sisters and u be responsible for her care.

My girls have been told that the moneys we have put aside is for our care. My siblings all agree that Moms house will go for her care. This is how Medicaid looks at it. Why should the state carry the burden when there is a house that can be sold.
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contact your local area agency on aging, ask about any in home programs and caregiver programs they have. Her assets probably needs to be below $2000. in order for Medicaid to pick up, however there is usually a 'spend down' program where Medicaid will pick up costs after she spends a certain amount of funds. Don't hesitate to ask questions or utilize services out there. I don't know if she is ready for hospice, but they are also a resource. Good luck.
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There lawyer did it.. They did acquit claim leaving the house to us when she passes and split 4 ways... Mom can live in the house as long as she is alive... Then it is to be sold and split... Myself and the youngest sister want the house to be sold it is moms!! But 2 of the deed holders said no way!! Very sad it is my moms house.. I take care of her on 1184 a month thank goodness no morgage, but after I pay her bills for her she has a little over 100.00 not right! Not right!
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At 92 Wondering why a lawyer allowed the house to be transferred. There is a five year look back with Medicaid. They may still lose it. It was her asset. My aide has been sick so I gave my Mom her shower. Both she and I are exhausted. At 65 I know there is going to come a time she is going to need more care than I can give her. I just don't have the strength.
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