My mother is 71, still reasonably fit and healthy, and has just sold her home in an isolated area of another state to come and live with me, my husband and 2 year old son, while we build a granny flat for her. The plan was to have a separate dwelling ready before she moved in but her house sold unexpectedly soon and so she'll be living with us next week. She wants to contribute by helping with childcare and is expecting (but probably not really) to help out financially but I'm not sure how to work it out. I don't feel 100% okay about leaving her with my son for long periods as she can be easily distracted and doesn't pre-empt his hunger so I normally either have to pre-prepare meals for him (and her), or 'study' at home and inevitably cook for them both while I am supposed to be studying. So, I don't feel I should 'pay' her what I would pay a professional childcare (I wouldn't get government rebates for her care either) but I don't want to take advantage of her either. we have tried to discuss payment of the granny flat build but she seems to forget any suggestions other than her own desire to pay for it and 'own' it. Whereas my husband and I will always own the land, hope that it will be an investment in the long term, and therefore want to borrow the money to build it from her, and deduct an amount from those repayments to cover our costs. Also any ideas on how to set boundaries while she is in our main home would be appreciated: she has no wish for her privacy herself and doesn't understand that need in others, she is a hoarder and I am a minimalist, and she doesn't stop talking for much of the day, and kind of wants to do anything we do. She is so used to living on her own (she was a single mother all our lives, and my brother and I have been living independently of her for 20 years), that she 'forgets' to offer to pay the bill if we ever eat out together, doesn't volunteer to cook for us and I feel she frequently takes advantage of other people's hospitality... in spite of all this she is a very loving, fun and committed grandmother, and she and I are very close. I know it is not ideal for our relationship for her to live with me but she doesn't really have any other long term options. The money she got for her house wouldn't be enough to buy or rent anywhere else.