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I am an only child and she has basically been very controlling my whole life. I have very few friends and no family of my own. She drove me to work and cursed me out every morning for years because she did no want to do it. I have pretty low self esteem as a result of her comments over the years and recently we just fought all the time until she had cardiac arrest and is now tryin to weaned off a ventilator. I love her and would take care of her if I could but I stress easily and when she said tonight half of my money goes into that apartment so you could stay up here I got very upset. Her anxiety is hindering her progress so the nurses make fun of her and aren't willing to help. I feel overwhelmed as her sister is not even willing to visit for a week. It is all on me and my mother is starting to get just as mean as she was out of the hospital. I am really sleepy and this is starting to affect my work. She does not even want to me to go to the grocery store and actually says that when I get off I need to come straight to the hospital without any regards to the fact that I am over 35? She is also starting to be rude to me in front of the nurses when I do not understand what she is saying with the trach and to her friend who brings me to see her. At this rate, I will never get my driver's license. What do I do?

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Yes, want, it is ok to post that. We all have different ideas of what will help. Maybe a long walk would do as well.
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Certainly taking time to relax is very important, but may I suggest that since we do not know any of Anonymous25's family history, we might not recommend alcohol as a remedy? I'm new on the Forum. Is it appropriate for me to post this?
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Keep the bottle of wine handy. This calls for a second and maybe even a third six ounce glass.
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"Mom, do you want me to see if your finances can provide for a companion to sit with you sometimes? My limits going to be about thirty minutes a day. I've neglected the house. Don't have any down time. It's beginning to show at work. I've got to cut down on my time here. What do you.think?"

Shut your ears for the short lecture/guilt trip sure to follow...stay your thirty minutes...then go home and soak in a bubble bath with a 6-ounce glass of wine.

She can only make you feel guilty if you let her.

So stop letting her.
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1.Get yourself to a therapist. Do a search online tonight and call for an appointment first thing tomorrow.

2.Skip visiting mom tomorrow. She's in the hospital...she'll be fine.

3. Talk to the discharge planners about sending her to rehab.

4. Practise saying " I couldn't possibly do that, mom".
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Mom had a heart attack. Most likely she will have another one. You need to prepare yourself for a life of your own. Tell mom if she wants company that she can hire a caregiver for that and remind her that she is not going to be around forever and you need to prepare yourself. What is she needs a nursing home after this hospitalization? What are your plans?
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Id seek counseling. This is ridiculous. In fact schedule it for after work so you have an excuse not to see her. You have to get your own life seperate from her and perhaps a counselor can help you with this. Best wishes- I feel bad for those with mom issues. I took care of mine but they still have ways of pushing those buttons. They are very well practiced. I'm at the point where I consider God my parent and my mom is just a person I know that raised me and as a service to the Lord I help my mom.
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Dear you are suffering from years and years of abuse at the hands of your mother. At 35 you should be able to drive, have a life of your own, work, and do what makes you happy. You have learned to put your mother's needs first. You say you love your mother and that is wonderful considering how hard she is to love. But you must also love yourself enough to not let this emotional vampire suck you dry.

You need professional help as soon as possible. You need someone to show you how to climb out of the crazy making your mother has put you through. You are young. Seek help now while you have a chance to have a fulfilling life. No one except your mother will blame you and as far as I am,concerned she doesn't count at this point.
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Sometimes we do things we don't really want to do due to some internal issues. It sounds like this internal issue is longstanding between you and your mom. It may be that you need to get some therapy to sort it out.

Your life and your decisions are important and you deserve to make these decisions on your own. I'd put building my confidence and independence as a priority and work on it. After you do that, you might find it easier to assert yourself with your mom.

I think that most people would stay with mom at the hospital for a reasonable amount of time and then when you need to go, tell her. She'll be fine at the hospital. If this bothers you, I'd try to get some help to work through it.
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Leave as soon as she gets rude. Grab your coat and leave. She will catch on that you leave as soon as she is nasty. Only you can stop the cycle of abuse.
Make plans for your own future, because if she ends up in a nursing home, you may have to pay all the rent on your own.
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The nurses won't give in to her unreasonable demands so she expects you to do it instead. You are 35 and have a job, there is no reason you can't live an independent life. Get some therapy to help you understand why you have let yourself be chained to this bitter, controlling woman.
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Do what you want to do, within reason. If you don't want to stay with your mother around-the-clock while she's in the hospital that's reasonable. Don't stay. Visit her when you can. Take your life back from the clutches of this sick old woman.
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