My mother who lives independently is a very emotionally needy codependent person. A long time ago we were very close, but things developed over the course of the years that caused a rift in our relationship. My mother cannot understand why we cannot have the relationship we use to have or how she could change to make our relationship closer. I don't want to be close to her because I never want to be used or taken avantage of ever again. I put up those emotional barriers to be able to continue having any relationship with her. I let those barriers down for a year after my stepfather died, but lo and behold her neediness came back stronger than ever and back up went the barriers. Why can't she accept what we have and leave it at that. I have not abandoned her and I try to help her with some of her needs. I just chose not be be emotional close to her for my own well being and I certainly don't need to explain myself to her over and over. Whatever we had is gone and cannot be regained. I was thinking about seeing her more often, but after that phone conversation about trying to get close again, I have decided no way, I will continue my safe distance and help when the need arises.