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I am her POA. When I visited her today, she was in a nasty mood; complaining that she did not like the facility, and said she wanted to leave. There is no other place for her to go. She is at a level 3 assisted living because she is wheelchair bound and needs total care after falling and breaking her hip in a previous ALF. (I wrote this story to AgingCare.com a few months ago). Now, fast forward today. She is in a better ALF that is smaller and provides more care bc there is a 1:7 staff to resident ratio. I know she will have an adjustment period and this type of behavior is expected, but I need help in coping with her moodiness. She has mild dementia from a brain aneurysm several years ago. She has circulation problems and atrial fibrillation and is morbidly obese. She lived with me for two years, and I have provided care to her for 7 years with the help of my brother, who was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and has six months to one year to live. I am getting burned out; I work full time; and ALF or nursing home are the only options. What are your suggestions for coping with a very difficult situation?

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My mom's mood would perk up with sugar free chocolates. They were not necessarily good for her, but it was kind of a QOL vs longevity situation, as is yours. Some people get more mileage from apple juice, cramberry juice, coconut products or any sort. Meds can be tried but will not always work and will sometimes be limited by side effects or even start working backwards. Do what you can that might give her a ray of sunshine, but you are right you can't fix the whole situation and that might be what it would really take to really make her happy...if even that would work!!
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Thanks! She was on Lamictal, Lexapro, and Ativan prn but each time she is hospitalized and transfers to a rehab and/or ALF, the meds change. I just had this conversation last night with the RN at the new facility. It's been a rocky road for her the past year. Her overall quality of life is reduced now, and I feel guilty wishing that God would have mercy and take her before she suffers more. I had an epiphany last night, though, because I realized that my job is to make sure all of her needs are met, but it is not my responsibility to make her happy. I will validate her feelings and try to be supportive; and I will try not to personalize any of her nastiness. Nobody likes being in an ALF or nursing home; I pray that she will come to terms with her situation and accept what is the current new norm. There is only so much I can do for her.
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Ask about medication for her, antidepressants for a starter. The MD may be resistant at first, but if she acts out in the ALF, she will end up in a locked unit. Get yourself a good check up too, head to toe.
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