We are asking my wife's Mother to pay us $2000 a month to live in our home and be taking care of 24/7. Any opinion?

Your MIL thinks that she is being taken advantage of: why do you think she thinks that? Is she comparing the $2000 per month with what her household expenses were when she lived independently? I should ask her what amount she does think would be fair and take the discussion from there.

My mother worked two jobs to raise me so I would feel odd taking moey from her . There is no way for me to see her as roomate as she is first and foremost my mother except posibly to redo my condo with a walk in shower et.and rent get a storage nuit for my stuff as I would want her to bring her favorite sofa and chatrs and least one set of her china. She is in assisted living now and it started out expensive and has gotten a LOT mores so ias they are now insisting on all the residents paying for a prerequisite of personal services whether they use them or not. So her draw down money will not last more than a year or two. I'm trying to save so I can add an aditional $1,000 a month into her account but sometimes it does feel like it would be simpler to have her live with me.

ENelson, the question is not when U.S. It beneficial, rather when is it acceptable to the IRS. I believe they require you support a dependent by a minimum of 50% of their financial needs in order to be able to claim them. They also gave done other requrements

Question ?: What situation would be beneficial for my husband and I to claim my mother as a dependent verses her just living with us?

I agree with the other posters. See an eldecare lawyer. Think long and hard if you want mom to live with you. If she is causing a problem now with the money, just think how much problems she will cause later on. I think $2000 is very reasonable. But it is hard work to have an elderly person in your home. $2000 is probably not enough.

Overall, let's not try to judge, as each case is different. It all depends on what the elder and the caregiver decide.

I know if my parents were to move in with me, they would volunteer to pay for their care, down to the last penny. The reason I know this is that no matter how small an item I buy for them using my own money, they will quickly repay me, even if I say no.... but that's my parents, I don't expect all parents to do the same.

If your home is fully reenovated for including a walk in shower and ramps --and if you've made arangments for her to have a decent exercise program, then try it. Why not? Personally, I rent a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo and my mother stays on the weekends but there is no way i could make this place safe enough for longer stays

We have done exactly that with my mother in law. $2000 is half her retirement income. She has Alzheimer's. I stay with her 6 days a week all day from wake up till her bedtime, 12-13 hours a day, sometimes 7 days a week. I take her to all her appointments, she pays no bills, no co pays, if she needs anything it comes out of our pockets. We take her on our family vacation with us and out to eat with us. She never pays for anything. We cover it all based on what we take from her monthly. Her ADLs are ok right now as far as bathing, mobility and toilet issues but we know what is coming. We will be giving up our master bedroom when it is necessary. I have absolutely no qualms at all about banking half her income. It does a lot to mitigate resentment knowing there is a nest egg growing in case of an emergency for my family and also knowing that for the same type of care she would be robbed of every dime by a facility. When she was of sounder mind she was absolutely in favor. If anyone of my husband's siblings want to complain, I will help pack her up when they come to take over this heartbreaking job of mine.

Asking a relative, Mothers or Fathers for that money is horrible. Some day you might be sorry. My sister in law and my brothers took over the estate, that was suppose to be a trust, cashed in all the assets, used the court to interdict my previous Mother right after they ended my Father's life. My sister and I spent most of our inheritance, that we paid the lawyers did not help at all. Getting our share back from the Annuity Companies was only successful with two of the annuities including one Agent in Baton Rouge who helped them with the forgeries and many other deceptions of the court. The lawyers kept my sister & I quiet while my brothers took all the money. Even Louisiana Elderly Protection helped them. We could not get anyone to help us protect my parents and the estate. They further used their State jobs to consult with in order to remove prescriptions, tell the doctors what to do, plain murder.

Jojochocho, it's nice you can work full-time. Do you pay someone to care for your Mom all the time you're working? If so, you know how expensive it is. If not, you're mother is not in the same situation as most of these people on this site and does not need 24/7 care and attention. Greedy is not a word that describes anyone who gives up their life to care for an elderly, infirmed, helpless patent.

WOW! I cannot believe some of the responses on here! What greedy, ungrateful, selfish people! I am my mother's sole caregiver. I work full time from home (which includes mandatory overtime and being on call. I also have Lupus. My mom contributes what she can...period. And those other people b*tching about your siblings, be glad you have them. My only sibling died at age 44 and I would do anything to have him back....even if he didn't do diddly to help,

Pleeeease don,t make MY mistake...we love our parents and want

I don't see a problem with her contributing is she's able. I have cared for my 85 yo mom for 4 years with my brother having her visit only once last year for a week while I traveled for work and once this year for 2 weeks while I caught up on work and my own medical issues- all stress related. He said she couldn't visit anymore because of the stress on he and his nonworking wife. ??? My mom wants to write a will that leaves nothing to him, but I won't let her. I probably should let her help with expenses but I don't fully knowing my brother will get half of everything while doing nothing. It's not fair but I have accepted I made the decision to care for her so I have to live with it. I do let her contribute for food.

Unless your mother-in-law is destitude, I see no reason for her not to contribute toward household expenses.

You've asked her to move into your home? What is her age and level of assistance needed? (ie) Can she still fix her own meals, drive a car? Will she need to sell her home or is she currently renting?

During my mother's general 'age-related decline' in her 80s I didn't feel comfortable asking for monitary compensation for simple tasks of doctor appts., meds mgmt., shopping. By doing those things - my mother was able to make short, close trips for herself. It kept her more active & alert. After her first stroke, the tasks became 24/7. That's when it became problematic.

Since she feels the amount is too high, she must not feel that she needs that much 'care'. With the information provided, my questions would be; Does she even think she needs care? If she thinks $2K/mo is too high, what does she think is fair?

I know the state of Del inspects all the time.

When Mom was in rehab the lady across the hall had someone there 24/7. People slept over.

Cetude, not ALL nursing homes are terrible places. My mom spent her last weeks in a very good one, where the staff cared for her far better than we ever could have done at home. I also watched them kindly deal the long-term resident across the hall, who was nasty nasty to everyone. Not hard to see why her family didn't visit her...

That's true freqflyer. You are essentially forfeiting your life for your parent. But also realize nursing homes are horrible places where abuse and neglect is fairly common, and the stress does not end impounding your loved on in there. They will always want to go home. That's why lawyers tell people to visit one's loved one(s) frequently...very frequently. Even daily. The staff will know they are being watched.

Your Social Security is effected too. They go back 35 yrs at time of retirement. If u didn't work that complete or partial time tha amount u receive will be less if u worked the entire time.

Food for thought... here are some things to think about if one is trying to decide whether to quit work to care for an aging parent.... on average if a working person quits work he/she will lose, over the years, between $285,000 and $325,000 which includes not only loss of salary, it also includes the net worth loss of the health insurance; loss of money being put into social security/ Medicare; loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k); profit sharing; etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]

I agree you need a caregiver's contract so you need to see an eldercare attorney; further, you need to see a tax lawyer and setting up a corporate tax because this is considered income and you will have to pay taxes on it. It's complicated.

I see no problem with a parent paying towards their room and board. The suggestion about Medicaid looking back is good. Call ur local office and explain the situation see what they say. Since u said she can well afford it, maybe u should hire people for her care. This would be an allowable expense. It would also free up some time for you.

Been there, done that without contribution from Mom. She took care of her meds and we provided everything else. I know we are blessed with our lifestyle, children grown and it was never a consideration to do it any other way. Every family situation is different and you must decide what you can do and are comfortable with doing. Good luck!

Dean - ok im going to go out on a limb here on guessing the subtext of all this, so MIL is 100 and old school tight with her comfortable nest egg and she hated the place she was in so you all brought her to live with you & her daughter; it has turned into a constant cycle of increasing costs and needs for her; you & your bride are fully retired with a fixed income and have had some what of a offset of income to your investment profile due to 2010/14 market downturns; it would be nice to get Mil to contribute $ she has as totally spendable income & assets but she is balking at opening her purse and mom is a large personality in her relationship to your wife.....is this kinda right? So how to deal with mil is the??

My mother lives with us and there are expenses that come up, deductibles, incontinence supplies, pharmacy, vitamins, expecially if I find it on sale. We go ahead and front the bills and try to keep up with the expenses then get reinbursed later up I don't always remember it all. Or like a grown child that comes home and pays rent you can put it aside until the need it to like move back out.

is you home set up fopr the lid of care she oud get n a facility/ Do you have q handicapped shower.?Will she have a fall necklace.? (I guarnatee you and your wife will want some time alone to go to a move, shop etc.) Do you have a plan for her to get exercise, socialize with other seniors? If its just about the money, this could go wrong a hundred ways. Room and board is not all you need to help her cognitive skills.

My Mom gives my husband and I $600.00 a month. She is completely dependent on us for care. She buys her own meds and personal supplies. She has lived with us for 8 years. We welcome her contribution and she feels good about helping. The most difficult part of care giving is taking a break and how to pay for help. I cannot leave her alone. Good luck to you all.

My aunt moved in with me almost two years ago. I use receipts to back up any payments. I divide household expenses. I can afford to charge her nothing. My aunt blew all her money and does not qualify for medicaid. If you fairly did the research for the care you give simply show it to her and let her decide where to live. You really should have made the financial agreement first.

We moved mom in with us 9 yrs ago. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We sold her house and built a MIL suite onto our home. When she got to the point where she could not be left alone, my wife had to quit work to stay home with her.
Instead of charging her r&b she helps with the bills and pays for groceries on occasion. My brother, from several states away, is more than OK with that. Between her SS, pension and annuity checks she is OK and happy. Had she gone into a ASL or NH she would have broke by now. There is nothing wrong and accepting financial help from a disabled parent if they can afford it. All family members know she is being taken care of and is loved.