We are asking my wife's Mother to pay us $2000 a month to live in our home and be taking care of 24/7. Any opinion?

I see no problem with that. You will be there as an aid, I assume she will have meals either with you, or made by you. My MIL built a room onto my SIL's home for herself with a bed/bath. She also pays 1/2 of the utilities and food.

Myself? I wouldn't dream of asking one of my kids to care for me in the first place. If for some reason that is what happened that child would be paid to provide my care. Why? Because I cared for my mom for four years 24/7 and it was financially devastating. I plan to prepare my POA and define what that payment to my child would look like.

It's her mother! I can see if she can pitch in some money each month that's fair. But come on! Don't rob the old lady blind! I think the children should take care of their parents. Remember one day we will all be in their shoes, do you want your kids to treat you that way? What we reap we sow.

This post is three years old. If someone has a new question or situation to discuss, you will get more meaningful responses if you start your own thread, instead of continuing to tack on to this one.

Pepsi46 doesn't seem to have a clue what it really costs to take care of a person in need of daily assistance. But then perhaps the couple considering it don't have a clue, either.
Providing a home for such a relative is expensive, even if the house or apartment already meets the needs. Anyone considering taking in a relative should read a lot of the questions and answers provided in AgingCare.com!
It's important to recognize that taking in a relative who needs daily assistance is an enormous responsibility, and an expensive one. Food is a small part of it. If one cannot afford daily aides to help, at least one should find a way to have someone come in regularly to provide respite for the caregiver and a change of pace for the cared-for person. Transportation is or will become a regular essential.
Remember, too, that not only the one needing care ages; so do the caregivers - faster than if they were not doing heavy labor for the cared-for one. The walker must be replaced by a wheelchair. The wheelchair gradually becomes too heavy for the caregiver to lift. Incontinence is a problem for many; some elderly can manage this themselves amazingly well, some need as much help as an infant or toddler, as agility and mental acuity fade.
CARING is the most important ingredient for successful caregiving.
But the needs are so much more!
Lucky relatives who need help and those who want to give it have enough money for a good assisted living (and sometimes eventually a good nursing home) - and the capacity for very regular visits, chances to get away often for an hour or a day, and something to do that's interesting on a regular basis.

If your Mom is just elderly, and in pretty good health, ( no dementia,etc) if I were her, I would pack my things and move to a nice Florida condo. You charging your own mother $ 2,000 a month, I find that disgraceful. I would rather die alone than be with relatives who are only put forvmy money.

This post is three years old.

Over $5000 for assisted living? Wow. So you're in an expensive area - or MIL needs a lot of extra assistance in an assisted home. As several pointed out, a good eldercare lawyer can save you and her and other relatives a world of trouble. Don't overlook the possibility that she may live for years more. In the facility where I live, there are a little over 400 residents about half in Independent Living and half in Assisted; fifteen (15!) are centenarians - some in Independent living.
Whatever care she needs now may increase slowly - or suddenly. And time will affect your own energies and health.

Will $2000 cover the cost of a regular or occasional aide? If assisted living is already the only other option, she needs at least a 24-hour/day presence of someone to look after her - perhaps a sitter, or perhaps someone with training; consider that in advance.

Meanwhile, don't overlook the need for socialization - hers, yours, your wife's. You all need to have things to do besides caring and being cared. And all three of you need to see and be with other people on a regular basis - whether every day or every week, depending on how sociable each of you is, what's available (in terms of places, transport, interest).

If her resentment over paying 'rent' (which apparently must include some or a lot of caregiving) cannot be overcome, then be sure there will be many other problems besides the time and care required.
When caregiving a relative, money is only a small portion of the cost and the benefits.

If you do undertake the full-time caregiving, do it with your eyes open.

(I grew up with my grandfather in the home; and I had my mother with me for 3 years, and my mother-in-law for a year. It was right for each of us then - but would not want it for my 'children' or myself now. Visits are precious; full-time living together is very much more complicated.)

I also felt you should never charge a parent to take care of them. Then my mother in law needed to go on SSI. I had to charge her (or at least say I was charging her) a certain amount for her to get the SSI. And saying "being on a limited income and it would be a huge help" is just being honest. It's a crazy world we live in.

Why are you charging her so much? Be careful, she could bounce you out of the will!

If this is to be permanent then it is not unreasonable for a third member of the household to pay for a third of the expenses if she has the cash available. This may be a more acceptible solution to mom because she will know exactly where the money is going. As it is your mother I don't think you should just regard this as extra income.
As has been advised consult an elder care lawyer to see what your obligations are. Naturally when Mom needs additional care it will be her responsibility to pay for that if she can.
Another option would be for mom to transfer a sum of money to you when she moves in to cover her for an agreed upon number of years. As long as you keep it seperate for five years and she needs medicaid you won't have to give it back but don't spend it.
I am not sure that having mom pay rent will not be seen as taxable income. I am a Landlord and every penny of rents I recieve is viewed as income.
This was a old post so no doubt a solution has been found by now.

I live in New York City. In my neighborhood the rent for a studio apartment is $1800 a month. Renting a single room might be $800 a month--but sometimes you don't get access to the kitchen! A health care aide will charge $25/hour. Some aides will charge $1000 a week to provide 24/7 care. BUT BUT they will be dosing or sleeping for 7 or 8 hours because no one can stay up 6 days in a row. I paid an agency $25/hour for night time care for my husband. It worked out to about a thousand dollars a week. In your area housing may be cheaper. I don't think you are greedy at all.

Don't listen to the meanies who feel you should look after your mum for free. But do make sure you can track what is paid out of the money coming from her and keep all receipts, however small.

If you write it up as rent, and she's in your home, then you will not need to pay taxes on it because that is tax free

Wow! This lady is lucky to be able to hand over $2,000/month to live there. My poor (not a pun) late mother wouldn't have been able to as her income was only $1,223/month.

Invite your mom to talk with an elder law attorney in your state, so she can learn more about levels of care, the value of planning to stay in the least restrictive living setting (such as a private home), and your role as housing provider and potentially as care provider.

If the new living situation works out, you will be providing services that can save your mother from a nursing home admission.

Without a written rental and caregiver agreement, you may be setting yourself up for unnecessary problems.

A Caregiver Contract recognizes and rewards the time and effort that you give to care, shows your mother the tasks and services she is paying for, and it helps to prevent arguments and misunderstandings among other family members who can't or won't help.

Without a written agreement, your mother could be disqualified from Medicaid coverage if she needs nursing home care in the future. Medicaid could consider payments to family members as "disqualifying transfers."

An Elder Law Attorney in your state can prepare a Caregiver Contract that is compliant with Medicaid regulations in your state, to document the compensation and services in a format that your mother would understand now, and that the Medicaid agency would accept in the future.

You can focus your energy on her needs and minimize the impact on your physical health and financial well being if your role is clearly understood. You are performing a valuable service, well worth the compensation.

Here is an article on how Personal Care Agreements Can Compensate Family Caregivers:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/personal-care-agreements-compensate-family-caregivers-181562.htm

My mother just passed away in March. I had a caregiver in which, was paid by her VA benefits aid and attendance. I cut down to part time and that took away my earnings in half and I paid myself for that half missing. I don't have the guilt because in my heart I took great care of my mom. My aunt was in a nursing facility and had to be moved out because, she was needing more care, it was 4,000 and went up to 7,000 per month. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for paying yourself with your parents money. A lot of cultures have their parents live with them and they help each other financially.

In the end I think you'll regret the decision to do it at all, the money won't be worth the stress of a 24/7 commitment

Eldercare Lawyer said choose so much a month for income, to be claimed for my taxes, or make a legal Care agreement, such as a percentage of groceries and utilities. Other things can go in that agreement, such as fully paying for outside caregivers, and transportation. Every situation is different, and each elder has differing resources. Get legal help.

Even if the thread goes back a couple of years, the topic is pertinent one way or another to all of us. My parents passed when I was relatively young, so that was not an issue; my FIL lived with us for years, my MIL most of her last year. We were fortunately able to deal with it without too much hassle; MIL was on SSI and whatever coverage she had was able to cover the aide we had for her. However--I am 76, still working, not making a lot but downsizing the business. Sold most of the assets over the last 12 years since my husband's death; now live with a daughter but pay my own food and basic expenses, have been saving against future living expenses, but don't know what the future really holds. My kids are cooperative, all very legally and financially savvy, so we deal with whatever as we can.
That said, situations vary widely. In the original posting, the situation was that the mom had income and assets such that the $2000/month was easily doable for her, and the daughter could NOT afford any extra expense on her own. Emotions aside, this seems obvious; this is why the mom had assets--to live on, not to hoard and live off a daughter that couldn't afford to support her. It might have been a good idea to check on the cost of private board and care homes in their area to get a feel for an appropriate amount--or even as a possible alternative; this is pretty much as similar a situation as there is. If the mother were broke and the kids had plenty, that's a whole different answer.

There is nothing wrong with parents paying children and contributing to household expenses. Most parents would agree. Though if all siblings were contributing equally to care, I could understand no payment. I cared for mom for four years sibs wanted to preserve their inheritance rather than paying me. Thought assisted living would be cheaper. They caused me so much stress I decided to return to my life, it was actually rebuilding it and I am still working on it two years later.

Mom's expenses last month were over $12,000.00. Now isn't it worth keeping them at home and paying a family member for care? If you can get a family member to agree on a lesser amount.

u r going to charge your mother in law to take care of her??? unreal. and this is ok with your wife?? me and two brother took care of our 92 year old mom till she passed from pulmonary embolism and alzheimers, would not have even thought of charging her since she took care of us when we were small. now we have to sell the family home of 35 years, that is the nightmare. and of mom no longer with us, would never even think about charging her to take care of her.

I do not feel it is unreasonable to ask MIL to contribute to the household expenses by paying "Rent" As others have said having a proper contract in place when money changes hands is important. paying 1/3 of utility bills and home insurance seems very reasonable and contributing to the cost of food.
If she needs extra nursing type care then she can hire the aides herself.
Just because she has the money to pay for assisted living does not necessarily mean she has to pay you so much. After all you agreed to take her in in the first place.

What's her monthly income? Does she even make $2000 each month? You really don't want to take her whole check and rip her off, that just wouldn't be right. Yes, figure up room and board along with her food, toiletries, and other mandatory expenses but don't rip her off or take advantage of her. Taking her whole check is doing just that but charging a fair price and leaving her some money for herself is fair enough

Wondering how Sheenaz is doing now?? My mom worked two jobs two sometimes three to take care of me while I was growing up because my dad chose not to. They have been divorced 42 years and now both live at the same assisted living, my mom gets 90 bucks a month to spend, as well as my dad. When they need more money my husband and I pitch in. I'm always more than happy to help my mom with my dad who chose to live by making wrong choices that's another deal for me but I do it. When u woke this am first thing I think about is taking care of my parents and what they need today at assisted-living ( probably nothing because they get extremely good care there). Constantly worry now about getting old like them, I am now 54, and worried that my children are going to go through I kind of worry I experience every day all day long. And the thought popped into my head about people that choose to not have children for whatever reason. I admire them for their choice just like I would want them to admire me for having two children of my own. This whole process of moving my divorced parents into assisted living at different times has been the most difficult thing I have ever done but also made my husband and I realize to get our crap in order. Our two kids won't have to make these difficult decisions because it will be written down and all the legal stuff done etc. etc. I think Sheenaz wasn't judging all of us at all, when you read everybody's different experiences it is overwhelming.

I'm with you Countrymouse. My parents took care of me, struggled for me and my siblings. I did everything I could for my dad after his stroke till he passed. I never received a salary as it were.

In my family, there was an offer of a salary to take care of my grandmother but even with the offer of money, no one was willing to sacrifice their time and effort for her. She ended up in assisted living. Its a struggle in all families. It depends on so many factors. If the parents are able and willing to pay and the financial status of the kids. Its a tough one.

Oh not this old chestnut again! - I didn't have fifty years in which to come up with a financial plan before my mother looked after me, did I?

Fed to the back teeth with this ridiculous false analogy.

Your Mother Never Charged you to live with her for at least 18 Years, Why are you going to charge her ?

Hi, this question is two years old.

I agree with Ismiami. If your mother helps out financially everyone will feel better about the entire arrangement. If she doesn't help out financially you will begin to resent her. It is a very confining way to live. She is fortunate to have family that can help her.