She ended up with 24-hour care because she was having panic attacks and using her medical alert button to get someone to come right now instead of waiting 15 minutes for her morning caregiver to show up. She went to the ER for no reason. She doesn't have the financial resources to keep home care 24/7. There are several communities in our area where she can have a fine place to live for half the cost. She is spoiled and doesn't do much for herself. Her dementia is advancing rapidly as well. I'm not sure she would grasp the concept of "you can't afford this any more". And that's the only way I can see of approaching this. She's continually making comments like "You're just going to throw me away". We have been procrastinating this discussion and it cannot wait any longer.

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jisen2012, elders who are in their 90's are scared to move elsewhere . The reason being is that way back then elders with memory issues went into an asylum, not a very welcoming place. Your Mom may not realize that today's "continuing care" facilities are now very different.

And you are so right about the cost, I know my Dad [also in his 90's] cut his care bill in half by moving into Independent Living, a 2 bedroom apartment. It was a big move going from a house with a lot of stairs. Dad was ready, he was getting tired trying to maintain a house, lawn mowed, snow shoving, property taxes, utility costs, yada, yada, yada.

Dad felt less stress with the move having his day time Caregiver with him. She helped him pick out what furniture he wanted to take, including his 200 books and all his bookcases. I made a floor plan, I wanted to make sure we could set up Dad's bedroom similar to what he had in the house.

Dad kept his day time Caregiver as he could still budget her cost, and it gave him a routine. It was good for Dad to see a familiar face each morning.

After Dad's dementia was advancing, he moved next door to Memory Care. He also brought along his morning Caregiver. He really loved the attention of the Staff. And how he loved the food. Now, Memory Care was a studio apartment, I joked with Dad saying it was the size of a single college dorm. And with dementia, the Staff said that the residents liked the studio size room as they can see all their possessions without worrying that someone is in another room going through their things.

If possible take Mom for a tour. Maybe tell her you are helping out a friend and you wanted Mom's opinion on the place. The tour usually includes a free lunch. Who knows, she might recognize someone she knows :)
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Start by getting her seen for the anxiety and depression that are often part and parcel of dementia. A geriatric psychiatrist is a good person to have on your team.

Are you saying she's alone for a bit in morning? Consider how a child of three feels when left alone, and you will be close to understanding the level of panic she is experiencing. She needs meds for that.

Do you have POA? I think I'd try the approach of " the doctor says you need to..." or " the doctor wants you to..." would that approach work?
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