I agree with the others but you could als say that she must miss him terribly. Ask her what it's like to see him. What he says to her.How it feels to see him. What is her favorite memory with him. Get her talking. Sometimes it's a coping skill.
My experience was a little different in that at times Mom thought I was my Dad...and he passed in 1975. It was upsetting at first but I dealt with it by just going along and answering her questions as if I were him. If that made her happy it was ok with me. Not easy for me...none of this is...but that appear worked.
I agree with going along with hallucinations and delusions, unless they are painful to the person having them.
I don't agree that seeing a loved one is a sign the end is near. My husband saw his late brother very early in the disease, about 10 years before he died. That is because in the progression of the kind of dementia he had, hallucinations typically come first. When a person sees loved ones from his past probably depends a lot on how the dementia is progressing. It could be any time.
TOTALLY validate what she sees!! Depending on your relationship with mom, heres a few ideas that might get you thinking of some snappy comebacks. "isnt it nice to see dads face everyday?, I find it comforting.", or more humorously, "yeh mom, isnt that neat,? do you know what it wouldve cost us to have his image printed up? dad gave us a freebie!" or "He loves you so much he is still keeping an eye on you, isnt that comforting/deep love?." Or "til death do us part was part of your vows, guess he kept his word and isnt going anywhere yet.", "I hope I have someone that still loves me enough to stick around when Im 93".....
If its not comforting, offer to place something else on the wall(s) where she sees the image.After 23 years, I dont think the images are going anywhere, so the old expression "if you cant beat em, join em" might offer you some comfort. My mom would bring things up that she was in disagreement with my dad over (several years after he passed). The first time I said hes dead and that did nothing to help the discussion. The next time I presented a logical counter argument that he would have made in as close to his words as I could come up with, and she finally gave up the topic after being reminded ("remember dad said...") a few times that day. The more it sounded like dads words, the more comforted she became..... Does she have memory deficits or is shes "ok" other than seeing dad's images?
Ask if it is comforting to see him. Have a conversation about her memories of him. Start with how they met. There is an App- Story Corps I believe, that can hep with conversations with the elderly.
The answers concerning hallucinations in dementia are good, but the first thing I thought of when I read this was Charles Bonnet syndrome, which is related to vision loss.
Well, it sure doesn't necessarily mean the end is near. My mom's been seeing writing in the air, writing on walls, on pillows, etc. She talks constantly to people not there. She actually talks totally sensibly to me or others one minute and to her imaginary buddies (or hecklers) the next. When things get unpleasantly rowdy for both of us, I bring her back to the present, and she always thanks me. If it gets funny, we both laugh.
My mom, who just passed recently, kept saying she was seeing babies, so I would sometimes be walking through the living room and she'd gasp, saying,'Oooh, you almost stepped on her/him!' I finally started joking with her, saying,'You know, we really oughtta do something about these people leaving all these babies laying around!' That kind of diverted the attention to the fact that she was seeing things, while not telling her that she was. But sometimes it was creepy when she would point next to me and say that this one must like me cuz its smiling at me. Just humor the occurence, while not patronizing the person.
At one time my mom was seeing a lady she didn't recognize standing in the corner of the room. The lady would always stand in the same corner, peacefully, and just watch what was going on in the room. This continued on and off for several days before I realized the "lady" was a reflection in a glass cabinet door. Open the door slightly and the lady disappeared. Vola' ..
cwillie, can you tell me more about the Charles Bonnet syndrome; my mom started seeing people as well; upset my dad to no end, but I ran across this when researching her eye problems she was having but her eye doctor didn't have a clue what I was talking about, so I didn't know what to do
Having worked in the medical field for 30 plus years,yes patients would see loved ones and see angels.Does not mean it is the end.Allot of times the patient would be trying to reach for the image(s).I had one nasty lady die with the most angry scared expression.Others very peaceful and smiling.Does not necessarily mean it is the end.Do not argue just go along with it and if it is her time she will be happy and peaceful.Good luck and God bless.
Say.. Tell him I said hi and I love him That must be a comfort to you He must really love you to come and say hi If seeing him gives her comfort or it does not seem to upset her there really is no harm in going along. If it upsets her then you might want to discuss it with her doctors
If you're a spiritual person, you understand the 'fine line' between this life and the other side. And you realize that it could be narrowed in alzheimers/dementia. My grandmother once told our family she saw her sister. (Who had already been gone for many years.) My uncle made a joke of it, asked 'Is she still in that big brass box we bought her?' Everyone laughed but me. I choose to believe they sometimes see more than we do.
Debdaughter, it is probably best to get info by doing a web search in order to get a clearer understanding if this applies. From the CNIB site: "Charles Bonnet Syndrome (CBS) is a common condition among people with serious vision loss characterized by temporary visual hallucinations. "CBS hallucinations tend to begin in the months immediately following a loss of sight. Hallucinations can be very distressing, but aren’t usually permanent. Symptoms generally decrease in frequency after about a year to 18 months, although some people may have the condition for five years or more. "Images can appear at any time and can last from just a few seconds to several minutes. "People with CBS hallucinations are usually aware that what they’re seeing is not real. CBS hallucinations only affect sight, which means that people with CBS don't hear, smell or feel things that aren't there."
My mother did the same thing after my dad past. It made her smile, she loved and missed him so much. We went along with her, who is to say she didn't see him. If it brings her comfort so be it.
cwillie, that's how I found out about it in the first place; I ran across it in doing research on mom's vision loss from her eye problems because it did seem to happen within a few months after she lost her sight - or pretty much all of it - and it was distressing, but since the whole thing was somewhat gradual, it's hard to pinpoint how long it was but it does seem like we quit hearing about it after a point so maybe it did just go away, but, still, her eye doctor that we asked about it didn't have any idea what we were talking about. And, yes, that was somewhat what was distressing to her, is that she seemed to be somewhat aware that what she was seeing wasn't real, so then what was going on; I was glad to find out about the CB syndrome, just wish the doctors would have known; think that would have helped - thanks
My MIL used to see my FIL sitting in a chair by her bed in the nursing home. We would just agree and not pursue the matter much farther than that. If your mom starts to obsess about seeing your dad's images, it may be time to speak with her doctor.
I agree with jeannegibbs. Seeing a dead relative does not mean imminent death. My mom has taken to "seeing" different relatives, including my dad, in the last 3 months or so. Now I'm not God, but she seems quite healthy physically and does not seem like she will be leaving the planet really soon. I agree that it is the dementia and the general moving backward into the past. Try to go along with whatever your mom is seeing/saying as much as possible. The challenge with that approach is keeping your own insanity intact!! LOL. Good luck.
If she has dementia, I agree with all of the excellent suggestions above. It's best to 'live in their world' as much as possible. If she doesn't have dementia, or has any other types of hallucinations too, think about what meds she is on - is there any one med that is relatively new - like the last few months? Some meds have hallucinations as a side effect. Some diseases do too. But otherwise, it doesn't hurt to just "go" with it. It will be more comforting to her, and sometimes people do see their loved ones who have gone on when it's getting close to time for them to meet them.
My 94 y/o mother with dementia also sees writing in the air, writing on walls, on pillows, etc. She also talks constantly to people not there. She actually talks totally sensibly to me or others one minute and to her imaginary buddies (or hecklers) the next. She has a very involved relationship with her godmother (who has been deceased for decades) and whom she believes is buying her a new grand piano, others from her past, and also some imaginary man whom she is going to marry and his family. While uncomfortable the problem is these conversations call her to act - like they have asked me to their house and I have to leave now, or they are waiting for me downstairs. We take her out to see/meet them because she becomes so insistent and (obviously) there is no one there, which is upsetting to her. She they shifts into a conversation with them where they tell her they had to leave or will be back later. The calling her to action is actually a safety concern because I they ask her to meet downstairs sometimes at night. She now has 24 hour aides, some deal ok and others (though supposedly trained) get freaked out or wiggy about it. I am a person of faith and I do believe in the after-life and communion of saints, so I wonder at times, but I do not believe that loving deceased relatives would call her to do something that is unsafe and that it is delusions. Mom gets very angry when I cannot go along with the delusions due to practical safety issues. I then become the outsider intent on keeping her from happiness. It has been an increasingly difficult issue since it is making her less cooperative and compliant. Mom did have a UTI for which she was hospitalized for 2 weeks, however she has not recovered from the delusions, despite medications. Has anybody dealt with the delusions calling the elderly dementia person to some kind of action or plans? How to stay on her good side without compromising her safety? Thanks!
My mom had Lewy Body dementia and 'saw' lots of people from the past, or at least swore they were living in the house, unseen. If the back bedroom door was ever shut, she said people from work were sleeping there, or my brother, or her parents, or even people on tv. Just smile and nod, change the subject. No use arguing. Even if you can get them to agree 'dad' died years ago, he will still show up again.
Hello. I had a friend whose elderly father with dementia would hallucinate about celebrities on television on almost a daily basis. He would throw a fit about Regis and Lee wanting him to call them by phone. The hallucinations were very real to the poor man. No one could convince him otherwise. It went on every morning until a caregiver wheeled him in his wheelchair to a phone. The caregiver offered to call and ask what Regis and Lee wanted from him. The caregiver made a fake call acting like she was being connected/transferred to Regis or Lee by the operator. The caregiver told the elderly man that Regis and Lee were asking for $10,000.00 and the elderly man yelled, "No! I am not giving them $10,000.00!" We never heard about Regis and Lee again.
That's rather comical, RachelSmitt, but even so, their deteriorating brains are causing all of this. I am surprised you never heard about Regis and Kathy Lee again, because when they get an idea stuck in their heads, they don't 'learn' anything despite actual 'proof'. I am surprised the delusions didn't just keep happening over and over. I bet he latched onto some other crazy idea about something else. (My mom lived quite happily with 'the Kardashians' in and out of her house. Later, they 'left' and her dear mother-in-law 'moved in'. I never heard about the Kardashians any more, but my other grandmother? That was something new!)
My friend had a phrase for these situations..."join them on the journey." It does no harm. My Aunt saw children she did not know they laughed and played in the house, she saw family and once a dog came on her bedroom and rested his chin on her bed next to her hand. Most of the time she knew it was not real, but sometimes she believed they were there. As others have said you can ask what they are doing, how she feels about them etc.
Lassie, yes my friend's father would hallucinate about other things. I just mentioned one situation her poor father suffered from. I guess the $10,000.00 money figure upset him so much that he never felt the same way when Regis and Lee asked him to call them. Really don't know how long it would last. You are right about the hallucinations happening over and over. I don't know exactly what helped him stop. It also seemed his dementia diagnosis was compounded with the hallucinations he would get when he had UTI, urinary tract infections. The delusions and hallucinations can vary from person to person. We had one woman who had horrid hallucinations like seeing a hole in a wall with an eye peering through it. Fortunately, the doctor was able to prescribe anti-psychotic and sleeping medication for her. The medications had to be modified from time to time. Even though there were "black box warnings" in regard to certain medications the family decided they would rather have her comfortable than fearful all the time.
Thanks Lassie, I have done some reading on LBD (Lewy Body Dementia) as it has come to mind before. How was your mom diagnosed with Lewy Body? The healthcare community that I have dealt with seem to think that there is no import to trying to identify the class of dementia. I just get: It is what it is! Has the diagnosis made any difference in your mom's treatment or medications? Thanks!
I don't agree that seeing a loved one is a sign the end is near. My husband saw his late brother very early in the disease, about 10 years before he died. That is because in the progression of the kind of dementia he had, hallucinations typically come first. When a person sees loved ones from his past probably depends a lot on how the dementia is progressing. It could be any time.
If its not comforting, offer to place something else on the wall(s) where she sees the image.After 23 years, I dont think the images are going anywhere, so the old expression "if you cant beat em, join em" might offer you some comfort.
My mom would bring things up that she was in disagreement with my dad over (several years after he passed). The first time I said hes dead and that did nothing to help the discussion. The next time I presented a logical counter argument that he would have made in as close to his words as I could come up with, and she finally gave up the topic after being reminded ("remember dad said...") a few times that day. The more it sounded like dads words, the more comforted she became.....
Does she have memory deficits or is shes "ok" other than seeing dad's images?
I finally started joking with her, saying,'You know, we really oughtta do something about these people leaving all these babies laying around!'
That kind of diverted the attention to the fact that she was seeing things, while not telling her that she was.
But sometimes it was creepy when she would point next to me and say that this one must like me cuz its smiling at me.
Just humor the occurence, while not patronizing the person.
Tell him I said hi and I love him
That must be a comfort to you
He must really love you to come and say hi
If seeing him gives her comfort or it does not seem to upset her there really is no harm in going along.
If it upsets her then you might want to discuss it with her doctors
"Charles Bonnet Syndrome (CBS) is a common condition among people with serious vision loss characterized by temporary visual hallucinations.
"CBS hallucinations tend to begin in the months immediately following a loss of sight. Hallucinations can be very distressing, but aren’t usually permanent. Symptoms generally decrease in frequency after about a year to 18 months, although some people may have the condition for five years or more.
"Images can appear at any time and can last from just a few seconds to several minutes.
"People with CBS hallucinations are usually aware that what they’re seeing is not real. CBS hallucinations only affect sight, which means that people with CBS don't hear, smell or feel things that aren't there."
And, yes, that was somewhat what was distressing to her, is that she seemed to be somewhat aware that what she was seeing wasn't real, so then what was going on; I was glad to find out about the CB syndrome, just wish the doctors would have known; think that would have helped - thanks