My Mother seems to hate me for putting her into a nursing home. It is so hard to visit. Advice?

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She tells my brother all the time that I hate her. I have recently, very, lost my husband and my mother tells me it's time I got over it. It's been 3 weeks and I am no way near over it. I have been putting off visiting her because I don't want to listen to her . She hurts me so much. She also is always saying I put her in that awful place, which was the assisted living place she was in, decision. I don't want to visit her but feel guilt when I don't . What should I do. I need no more hurt right now in my life.

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Ah, I see you have a brother! That's excellent. Please feel free to take at least 6 months of from your mom. Do your grief work and take care of yourself.
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Sweetheart, take a break from visiting your mom. You need both time and space to grieve. She's in a facility and is safe.

Ask the facility to call you ONLY if she is transferred to the hospital.
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Oh my, you don't deserve that kind of criticism from your mom. I'm also wondering if she has dementia. If she does, it's the illness speaking, not your mom. Whatever the reason for her cruelty, there's no way you need to subject yourself to that kind of treatment three weeks after the loss of your husband. I'm so sorry for that loss. If you can't take someone with you, to run interference with mom, then give yourself permission to stay away for a month or two. You can send her cards or flowers and check on her with the staff. You don't have to visit her to show your concern and love. Hugs to you...please come back and let us know how you're doing.
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My SIL had the same problem, mom was very critical of her. We told her to take someone with her, because mom was always nice in front of company. We told her if mom started criticizing SIL or her children, to get her coat and make a fast exit, say you have to go. Kiss her forehead and GO.
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Lolipop, so sorry to read about the passing of your husband. Oh my gosh, you need over a year to grieve.

As for your Mom and her remarks, just curious if she had always been so outspoken saying things without thinking, or is this something new for her? If it is new, sounds like she could be dealing with dementia, and there are times when an elder will speak without a filter.

Personally, I wouldn't visit... but I know it can be a guilt trip. You don't need that negativity at this point in time.
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